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22 January 2008

Weigh-in: 191.8 lb lost so far: 58.2 lb still to go: 36.8 lb Diet followed reasonably well
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16 January 2008

Welp. I seem to have a serious case of the "I look decent now, so what's the rush?" stagnation syndrome. It's funny how your definition of acceptable changes as you get older, or maybe because the highest weight you've ever been had gotten so out of hand that now it doesn't feel so bad to weigh 192 lbs. I mean, I'm now only 20 lbs overweight according to my height, so I tied with the rest of America, more or less. It certainly has dissipated my urgency. But I'm nowhere close to my goal weight (which is low end of my range). So how am I going to manufacture the morale to get this done? I really need to do some soul searching and refocus with the same energy and drive I had in the beginning. I have every confidence that I'll continue to lose weight and get to my goal, I just don't want it to drag on and on. I think once I've lost about 10 more lbs I will feel a lot closer to the prize. At that weight I will fit into all my clothes at least. I'm a solid size 10 at 180.

Anyway, I figure this is probably boring for you all but it occurred to me and I feel like I need to do more reflection and journaling to get myself back on track. Maybe I'll post to the community and find out how people stay on track after they've started looking almost "ok" again...
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15 January 2008

Weigh-in: 192.6 lb lost so far: 57.4 lb still to go: 37.6 lb Diet followed reasonably well
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14 January 2008

So, who's as sick of dieting as I am? Nobody! I'm still plugging away but I am getting incredibly bored thinking about what I eat all the time and with the focus it takes to make the right choices. The whole thing is like a skill you take for granted suddenly rendered useless. For example, think about speaking English for most of us. After a precious few years after birth, it becomes almost effortless to listen and understand English. But if you speak a second language as an adult, every time you hear it and practice you have to focus so hard on every conversation it is exhausting after a while. That is what it feels like focusing on food for over 5 months straight. I guess this is probably why I'm not journaling enough. I haven't been working out very often either. Only 2 times this past week.

I feel very worn out lately taking care of my son. He's only taking one nap a day now, and often only stays down for 45 minutes. He is requiring more and more constant vigilence and attention--his mouth is very curious. This week he attempted to eat 1) a blue crayon b) styrofoam c) a christmas lightbulb (didnt' know it was there) c) some piece of soemthing I couldn't identify. I vacuum all the time and am constantly scanning the floor but he has amazing skills finding offensive materials to eat. I find myself looking forward to the quiet house after 10PM when I can read for a couple hours and have some time to myself. My husband is getting no attention and I feel bad but it's either him or me. I can't say taking care of my child is as exhausting as working full time in corporate America (for me), but it is tiresome in a different way. Mostly, the sponteneity of my days has evaporated into a bunch of stuff I cannot adjust in the schedule, all day long. In fact, most of my "heavy lifting" work wise starts after 6PM when my husband gets home and we all have dinner. I'm not sure that being a stay at home mom is for me...I'm getting bored and feeling restless already.

Today I had some pumpkin seeds but other than that I was on track. But this week I sucked so who knows what my weigh in will be like tomorrow.
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08 January 2008

Wow! I never expected my depressive little rant would generate so many thoughtful remarks. I just reviewed them all. It elevates my mood so much that several of you actually pitched up on the topic...even as far away as the UK! You don't even have to agree with me, but the fact that you CARE is like a big hug injected with hope for this hopelessly serious (today) little camper.

And Lucybell, the more you say the more I think we're twins separated from birth. I wish you could vote over here! LOL.

However, I align with Hillary Clinton for reasons far outreaching her luck in the XX chromosome department <g>. Sure, I salute her career of committment to defending women's rights for equal promotion and pay. And her very clear stand in China--declaring that women's rights shall no longer being considered separate from human rights--was a moment bearing particular reverence to me. It gave me goosebumps, actually. But honestly, to me it just so happens that the smartest and most qualified candidate also is a woman.

