EDIT:
May I recommend that you go get a cup of coffee and a cushion before you read? This is a LONG one! LOL!
END OF EDIT.
I gotta say I'm AMAZED that I'm still in the 77's today. Just barely, but still there. There are several reasons for this:
1. Yesterday, I am SURE I was dehydrated, and thus dropped a LOT in weight from one day to the next. I woke up crazy thirsty, and I literally felt "drained". Very uncomfortable. Also, I had a huge drop in weight - something like 1.7 kgs(!), and that is very unusual. Must be mostly water.
2. The food choices yesterday. I did bad. BAD. Sure, I am now in a place where I don't NEED to lose weight, but I still NEED to do wise choices. I didn't. Not proud of it, but it's something to learn from. I think, no matter how far you get in this game, you're still learning. I know I am.
So, what happened yesterday?
Well, we had our "Theme" day at work. My buddy ZippyDani suggested that the word I might be looking for was Team Building Day, and she was absolutely right.
I had arranged with a coworker to ride with him - the resort, which was a real nice little place, is about an hour's drive from here. I booked the front passenger seat in his car, and my "pay" for it was to bring a nice cup of coffee for the ride. Good deal! :) I get to get my morning coffee, and good company for the ride. He's one of my favorite co-workers, one of the few guys in the office, AND he is going to be my coach when I get to the point where I can start putting on some muscles. He's a trained professional in this and has agreed to make me his "pet project". Nice!
So, anyways, we get there, and there is of course breakfast ready, as there always is at a resort like this. I have planned ahead, and only eaten my eggs, expecting this. I have two slices of bread and a little cheese, and I end up spending calories as I would pretty much do any morning.
I snatch up a couple of fruits to take with me to class, and they basically just sit there all morning. I don't eat them - I don't want to waste calories since I don't know what lunch is gonna be, and I'm not really hungry for anything. No need for me to eat if I'm not hungry.
Then noon comes. We do NOT break for lunch "on time". "On time" is pretty important for me, as I am so used to this, and I set my mental clock after this - it makes it easier for me to deal with a little hunger, if I know that I'll be eating at a specific time.
Lunch is about 45 minutes late, and at this point I feel that I am STARVING. I probably wasn't, but being a habitual creature, my mind is screaming FOOD FOOD FOOD! BRING ME FOOD! NOW! :)
So, we go to the restaurant to eat, and I gotta say, this is by far - BY FAR - the nicest restaurant food I have seen in years. Compare it to all those restaurants that you never go to because you can't in ANY way afford them. Easily. There is SO much heavenly (devishly?) goodness, you'd have to see it to believe it.
I went in there with a plan to just have a little here and here and I did okay on the food.
Then stupid Kingkeld decided to try a little of the desserts.
Oh. My. God.
The carb monster was sitting under the table and TOTALLY reeled me in. There was so much good stuff, and I just basically went for it. I tried to register, but I am sure it's very inaccurate what I did. I justified it with my huge weigh loss same morning, which is of course stupid. I know it was only an excuse, and that this was wrong. I just couldn't control it.
Well, lunch ended and we went back to class/meetings. I brought coffee, nothing else.
The carb monster was still calling me all the way through class - so much that I ate the orange from the morning. I didn't need it, but I wanted to eat - eat - eat.
Then came the afternoon break. Now, if I thought the desserts were good, then it was NOTHING compared to the chocolate pie they brought out. Damn them. Damn them ALL! Who was the jerk that invented chocolate pie! Can we get that guy fired, please?
I'm telling you, it was divine! It was like the gods had all gotten together to make the perfect cake, and then the devil snuck in an loaded it with calories! It was THAT good.
You guys know how I can't control chocolate. Well, yesterday, I proved that I really can't. All theories confirmed on that one. Sigh.
So the day is over, and I come home. Wife is kinda down, feeling home sick. She's a long way from home, from a couple of her kids and her family. We live in Denmark, and she is from the US.
One of the things that always helps is to make some food from home. I'm sure MANY of you guys can related to this.
Guess what she made... Mississippi Mud Pie. Not the low calorie one. Chocolate. Sigh. Yup.
I had hoped that the carb monster was left behind, but it wasn't. It was right there with me. I had cake. Then I had more. I felt so bad doing it, but I just couldn't stop.
I felt sick from all the sugar yesterday. I really didn't feel well. I was mentally down because I gave in like this. I was sad because I felt that I had ruined a great weigh-in by giving in. I was sad because I lost control. I need that control. I need to know what I'm doing. I need to be in charge.
And I need to report here. I have to do this. And trust me, it's a lot more fun telling you guys how great I did, and how much I lost, than it is to tell you how I screwed up and how much I gained.
I gained 400 grams. Question is whether it's calories or water. It's probably calories, a good chunk of it.
Of course, I am determined to be back on track today. I have logged my food for the entire day. I will stick to my plan, and not give in for ANYTHING. This is my "punishment" if there is such a think. I don't believe in beating myself over the head, I believe in getting back in the groove.
I'd simply skip Indulgence Day on Saturday, but we're doing a little more festivities for Daughter's birthday, so that's gonna be kinda hard. I will try to limit myself though.
...
