|
The challenge from guilt is allowing it to convict you of the need to change without sapping the desire and energy to try to change when faced with it. Too often the guilt can warp into shame, and rather than empowering oneself to move forward, it imprisons oneself to fall farther behind.
I officially kept at or below 150lb for a year, but I knew I had been exercising very bad habits and very little self control. So when I stepped on the scale this morning I was not surprised, just disappointed and deeply ashamed. I don't just want to make excuses but I don't know if I can change. Generally the more I see my condition the more despairing I get and the less will I have to fight with for something better.
Perhaps part of the issue is not deeming this a failure, but rather a set back or a spring board. (And, oh is it ever so much easier to say that than to do it!) I've been dealing with this food addiction surreptitiously for so long, never really calling it what it is.
Abba, I need you to reveal to me that old things HAVE PASSED away and empower me to walk in newness free of this addiction, because I know with certainty that nothing in me can do this. I need Your help, G-d, or I will continue to fall into this trap and this pattern just as I have so many times before. Thank you, G-d, that You are faithful. Please help me to stay faithful too so that I do not dishonor You in my body with the way I've been trying to cope with emotional stress through food. Amen!
|
156.0 lb
Lost so far: 16.0 lb.
Still to go: 26.0 lb.
Diet followed poorly.
|
gaining 6.4 lb a week
|