BadAndee, I hear you. I've also heard the "is America really ready for a woman or a black president?" question a lot. It was started by the light media (Newsweek, I think) and seems to see firestorm like repetition en masse. I think people feel like it is a perfect rhetorical question they can actually say aloud, instead of stating plainly that we are still a bigoted society in many ways. The thing is, there are an abundance of fair-minded, non-bigoted people with the power to change this race. It just so happens that the people with hate in their hearts do tend to get hastily to the polls. So perhaps all of us who think otherwise should take a break from our routines, get a voter card, and actually have a say this time. It really does matter, especially at the primary/caucus level.

When Kennedy was elected, nobody knew if we were ready for a Catholic. When FDR was elected, nobody knew if we were ready for a wheelchair bound president. Whether we feel like we're ready didn't seem to have a material impact. <grin>

When Time Magazine posted the 100 most powerful people in 2007, Hillary Clinton was number 4. Condoleezza Rice was number 3, if memory serves. Two women, top five. One of those women is black. Come on. Are we ready? We're already there! The only reason Hillary's gender (and her make-up, clothes, and appearance) keeps coming up as issues in the news is because it is the only thing Fox News and other ultra-conservative Pundits seem to be able to find that is wrong with her! lol

Frankly, I prefer in this election to think more about who is ready to lead our nation--in debt to so many other nations in the world that if they called in the loans we'd be ruined. Do you realize we actually OWE money to Mexico? That is a first! And China has quietly and effectively made us their (economically speaking) bitch. Forgive the term, but I shudder to think what could happen if they called in our debt. Anyway, I want someone capable of getting things back on track financially, and not bankrupt us anymore (literally and spiritually). I don't care whether the country feels like it is ready for a woman or a black. To me it is obvious that the change is critical, and crucial. It doesn't matter what the package looks like one bit. And people who are bigoted don't run this country. Anymore. Do they?

Lotus, by the way to your question I'm also actually somewhat conservative and I am a registered INDEPENDENT. I'm conservative on issues regarding government involvement in business. Also, while I am not pro-choice, that is not a voting issue to me in this election. I'm Catholic, but analyzing the situation it's easy to see that, even with expected attrition, there would still be three Catholics on the bench and I can't really ask for better than 33% representation in the High Court, can I? I don't vote by party - I vote by who I align with the most. I live in WA where you can caucus as an independent voter, which is handy. Some states only allow you to caucus along party lines which I think is unhealthy and sad. And promotes the badly bifurcated government system we're seeing at a standstill in Congress today. It is worse than ever! Sigh.

Here's the deal for me, in a nutshell. Hillary Clinton is a super intelligent, thoughtful person with an extremely practical and working approach to distilling and resolving complex problems. The one thing she plans to do that I cannot say "Amen" to enough is to get health records off this costly, antiquated and mismanaged system of paper records. Doctors can't even talk to each other effectively or collaborate such as it is today to cure a patient. That is but one small example of how she plans to make specific, high-impact change in a way that will improve everyone's lives. Also, as a new mother I especially support her commitment to universal pre-kindergarten so that students are starting school on more equal ground. I hope it means my kid will be safer surrounded by children with more opportunities and less prone to narcissm and violence that we see from time to time in the news, with cataclysmic results.

Graciepoo, to your point -- I agree. No candidate seems to have it all, huh? We're missing the magic charisma we want this go-around. People think they're seeing that in Obama, but I think their just grasping at straws. He's a good speaker, but he's too much into vision and concepts and had difficulty breaking down problems into the simplest workable solution. That is where Hillary hands down has him beat.

Honestly, I can't remember the last time there was a clear head-and-shoulders above the crowd option??? Reagan I guess. But I think sometimes we forget that all Presidents are humans with strengths and flaws and that the role, at it's fundamental layer, is simply a job in someone's career as they live their life like you and me. They aren't perfect. They never will be. The difference seems to be the best leaders will surround themselves by people who complement their strengths and make up for their weaknesses. Many agree that this was Bush's somewhat fatal flaw. He only surrounds himself with like-minded people so he quickly became out of touch with his flaws...and 50% of his constituency.

I'm relieved and excited that New Hampshire went to Hillary. But it was close enough that it isn't a time to start a party yet. I dared to hope but the early polls had me down. I love the fact that things like this happen in America. I don't think this is any means the party nomination, but it is good news today for me :)

Goodnight everyone, and cheers!
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