showing entries 1 to 5 of 5

20 February 2013

(Emotional Rant)
I stood behind her in the caff lunch line today; her elbows were SOOOOO small, there wasn't a trace of meat on her arms. "I bet her arms don't look fat in photos." is what I thought instantly, jealousy stabbing me as I remember the photo I saw of her last night on FB, confirming my bitter comment. She's just so skinny. I know she's skinny-fat, with no muscle definition and I can probably out run her if we were both being chased by killers or something but...Isn't what we're all striving for? Just to BE skinny? Like her? I know we're also striving to be "healthy" by watching what we eat, but it's not like she DOESN'T eat! And that's the annoying thing, she's holding a plate of fried rice in her hand and her phone on the other, the home photo showing a photo where she looks super skinny, standing next to her BF. It's so annoying! Then her instagram photos; always of decadent food and desserts. I mean, I hate it. She's so lucky to be blessed with amazing metabolism, because I know she doesn't work out or do any sports. She looks fabulous is everything and can eat whatever she wants. She doesn't have to worry about photos of her in a bikini because she's so skinny and her face always looks razor sharp and beautiful from every angle. Goddamit, why couldn't I just be like her? Oh and the worst thing is...she's my bf's ex.

17 January 2013

Weigh ins...I think one of the most anxious things I could ever put myself through. My cousin, who's like insanely fit and can practically be a nutritionalist/trainer, says that you should track your process through weigh ins every 2 weeks at the same time of day for best results. It's been 2 weeks since my last weigh in and after the shocking realization that I weigh a whopping 122 pounds, I've been dreading stepping on to the scale. I don't want to know that everything I've done has just gotten me to gain more weight, it'll put me off and end up making me want to quit, which I DON'T want to do. I don't want to get discouraged by the scale. I know clean eating + exercise doesn't necessarily mean weight loss, that you should judge by how clothes fit/how you feel, but I feel like the scale is still what gives me confirmation about my progress. I don't even know if I should be vigorously counting calories either. I just really don't know what to do.

12 January 2013

Today, I ran my first 10km charity run ever. I did it with my bf and his family, having been asked to go last minute. I there was a mixture of confidence and fear right before the race started; confidence because I know that I've definitely gotten fitter through my running over the winter break, something that was very noticeable during my basketball conditioning training last thursday where I barely broke a sweat during out team run. (Freaking KILLED the fitness training session that day! ^.^) Fear, because the most I've ever ran in one go (with 3 min breaks in between each 2.8km) is 7.2km. Their family is super fit, like, they go hiking for 6km+ every weekend for fun and workout at the Football Club whenever they have time. My bf also happens to play basketball and is also really fit. I thought to myself "Oh god, I'm going to be so slow and die midway during the race!" Though somehow, I finished the race just a mere 10 steps or so behind my bf and around 5-10mins before his dad, our overall time for the race being 1h and 3mins. I'm quite proud of myself really. Though I was a tad slower than my bf, even he could tell that I had gotten really fit because my recovery times and breathing was much better than his, he just has super long legs and runs faster. I didn't even get a stitch or a cramp! I was pretty amazed at myself. I really hope I keep this running thing up, I can see the changes in my fitness, not so much with my body or weight, but I hope it does eventually help! :D

04 January 2013

I used to be petite, at 5'3, I weighed 110 back in 8th and 9th grade. Then somehow, by 11th grade, I now weigh 12 pounds more. I have no idea where this extra weight came from. I feel like I ate WAAAY more back when I weighed 110, then I do now. Plus, ever since gr.9, I've done 3 seasons of sport a year; volleyball, basketball and softball. I don't know where I went wrong. I just want to get back down to 110...or at least 115. I feel embarrassed about my weight, I only found out I weighed 122 last week because I was afraid of stepping on the scale for two months. It's winter break for right now, and for the past two weeks, I've ran everyday, with one rest day during the week. I went from barely running 2.4km in one go, to being able to run almost 6-7km! I'm proud of that, but I feel like from running, I've just gotten worse. Like my butt is bigger and that my jeans don't fit right. I try to eat healthy too, because clean eating is a must to diet, but I guess I'm not restrictive enough because it's been a month and nothing has changed. I will keep up with it, because I hate looking in the mirror and seeing a body that I think is disgusting.

04 January 2013

Weigh-in: 121.0 lb lost so far: 0 lb still to go: 6.0 lb Diet followed N/A

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090220's weight history