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02 October 2008

Weigh-in: 273.4 lb lost so far: 4.6 lb still to go: 123.4 lb Diet followed poorly
   add comment losing 11.2 lb a week

01 October 2008

Weigh-in: 275.0 lb lost so far: 3.0 lb still to go: 125.0 lb Diet followed poorly
   add comment losing 7.0 lb a week

30 September 2008

Weigh-in: 276.0 lb lost so far: 2.0 lb still to go: 126.0 lb Diet followed poorly
   add comment gaining 1.6 lb a week

13 September 2008

I have been without a computer at home for quite a few months and have been accessing this site through my work one. However, with all the rules around personal use, I find it difficult to get back here regularly. Anyways, I pick up my new desktop on Monday, so I should have more consistent access.

My food has been hooped of course. That is up until today. I didn't really intend on waking up and wanting to make different choices, however, that's kind of what is happening. I had a better breakfast than I have had in a while (no chocolate bars). As well, I had a good lunch and even picked up some healthy food for snacks. I have even planned my supper.

Planning is a huge issue for me - that and follow through. It is like I rebel against planning. Thoughts like "Maybe I won't want that later", "what if that is not enough", "well how I am supposed to know where I will be around dinner time", etc, etc. That part of my internal dialogue belongs to the 'food addict'. It is the same voice that is hyper-critical and hyper-active.

Today I am willing to listen for the calmer, more peaceful voice (one that doesn't get lot of airtime). To do that, I need to stop, breathe, and stay quiet.

Gotta run.

03 September 2008

After school supply shopping and visiting with my son, I just sat on the couch and did nothing. Turned out I really need to do laundry. Why do I make things so difficult on myself?

Went to the doctor's today. Again, if I just lost some more weight, she would be happier. I bet if I did go down to 250 (the goal we set today), she still wouldn't be happy. Well why would she be? I would still be quite overweight. I know she is a doctor and is concerned for my health, I just tired of playing the game.

Tonight I am going to go to dinner with a friend from far away, whom I haven't seen in about 8 or 9 years. Of course, I have put on alot of weight and it makes me nervous to see her again. The most nerve racking part of it though is that my house is in such a state of despair that I will not be bringing her by there. I am worried that the subject will come up and that she will want to see it before she goes. She has to be back on a ferry by 9:00 so if I stall long enough, then.... Probably won't come up anyways, I'll just worry about it (and then of course eat) for the rest of the day.

I am going crazy with food and spending the last couple of days. I did manage to pack a breakfast yesterday, however that was the last of good eating. I have been eating lots and lots of 'bad carbs'. I am hoping that by journalling about it, instead of hiding it, I will get back on track somehow.

Have great day everyone.

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