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07 September 2017

Weigh-in: 385.0 lb lost so far: 12.4 lb still to go: 35.0 lb Diet followed poorly
   (2 comments) gaining 0.6 lb a week

21 June 2017

so tomorrow is my 48th birthday and i'm really not feeling it. I've kind of been discouraged lately. this process has taken allot out of me and i've kind of let myself down lately. Looking at the bright side, i guess i can say that i'm not where i was last year this time. So, that's something. but i have been slacking with recording my food, watching my food and my exercise routine. this is a disaster so, yet again, i'm starting over. but not in the same place i was last year...got to remember that. I also know allot more than i did last year. and maybe...just maybe the surgery date is moving up. My therapist got a call last week asking her for a release and she's signing it even though i haven't quite met her weight requirements she set for me. this did give me some hope that i wouldn't go through another six months of this limbo. the balance of not eating more than what i'll be able to hold after surgery and eating enough so i'm not miserable cause i'm hungry and sick of what i'm eating, at the same time. Cause that's in there too. the constant job of finding different protein sources so i'm not bored. I get bored with food easily. Lots of ways to prepare chicken, but it still tastes like chicken. What's a foodie to do?

I'm trying a Quest protein bar this morning for one of my breakfasts (before workout). It's awful, but definitely different. Ha, maybe i'm ready for that two week interval of liquids only. Just as long as i get the protein in. (heavy sigh) get through this day, Paula. You can. You are enough. Well, that didn't sound as hoaky as i thought it would in my head. I am enough.

Peace, all.
Weigh-in: 377.8 lb lost so far: 19.6 lb still to go: 27.8 lb Diet followed reasonably well
   add comment losing 1.4 lb a week

10 June 2017

hey. first, i'll just say water weight gain again. but i missed a weigh in from last month. I'll write it here just for posterity sake. May 5, 2017 weighted in at 374.6. that was a Dietitian appointment where i was released and given an okay from the dietitian. at the time, i was happy about it. I just didn't bother to record it up here. I've been doing that allot lately and i think i know why now. I'm feeling rebellious these days. even though i've gotten most of my clearances (and even had to repeat one) they aren't any closer to giving me a date. It's been a complete year since i started this whole thing and i'm still not close to having surgery. this has discouraged me a bit. I'm waiting for a behavioral clearance from my therapist and she's waiting until i reached a 40 lbs weight loss. i keep getting just shy of it then bomb water weight gain. this happened last month too. Kinda driving me crazy. then i went thorough it with Medicare and heart Medical about this d*#ned C-pap machine. after months of dealing with this thing, Heart Medical informs me that Medicare has denied my rental due to not meeting the standards of usage. Whatever. They let me go for months and i even got up to what they consider good usage, but it was after the 1 month deadline Medicare needs in order to continue renting the thing. and in all those months of actually reaching the goal, the hospital didn't even bother to record those results. they acted as if they didn't even know i had gotten a sleep study done and had received the machine. I've told them at almost every appointment about this thing because i had issues with it, and because they asked. but no one recorded a thing. so now as far as i'm concerned the 6 months i spent dealing with this thing were a waste of time. actually, wait...i did finally get used to waking up feeling like someone was trying to smother me and hearing Darth Vadar in my room at night. so, i guess that's something. but now, i'm going to have to either pay for the rental or buy a machine. well, Heart medical suggested that i could go for another sleep study. No way! That was the most horrific experience for someone like me..hell, for me. and i refuse to do it again. so, i opt for buying a machine just long enough to have this surgery and then selling it to somone who can use it...or who wants to use it. I've found a website that sells them and it even has the unit i had listed for sale. Luckily for me they offer financing. but i'm gonna see if i can get on on sale and buy it out right. the hospital tells me that i need to have it before surgery and have two weeks of readings in to them before they will schedule the surgery. whatever.

wow, i didn't realize just how pissed i still was about this. I only planned to come up here and record my weight and maybe just say hi. Yep, it's offical, jurnaling is cathargic. Lol.

so i'm just holding on and maintaining. "...and this, too, shall pass."

