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I struggle with so many things these days. So many questions and so much that is not clear in my head. I'm trying to get it all straight so I can do this right for the rest of my life. Healthy, happy and at a reasonable weight to live a life.
I'm questioning if I made a mistake whey I ordered the 5 Day Pouch Test books. I am wondering if going through the Bariatric Support Centers International would be better support. I attended a telephone conference yesterday. It was helpful. It was supportive. It got me to think about some things.
I looked at some videos. Some were good. Others gave me information that was different than what I had with my surgeon. So I need to forget it. Stick with what the steps were from my surgeon.
I really need to get an appointment to find out what, if anything is wrong. I still have stomach pain, even when I drink water. Seems like ulcer symptoms. I may be wishful thinking so I can hope to have a revision. I seems I think about that so much. I need something really drastic to get me back in the frame of things to get on the track I was on before.
I am going to try very hard to up my exercise. I might end up being sore for a few days, but I really think I can push, push, push. Get right into burning that fat and building that muscle.
Has anyone out there ever tried any of the burn fat water mixtures? Like the cranberry juice and water or sliced fruits and water? I was wondering if you thought they helped in any way. And what ways you personally felt a difference. I know everyone is different. Just would like your feeling of your personal experience with such things. Thank you in advance for any experiences.
Weigh in is tomorrow. Hope it is not too much of a gain. I will not get down about it. I know I have not followed things even close to the way I should. I have to keep telling myself that. Don't expect a great positive. But if I don't gain. That will be a positive. Might even be considered a great positive.
Trying to have protein shakes for most meals. Fill in with clear and full liquids. By the end of the day yesterday I was feeling deprived. So DH came home and took me to eat. Ate some chicken. Had sauce on boneless chicken wings. I'm sure it had way too much sugar in the sauce. Ate only a few. Then topped it off with a Frappe from McDonald's. That was stupid and once again caused a spike in my heart rate. It was uncomfortable. Why do I insist on getting those stupid things????!!!
So today starts fresh again. Let's see if I can make it through today. I had a protein shake with crystal light at 3:30 this morning. And a cup of decaf green tea with 2 splenda. Need to drink a LOT more water. I think that was my main problem yesterday.
One thing mentioned in the meeting yesterday was get rid of old stuff. Get rid of clothes you can no longer wear. Get rid of meds you no longer have to take. Perfume you don't like. Shoes that hurt your feet. Makeup that doesn't look right on you anymore. See yourself differently. Stop looking at yourself as the person you were when you started this journey/adventure. You are not that person. Whatever the steps were that we took to begin. Those steps made us a different person immediately.
Since my highest weight, I've lost 138 lbs. Since my gastric bypass I've lost and kept off 79 lbs. But I still see myself as that 335 pound person. Still see myself as that 276 pound person. Either that or I see a freak looking back from the mirror. Because I don't know who she is. Something has got to give. Something has to change.
I'm still going to keep my goal of losing 97 pounds by the first week in January 2016. With trying to put in effort to lose fat and build muscle maybe I can make it a goal to just fit into certain clothes. Maybe my goal won't be to weight a particular amount.
Boy, Val, a lot of rambling on. Hope thing are able to get more focused. Make sure to look back on these from time to time to see if there is improvement.
I hope everyone has a nice Friday and on into the weekend. And thanks for listening.
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