kingkeld's Journal, 16 January 2012

Wow, this weekend was weird.

I needed a day of just letting go of my diet, so I took my Indulgence Day, and just didn't care. Never again. I was hurting, feeling stuffed, and generally uncomfortable all day. Lesson learned. Then, Sunday, when I got up I started feeling dizzy and really sick. I don't think it's related to Saturday, though. I went to bed again and slept basically all day. What a waste of a perfectly good weekend.

I've had a lot of stressing over work this weekend. Sometimes I feel that there is a little too much going on, too many things I haven't learned yet, and too many places where I'm simply insecure. I think I am generally doing okay, though, it's just the insecurity that kills me. I like to know what I'm doing. I'm working on it though, and I'll get there. I just hope I get there before the stress of it all gets to me.

Today, and the rest of this week, I will work on a refocus on everything. Not just work, though I feel that I need to do this too. I think I need to simply do some minor adjustments, and it will be better. It could also just be that I need a few cases to settle down, then it's hopefully all better. That's what I'll be working on, alongside all the usual stuff. What I hate about it is that whenever I do anything, or whenever anything happens, it generates MORE work, more stuff to make me fall behind if I'm not careful. It can really make you feel like drowning if you're not careful. This is what I want to avoid, and this is what I'll be working on.

The 2nd part is that I want/need to "reboot" my weight loss journey. I was looking at numbers just now, and I am just not losing enough weight. I am lingering in that same 81-82 kg category that I have been in for a month. I am so close to the goal, and I don't see it come much closer. Sure, I've had new lows every week, but the steps are not big enough. I need to move a little bit faster.

I looked at what I've been doing at 1800 calories per day for the last week. Of course, it's 1800 per day, 6 days per week, plus my Indulgence Day, which is 3500. This evens out to an average of 2040 calories per day. To me, it seems to high. I think I need to go back to where I was. I will spend this week at 1600 calories, plus my Indulgence day. That will cut back another 1200 calories over the week, hopefully showing a little more on the result side.

Also, I feel that I have been slacking a little too much when it comes to food choices. Too many desserts (though low cal) in too large portions. I haven't really gone over what I'm allowed, but I feel that I haven't given my 100% in this.

Hopefully, this is enough to make the decision to get going again. Let's do this! There is no trying, remember? :)

I hope you guys had a much better weekend than I did. Mine, honestly, was not good.

This morning I feel somewhat sick again. The dizziness is still there lingering, but I need to go to work. If I don't, the infamous work load will be bigger, and I'll be stressing even more about them. I need to feel that I at least am doing something about it.

Today, I am thankful for
- my beautiful, understanding wife, who is always there for me.
- the decision to "reboot" my diet.

Busy or not, stressed or not, sick or not, Life IS good!
182.5 lb Lost so far: 159.2 lb.    Still to go: 0 lb.    Diet followed 100%.

Diet Calendar Entries for 16 January 2012:
1189 kcal Fat: 46.45g | Prot: 85.86g | Carb: 111.85g.   Breakfast: Green Chili Peppers (Canned), Tomatoes, Bell Peppers, Mushrooms, Onions, Egg. Lunch: Egg, Onions, Mushrooms, Bell Peppers, Tomatoes, Green Chili Peppers (Canned), Lettuce Salad with Assorted Vegetables. Dinner: Rainbow Trout (Farmed), Cooked Carrots, Cooked Broccoli (Fat Not Added in Cooking). Snacks/Other: Apples, Werther's Original Sugar Free Hard Candy, Eclipse Peppermint Sugar Free Chewing Gum, Kakaois. more...
3211 kcal Activities & Exercise: Bicycling (leisurely) - <10/mph - 1 hour, Standing - 6 hours and 30 minutes, Walking (moderate) - 3/mph - 20 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours, Sitting - 6 hours and 10 minutes, Desk Work - 2 hours. more...
on diet kingkeld's own diet   losing 12.3 lb a week