One piece of great news...well, to me anyway. I've found someone specail to me and we are trying to build a relationship. I won't go into it here since this isn't the place for that. but basically, it's long distance so some care will have to be taken, but it's very promising to me. and that has given me some more motivation to get this done. Luckily for me, he understands the commitment i've made here and is willing to work with me until this is over and i can get on with my life. Yeah. It's been a long time coming and i'm just glad it's here. Praying that it lasts for the duration.
Weigh-in: 380.0 lb lost so far: 17.4 lb still to go: 30.0 lb Diet followed reasonably well
   (1 comment) gaining 0.6 lb a week

30 April 2017

Morning FS, Not much to say about this development. Even though I've been following the meal plan set out for me relatively well, my exercise has been slacking so boom!, weight gain. I know what to do. I just need to do it.

This past month has been emotional. There's a possibility that I may not get to have my surgery. Apparently, I didn't meet the standards of Medicare for the C-pap machine last year when I first got it. so Medicare won't continue to rent the machine and, according to sparrow's rules, if they've determined that you need a c-pap and you don't have one when it comes time for surgery, they won't do it. funny, they don't use the machine during the surgery. It's only after you get out of surgery that they want you to have it. really, I struggled with that thing for the first two months. Seriously sleeping that way just isn't normal for me. I've finally gotten to the place where I don't wake up and fight the thing off or freak out because there's this weird loud breathing in my bedroom when I wake up. I have to remind myself that no Darth vador isn't coming to kill you, girl. that heavy breathing is you. And then there's the plastic accordion tubing thing that I always get tangled up in. The medical supply company also said that they didn't receive a report 30 days after I was first given the machine telling them how much the machine was helping me. this apparently was supposed to come from sparrow. well, I didn't know anything about that. and I talked with the staff every time I've had an apt. with sparrow cause they always ask if I'm using the machine. I honestly haven't seen any improvement. so when they ask that's what I told them. I don't even know what kind of improvement they were expecting. I mean, I know the machine sends air (oxygen) into your nostrils. Okay, it does that and...? I still sleep the same. I still wake up the same time every night or morning I should say. It's been 7 months, same thing. what were they expecting. My score was 5.8. to give you the scale they gave me 5 is the lowest and 20 is the highest to determine if you have sleep apnia. (Ithink I spelled that wrong) My therapis says go get breathe Right strips for a 5.8. I swear I think she's right. and here's the other thing that trips me out, I've never been retested. does the machine change my score? am I now after 7 months of waking up to dry nasal passages and sinus headaches at a 5.6? what's the end goal here?

Okay, enough ranting. I had my freak out time about this last week. Now I'm just ready to fight them on this thing. The way I see it, I have two options. I can either convince Medicare to re-evaluate the medical supply company's info based on what's going on now and not 7 months ago. I'll have to show that I had a hard time adjusting to the machine and now that I'm adjusted, my percentage is in the range they want. I talked with the medical supply company and they said I'm now at a 77% rate. the minimum is supposed to be 70%. the other choice is to convince sparrow to give me another sleep test. then I'd have to show that I really don't need a c-pap machine after all. I've come up with a few strategies for that. things that I think will even out the playing field for me. first, Breathe right strips, Echnecia tea before the test, valerian root when it's time to sleep and sleeping sitting up in a chair at the testing. if you've had a sleep study, you know that they hook you up with all these wires and cords and glue, etc. kinda hard to relax and rest with all that gear on. also, here I am going from my comfortable bed and bedroom to a place where I don't feel safe and don't know my way around to sleep in what must be the worst hospital bed in the world. I swear, sleep study departments must be where hospitals send their old beds to die. The first time (brilliant me) I tried to recreate my bed's position by having them get me a hospital bed that allows you to raise your feet and head. No go. the second time (when they were checking me with the new machine) I slept in a regular bed. No go. so let's see what happens when I sleep in a chair sitting up with my portable ottoman for my feet. Yeah, I know, I'm a sleep diva. I've got a Craftsmatic adjustable bed (for the edema) and a 9-inch memory foam matress with a body pillow. Try to recreate that in a sleep study environment. Okay, girl, ranting again. Stop!

