CalorieKiller's Journal

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06 November 2007

It's coming off slower, but at least it's coming off. I am so impatient to be under 200 that I need to give myself a break from thinking about it. I think it's working against me! lol Hope everyone has a good week.

Weigh-in: 204.8 lb

lost so far: 45.2 lb

still to go: 49.8 lb

Diet followed reasonably well

(5 comments) losing 1.8 lb a week

05 November 2007

Help: I have to figure out how to handle something that has been bothering me and triggering some cravings. As most of you know I am a new mother and I'm learning every day about my son and how best to care for him. My husband's sister doesn't have kids yet but she completely adores our son. So much so, in fact, that I feel like my job trying to be a mom is difficult when she is around. I've had him ripped from my arms when he's upset (he doesn't get upset often so I sort of appreciate those times as places to comfort and bond with him). I've had him awakened at 10PM when she arrives, irked because I'd already put him to bed. These are just a couple examples where I feel like, in my attempts to allow their relationship to flourish I've been sidelined. I now feel sometimes like I'm asking her permission to hold him, or having to bark at her not to run to him every time he burps. The more time that passes the worse it has become. My husband feels like I should just assert myself through actions and see if that works. He thinks that I'm too deferrential and should care less what she thinks when I just state that "I'm taking him" or "he's going to bed now." But he doesn't fully understand. He doesn't have another "male" figure who is supplanting him as the father figure. And, this is his sister so he feels a lot differently in general about her involvement and interest. She and I are still getting to know each other and we've become closer of course. Honestly, I really admire her and she is a wonderful person but I don't feel comfortable enough with her to say "back off lady" as I would to my family or friends. She is so focused on and enamorate with my son that sometimes it is just too much for me to handle. And honestly "some" times is turning into "often" times. Anyone have any creative advice on this one? The usual (saying "back off lady") is something I don't think would be a good move at the juncture in our relationship. We have a family trip coming up and where I was looking forward to it before now I'm sort of worried because it could just become a marathon of me feeling like I'm struggling to do as I think is best for my son amongst very well-meaning but somewhat overbearing in laws. Sigh. For me, this is the kind of stuff that makes me want to eat a pound of roasted cashews...

(6 comments)

01 November 2007

Things that go bump in the shower...

So, Halloween has passed and as I sit here amidst the stench of burned out, rotting pumpkins I wanted to jot down a couple noteworthy moments this week. First, I thought it was funny that yesterday I went to drive somewhere and I needed to move the seat forward. Yes, I've lost enough weight that the previous position was now too far away from the controls. How funny is that! Next, I was showering and slightly alarmed to feel a bump on my chest. But something about it was weird because it was kind of higher than you'd worry about and then suddenly I realized...it is a bone! I actually was feeling my own chest bone. lol. Anyway, figured that was a good Halloween weight loss story.

Hope everyone made it through the holiday well. I *almost* just popped a rolo into my mouth and then remembered I have the JC Peanut bar so I'm eating that to get me through the hump. This isn't my "reveal" photo but is a cute picture of me and my son in his spider costume for his first Halloween. Cheers fellow sufferers!

(5 comments)

30 October 2007

Deuce down for this Bigelow. Been a tough week, so I'll take it. Don't think I'll hit my goal (under 200 by 10/31)unless I wake up 7 lbs lighter tomorrow. But, I'm feeling how close it is and am eager for the milestone. I'm happy about my progress for the month overall (lost about 10 lbs) and I survived a month long family visit with most of my sanity in tact and still managed to lose. To date, a total loss of about 45 lbs and I'm feeling a huge difference.

Weigh-in: 206.6 lb

lost so far: 43.4 lb

still to go: 51.6 lb

Diet followed reasonably well

(4 comments) losing 2.0 lb a week

27 October 2007

Guys, I am SO SORE. I've done hot yoga once/week for the last couple months. Each time I've improved so I'm going deeper and longer in poses and now my muscles are still SCREAMING from my class on Thursday. I can barely fasten my bra, but trust me, I need one so I'm pushing through the pain. <g>

Last night I decided to try to heat the soreness out of me and worked out for about an hour. The good news is that I ran for a long time, uninterrupted (about 30 minutes this time, contiguously). That was an emotional accomplishment for sure. The bad news is, I immediately felt even more sore. And this morning--forget about it! And of course I weighed-in fully expecting the soreness to show in the normal 1-2 lbs, and it did. That always happens to me from the edema (swelling) of my sore muscles. Even though I KNOW what it is it still infuriated me. Why are we so irrational when it comes to losing? It's almost funny. Almost.

My in-laws are still here, with another sister-in-law arriving last night. I'm less worn out because I finally of said something to my sister-in-law about needing a little down time and she's steered folks clear for a few days. As a family they are very used to these marathons where they spend entire days together one after the next...and I get exhausted having to be the "best version of myself" for such long periods of time. So I guess you could say while my muscles are definitely physically sore, my psyche is equally sore from long bouts of togetherness with my husband's family. They're wonderful, but I'm someone who recharges from solitude and needs it.

October was supposed to be my massive month of phenomenal weigh-ins. Instead it sort of became the month where I stuff everything in my mouth instead of telling my in-laws (visiting for the entire month) that I need some down time. This is a powerful lesson to me that if words don't come OUT of my mouth, FOOD goes into it. And just so people understand, my mother-in-law spends about 5-6 months of the year in the US so it isn't like this is something I go through "once in a while" and then recover. It's definitely something I need to learn to deal with a lot better than eating my way through the stress. Sigh. Have a good weekend everyone.

(3 comments)

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