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Comments 
Hang in there Kingkeld. I am having a lousy few days too. We will get over it. I can imagine getting that close to the goal would make you a bit anxious, I often wonder what it will be like. Anyway, good luck and hope you feel better soon! 
16 Jan 12 by member: posterchild66
Thanks, my friend. I appreciate your comment, A LOT. Sometimes, we just need to let some of it out, right? :)  
16 Jan 12 by member: kingkeld
i do totally understand how you feel...i had a terrible week (you read some of my journals i suppose *smile*) and i was almost at the decision to just "quit the sh***"...but i didn't because you are an example that it can work. and you motivate so many people in here, keld. wish you all the luck in world that your reboot will be a success! 
16 Jan 12 by member: joelae
Hi Keld, You might not agree with me on what I think here, but please, give it some thought... We humans are strange beings, and often we do (or don’t) do things without us even being aware of it. Remember I asked you what you will do when you have reached your goal? In many people there is an underlying fear of success. Not because we fear success in itself but because reaching a specific goal (and thereafter) is an “unknown territory”. One can compare it to a war veteran that are used to bullets and bomb s flying around, but take it away suddenly? He starts to panic. The danger is gone but he can’t handle it! The person is subjected to more than one idea, and that paradigm shift can be very scary. Another example is where prison inmates served a long prison sentence, they actually fear being released! Often these people are back into the prison system in no time (read person picking up weight after reaching goal weight) You are used to climbing this mountain; you are used to having this goal you need to achieve. But what will Keld be without his goal? What will happen when you have actually reached it? The top of the mountain... No more to climb. The great finale, the endgültig! Perhaps this is why you have been lingering around 5 kg short of your goal for some time now. I think you are afraid of actually reaching your goal, and that is why you have been consciously and subconsciously sabotaging yourself. You now are stretching it - playing around with this RDI and that RDI, fact is you could have easily shed this 5 kg, if you really wanted to. I may be new in the weight loss game, but let me assure you in other areas of life I am well versed. You might need to sit down and define a new goal once you have reached your current goal. At the moment you find comfort in the knowledge that you are doing everything right, you count your calories and exercise and it is a mathematical fact that you will lose (and not gain) weight as energy cannot be destroyed but only displaced. You have successfully set up a failsafe security system. The boundaries are known. You feel secure. You need to wander outside your secure perimeter.... I think you know it.  
16 Jan 12 by member: Ryan75
morning Keld, sorry you had such a crappy weekend :-(. There maybe some truth in what Ryan said. I think it does get scary when you are there or thereabouts.... You have nothing to strive for. I am a goal focused person and know I find that difficult, and certainly haven't been doing as well as I had been. So.... I am going to think about Ryans explanation. It is hard after being disciplined for so long... Like you, I have been at this a long time. It gets hard to stay so disciplined, especially after some celebrations, where you now feel you can "let go" a bit. They do say maintenance is hard.... Maybe we don't realise how hard. It is not like you to not give something a "really good go" to see if it works (I am talking about your RDI increase). Maybe, in your heart you know it isn't the answer OR maybe you are just a bit scared. Could be, that now is not the right time to be messing about with something that has been working. I know you want to speed up your loss - but let's be realistic, you are at the end of your journey, so are not going to see the big losses you are used to. You can afford to loose the weight slowly, you now know (after reading the rules of your skin removal) that you will still qualify at the weight you are at - so what's the rush? I know you want to finish the journey - but will it EVER finish? I think not, we will all need to keep on top of our weight, for a long, long time - if not forever. Hope work goes well today..... Chin up :-) 
16 Jan 12 by member: Sk1nnyfuture
Ryan, (and SkInny) you very well may be right. I have actually adressed this with others sometimes (try to find your motivator or for that matter your de-motivator), and fear could very easily be something that plays with my head, whether I'm aware of it or not. I really appreciate you picking this torch up for me, because it's something that I simply haven't considered for ME. Having it pointed out, and thus forcing me to think about it could very well help me with this. I will give it some thought and act accordingly. I have set my RDI to where it was before, and I will work HARD on getting back to what I've been doing right for ages. Wait, does that mean I have to skip exercise? LOL! Of course not. :) Thanks, again. What would I do without you buddies? It's great to have all this support when we need it. I haven't been here too much lately, work is putting a little stress on my back that I have to deal with, but I am here in spirit in every moment I can't be here in person. Life IS good!  
16 Jan 12 by member: kingkeld
Wow, thought provoking comments today. I've lately been figuring out why I would fear being skinny, I hope that you don't have any reason to fear once you think all of it over. The last pounds are the hardest to lose, they go slower than any others, so give yourself a break from the stress of what is "fast enough." I'm so sorry to hear that you had an awful weekend. You are a wonderful person. You'll be back to 100% soon mentally, emotionally, and physically. Hope you can get your work straightened out- don't let the stress get you too far off track that you lose your focus. Good luck! :) 
16 Jan 12 by member: just.keep.swimming
Hope your back to normal soon...:O) 
16 Jan 12 by member: BHA
I am pretty much right there with you Keld, my plan is to be between 1500 and 2000 calories a day and exercise hard to achieve 1,000 calorie deficits 6 out of 7 days. I have been floating at or very close to 2,000 with almost no days around 1,500 with poorer quality food over the last two weeks. I don't know if I have more to lose or not, but I am sure not going to find out operating how I have been operating. Need to move the needle back in the direction of 1,500! Best of luck on your tweaks and hope things settle down for you at work. 