anyway, I think i'll try both strategies at once; convincing Medicare and getting Sparrow to retest me. I've enlisted my therapist's help in this. so, maybe between the two of us; we can get one of these things to work out. Phew! I feel better now. thank you for letting me rave on about this. and if you've stopped reading about half way through, I totally understand.

blessings.
Weigh-in: 376.6 lb lost so far: 20.8 lb still to go: 26.6 lb Diet followed reasonably well
   add comment gaining 0.1 lb a week

23 March 2017

Hi F. S.

so i had an apt. with the nutritionist at sparrow this morning and she tells me i'm doing well. There are, of course, tweaks i have to continue to make, but overall she thinks i've got it and once i'm cleared from the Thorasic institute and my therapist, she will clear me after one more meeting and i guess i'm on to the next step of the surgery track. I can't believe i've stuck with this for this long. It'll be a year in June since i started this. So, i guess i'm proud of myself for not quitting which is what i would usually have done way before now...say about three months back. I just have to keep reminding myself that i could potentially get off these meds and wouldn't have to stab myself five or six times a day for testing and insulin injections. I had to remind myself of that today when Louise (the nutritionist) told me i need to steam my carrots after surgery...no more eating them raw at least for the first year or so, i'm guessing. I still keep finding out little things that kind of snap me back to reality about what i'm doing here.

I did ditch three pounds so i'm glad about that, too. I've been slipping on the exercise and it's mostly because of injuries but it has to stop. so recumbant bike here i come. And i've gotta work my way back to that tread mill too. Still too chilly in Michigan for ME to walk outside.

I've been watching vids by Dr. Eric Burke on youtube lately and he talks about body types and the meal plans that work best for them. His body types aren't like the pear shape or the apple shape or anything like that. he talks about the systems of the body like Adrenal and Ovarian and thyroid. I was listening to his description of the adrenal body type and i swear it fits me to a "T". He listed every disease i have and even my sinus issues and PCOS issues. I'm gonna give his book a good read and i'm considering moving myself on to his meal plan for that body type and see if i can hack it. basically, it's similar to what sparrow wants me to do except for the high fat part. he suggests for the Adrenal person...high protein (but not too high about 3 to 6 ounces per meal), high fat and low carb (getting carbs mostly from veggies). Kind of what i've been trying to do lately. Also, he mentions avoiding cruciferous veggies like cabbage and Brussells sprouts of course cabbage is one of my fav veggies) but i have to admit it doesn't agree with me. but then he says avoid broccoli and kale...heavy sigh. But i guess if i can give up corn (I miss you corn) i can leave kale and broccoli behind. Actually, i think he did say that kale might be okay if i add sea kelp to my meal plan as well. something to consider. but basically, i think it's time to stop flying by the seat of my own meal plan and try someone else's and see what happens. especially since it seems to be in line with what my clinic wants me to do. And hey, maybe he has good recipes so i can replace the one's ive been using. I'm always up for something new.

I'm also gonna check out some of the recipes up here. I hadn't don that yet. I saved a few, but hadn't tried them yet.

Okay, i really do need to hit that bike and go put dinner on. I've gotten into trying freezer meals lately. I kinda like not having to figure out what's for dinner every night especially since i'm eating six meals a day. Just go to the freezer and choose one. I need to put tonight's choice in my cookbook so i can add it to my food diary so "tah" for now, ya'll.

Peace and Love
Weigh-in: 376.0 lb lost so far: 21.4 lb still to go: 26.0 lb Diet followed reasonably well
   add comment losing 1.6 lb a week

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