Annabelle3117's Journal, 05 April 2014

The first gift of the day, given to me from me. 189.0, beautifully done. I went to the store yesterday to get some new dress clothes for my interview next week (part of the nursing school application process), and I have confirmed that I am indeed a size 12/14. I needed to confirm it with fresh clothes, as I found it very easy to doubt the used jeans I bought from my friend lol. Very hard to wrap my head around that. I'm elated. Except from the brief moment that must have happened when I was an early teen, I have never been this small. When I was pregnant with my daughter at 16 I weighed in at 235.

I'm going to start my day off right with an intense cardio session at the gym. Preferably running, we will see what's available. I need to blow off some steam. My mom and brother kind of made me feel guilty when they asked if I was going over to visit them for a good ol' family birthday. I almost laughed out loud when I said "NO!" Then the guilt lol. I shouldn't feel guilty, it's not like they went out of their way to make any plans with me. Hell, one year I got suckered in to buying them all dinner on my birthday!! Ugh, family. My brother also decided to ask me what I would do if he committed suicide. If you are a Harry Potter fan, these people are my death eaters. Cried the whole drive home, slept if off, starting fresh today.

No change with my friend Kayla. She is still in a coma and completely unresponsive. Her grandmother has little hope, and seeing as how that woman has been an RN her whole life I'm inclined to share her opinion. Now it has been brought to my attention that Kayla's grandparents are looking for Kayla's possessions...that my brother specifically told me he returned to them. Nobody seems to know what happened to them, and I am so afraid he pawned them for dope money. Doesn't get much lower than that. I haven't asked him yet, I'm afraid of the answer.

But that was a Friday in the life of Yolanda, and today is a Saturday. A day I intend to spend entirely with my husband and our two wonderful fighting children :-). Hell, today and tomorrow lol. And maybe I'll just give all of my shifts with my sister to another provider. It will cut my income drastically, but think of the sanity that will be saved. The sanity... Busting out of my hamster wheel and making a break for it!

It's going to be a good day, and I don't mean to make it sound like I'm wallowing in misery because I'm not. Sure, these are troubling times in the kingdom, but journaling is my therapy, I get it out and put it away. Also helps me to work through my own emotions. Which reminds me, I remember someone told me they had been to al-anon, and talking about support groups. I don't know where to start in finding something like that for myself, everything I've found is in Cleveland, which is way to far from here. Any pointers would be greatly appreciated.

Have a wonderful day everyone :-)

189.0 lb Lost so far: 97.0 lb.    Still to go: 0 lb.    Diet followed reasonably well.

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2636 kcal

Fat: 109.05g | Prot: 156.89g | Carb: 226.75g.   Breakfast: Nickles Light 35 Wheat Bread, Bob Evans Original Pork Sausage Patties (52g), Bertolli Olive Oil, Egg White, Egg, Coffee-Mate Original Powder Creamer. Lunch: Longhorn Steakhouse Butter (for Sweet Potato), Longhorn Steakhouse Cinnamon Sugar (for Sweet Potato), Longhorn Steakhouse Plain Sweet Potato, Longhorn Steakhouse Renegade Top Sirloin (8 oz), Longhorn Steakhouse Freshly Baked Bread Loaf, Longhorn Steakhouse Texas Tonion, Sangria. Dinner: HEB Extra Lean Ground Beef 96/4, Ortega Taco Seasoning Mix, Borden Shredded Cheddar Cheese, Bolthouse Farms Salsa Ranch Yogurt Dressing, Old El Paso Super Stuffer Taco Shells. Snacks/Other: Dannon Light & Fit Yogurt - Strawberry (Container), Kellogg's FiberPlus Antioxidants Chewy Bars - Dark Chocolate Almond. more...