16 Jan 12 by member: Rpalmst
Sometimes the comment section is WAY more interesting than the journal! Today is one of those days. I have some things to think about. I don't THINK that I fear reaching goal. It's what I've been wanting. But of course, I have been having a "losing weight"-identity for a year and a half now. I've been good at it. Of course there will be some doubt about next level. Can I do it? Will I succeed? I just have to put on my "Yes, I can"-hat, and go do it. :) Guys, I really appreciate you! I will do a proper journal, proper exercise, proper food choices again. Let's finish strong! 
16 Jan 12 by member: kingkeld
Mmmm I'm with you Keld. It has made me look back at my weight history. On 12th December I was 165 pounds - I put on a pound and then lost it, so I am STILL at 165 pounds. Maybe time to focus, I still want to loose approx 5-6 pounds ...... Tut tut, even that was "approx" not very focused.... Damn, damn, damn. I know I have come a long way - as you have... BUT, time to focus. Thaks everyone from me too :-) 
16 Jan 12 by member: Sk1nnyfuture
It's always good to know that we're not alone with these issues. Sometimes all it takes it for someone to point them out. It's good to have all you guys. I think I said that before? :) I can't say it enough! 
16 Jan 12 by member: kingkeld
AWESOME journal! First of all, Keld ... you are human. I think your "let it go Indulgence day" was a subconscious "sabotage". You try to be strong for a lot of us, including those that depend on your at your work. You had a "weak" moment. You had a "human" moment. Sometimes we step backwards before we can go forward again and with more steam. It might seem like getting those last pounds off is going to take superhuman effort, but YOU WILL DO IT! Take a deep breath and reflect back on those little tweaks you mentioned in your journal today. Eliminate those low calorie desserts for a while ... not forever, just until you reach your goal. I have heard that artificial sweeteners can actually hinder you losing weight. Just a thought. I am no expert but just trying to help in some way. Life is good! Keep smiling! (((HUGS!!))) 
16 Jan 12 by member: Mom2Boxers
Personally I dont think you needed to lower the calories again, but then I dont do indulgence day, so that might be why. I'm just worried that with the extra exercise you need more calories. But like skinny said, you truly are at the very end of your weight loss journey and they all say the last pounds are the most difficult... How much do you think the excess skin weight? What they will be removing I mean? 
16 Jan 12 by member: sunshine_girl
OMG.... Sunshine girl has a point.... How much DOES that surplus skin weigh? It could be you are at a lower BMI without it..... What a thought!! Certainly does make you think... Maybe that is why they say 10% (not sure if I have this right) off perfect BMI is ok. Maybe it is about lowering your expectations - (originally I was going to say maintaining, but I don't think that is right for you just yet).  
16 Jan 12 by member: Sk1nnyfuture
Well, I admit, I haven't read everyone's comments, but I have my own to add and maybe it will ring true. 1. Hang in there. I know you've been doing this long enough to know that, but we all need support. 2. Add more vegetation and maybe drop some of the meats. Your bod is maybe trying to tell you that you need more micronutrients. 3. Have you thought about adding a juice fast? Even just a few days could be what you need to kickstart. Check out the doc Fat Sick and Nearly Dead for an idea of what it can do for nutrition, weight loss and general feeling. This is what started hub and me on our little journey, and though we've slacked on the juicing part, and on the 95% veg during the holiday season, but we are ready to get back to it. Helped me get to 30lbs off and hub got to 35lbs off just prior to Thanksgiving. 4. As for the stress of work... EXERCISE. Get on that bike of yours, get outside if it's not TOO nipply out there... That can help reduce your stress, even if it doesn't reduce the workload. Sorry to hear about your crap weekend--it WILL get better!!  
16 Jan 12 by member: ZippyDani
It is a holiday here in the USA - no federal or state workers are on the job - no school either - Martin Luther King Day. There are all sorts of bugs or flu germs floating around here now. I had a flu shot this year and I am sure it helped since many, many people I know were very ill in the past month... hope you feel better. I am trying to average 2000 calories a day - I think it is reasonable as I am 6'2" tall... 
16 Jan 12 by member: GlennM
Hope that you are back in the pink quickly. Sorry that your weekend was such a bust.  
16 Jan 12 by member: ctlss
A very thought-provoking journal and comments today and I agree with much of it, especially Ryan's ideas. Even if we don't directly or subconsciously sabotage our own efforts (although I'm sure that happens ) I think we often find it difficult to accept and build on success - there may be a subconscious feeling that we don't deserve the success or we may be afraid of what our success will bring us, especially in terms of change. I know for myself that I've had a dream for almost 20 years to get back to studying and get a Masters degree. I was accepted onto the course I wanted last October but I'm finding it really difficult to bring the dream into reality and put in the hours of studying required. Also, Kingkeld, re your work situation, I think it's very good for us to be a little out of our comfort zone so you could try looking at that anxiety as a positive. However, I agree that you need to keep up to date with the daily workload so as not to accumulate stress. I'm sure you'll work it out and be back on top of things in a few days - feeling unwell can really put the boot in on everything we do. How are you progressing with the mindfulness? I'm sure that will help with weight loss and work. Keep smiling, you'll be fine :) 
16 Jan 12 by member: Earthlady
King, stress is a killer. I'm thinking about introducing meditation to my daily routine. Your mind can make or break you in every arena and your job sounds like a rough one, stress wise. I hope you start feeling better soon. It sounds like you've caught an actual germ of some sort, not just overindulgence. Take care my lovely friend. 
16 Jan 12 by member: Johanne

     
 

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