One of the things that I did realize from all this is that I definitely have trigger foods. I never really have given it too much thought, other than knowing that they're there.
Mine is chocolate. I know this. You know this. But yesterday I realized how strong it is. I had ALL intentions to do good. My actual food choices were great. No problem at all. Enter Chocolate. It all went to hell.
This is something I need to work on. I need - NEED - to learn to handle this better. I need - NEED - to learn to either NOT have any chocolate at all, or to be able to have just a little bit. I know this, when I buy a bar of chocolate for my Indulgence Days, it's hard to not eat it all in one sitting, and afterwards I often am disappointed that I didn't get two. I need to control this.
When I was twice my size, chocolates were a big passion. I could easily go buy 300 grams, and have them gone in 10 minutes. Not good. That's calorie allowance for an entire day.
Did I mention that I love chocolate? LOL!
I will try to take a little while to really focus on this. I'm not sure if it helps me more to refuse myself chocolate (like a detox) or if it helps me to force myself to simply have a little. You'd never tell a crack addict that you should just learn to do a little, would you? Then again, I really don't want to be without chocolate. But of course, the drug addict don't want to be without his drugs either.
What do you guys think? What's better? Total abstinence, or cutting down. What's easier to handle? The carb monster is really a scary creature.
...
My buddy ramman999 asked me why I weigh in daily, so I though I'd share my thoughts on this. This is gonna be a long journal anyways, and I'm good on time today, so I might as well put some words on this too.
It seems that there are two "schools" on this in general, and here on fatsecret. Some people preach weekly weigh-ins, some preach daily weigh-ins. I'm kinda in the middle, as I have full understanding for both.
There is no right or wrong. I think it depends on your personality.
For some, if they see a weight gain, they are tempted to give up. For some, it's demotivational. For some, it's a stress factor. All these things make us do WORSE than our potential. If you feel like this, then I would recommend that you do weekly weigh-ins.
Now, I'm not saying that these people are less or weaker than others. I'm simply saying it's a matter of how we react, how we deal with the gains that we WILL have now and then. There's no way around them. We have water fluctuation, TOM for the ladies and so much more.
This is what I see of benefits of weekly weigh-ins. Many might disagree with me, and have other reasons. If you do, please share in the comments, so others can learn. Also, there is of course a HUGE thread in the forum about this. More than 1,000 posts in there. :)
Then there are the people like me who weigh in daily.
I can't tell you why others weigh in daily, but I can tell you why I do.
I do it to remain in control. I do it to understand what happens to my body when I make different decisions.
For me, weighing in daily gives me a fix point. I know that I will weigh in tomorrow morning, so it's ESSENTIAL that I do good today. For me, if I don't weigh in for a week, I will easily think that I can cheat today and compensate over the next few days. I will think this tomorrow too, and eventually only cheat and never compensate.
Weighing in takes this opportunity to cheat away from me. I get a slap on the wrist pretty much immediately.
It also ensures that I go on Fatsecret daily. It makes me HAVE to go here and journal, as weighing in and journaling are the same thing for me.
When I see the drops and gains, they help me to see how my choices affect my weigh-in. I wake up thirsty, I lose weight. Am I drained of water?
I eat a HEAVY dinner (even if it's low calorie) and I gain weight. Was it the calories of the day, or simply that an extra pound of food is passing through me?
To me, it's essential to see these things and learn from them. They help me understand the whole weight thing, and they help me see how my body reacts to different things.
It's also motivational for me. Yesterday is a great example. I lost a LOT of weight on yesterday's weigh-in. I think that it makes me safe, and I pig out. Today, I gained a full pound. THIS will make me 120% focused on my food choices today, and I will probably end up going much lower than RDI today - simply because it focuses me on the job there is to be done.
To me, a weight gain pushes me back into the right mindset. It motivates me, and drives me to where I need to be. It opens my eyes to the fact that I can't just say "Done!" and eat what I want. It reminds me that there is still a surgery mission and a maintenance mission here.
So I weigh in daily. I will do this for the rest of my life - even when I eventually stop counting calories.
Phew - this was a LONG journal. I gotta say, that I admire those of you who makes it all the way to the end. Maybe I should test how many of you actually get here, and read it all. ;)
...
I almost forgot! I want to share something with you. My daughter drew another amazing piece of art yesterday. We were watching The Walking Dead, our favorite show these days, and there was a very upsetting ending (not gonna give it away). She was so upset, and had to get it out somehow. So she drew, and did another masterpiece. I wanted to share it with you guys.
This is the scene that she painted. Let me just point out that she is NOT just painting on top of the picture. She uses it as a layout to compare with. The entire piece of art is built from scratch. I am so impressed that she can do one of these in a few hours. How's that even possible?!?
Here is the image that she has used for her picture:
Today I am thankful for:
- The drive to be back on track. FULLY back on track. No excuses.
- Coffee and a good night's sleep. I feel rested.
- Hopefully a good day at work.
- You guys!
- Sugar/fat free jell-o for a snack tonight. I love these things. It sucks that I'm almost running out. I gotta find a way to get more - they're not available in Denmark, sadly.
- Kitty Cat snuggling in my lap. Again. :)
