kingkeld's Journal, 10 March 2014

Good morning!

Sorry for my absence the last couple of days. It's been a couple of very stressful days - the usual crap - and not exactly days with a whole lot of proud moments.

Friday and Saturday I over-ate badly, and seeing how the scale just went up and up and up, I decided to put a stop to it. Those numbers were just screaming in my face - and I realized that I had to do something more drastic, but (obviously) accomplishable.

I'm back at drawing the line in the sand, once again.

I don't know how many lines I have drawn this year. A lot. But I gotta keep drawing them until I don't need them.

...

So, yesterday I had enough. Again. I had over-eaten all of Saturday. Pizza, candy. Junk. I felt like I had eaten all the food in the world. Continents are now running low on sugar because of me.

No more.

...

So, yesterday I decided to go a slightly different route. I added a little extra motivation and commitment, and I'm gonna do it here too.

I went to the IIFYM-facebook page, and posted a "new" set of before pictures - pictures taken yesterday. I stated my goal of reaching a body fat percentage of 10. With it, I also posted a picture from my morbidly obese days.

Wow.

This morning, 90 persons had "Liked" my pics, and I got an ARMY of encouragement, just like I see it here on Fatsecret. I had so many great comments along with them, it was mind blowing.

I have to say I truly felt accepted for what I have accomplished so far. I felt encouraged to do better, to do more. I felt that I can do this last bit, and that it really just is a small bit.

I know what I need to be doing, and I know how to do it. What I suck at lately has been applying all the things that I know.

It feels like it changed something in my perspective to hear from these people too. A LOT of them are very very focused on strength training and body building. A lot of them are in ridiculously good shape. A lot of them are cheering me on to reach some of those levels.

I know I will never get the super fit look. My skin is simply too loose for that. But it doesn't mean I can't have the lean look and feel.

Like one said, "Wear the loose skin as a badge of your past, not as a ghost of what was but as a reminder of what will never be again." I love that thought.

What was also interesting was to see a handful of fatsecreteers there in the comments. It's great to see familiar faces!

This whole experience was SO motivational. It really made me want to focus, and it really pushed me forward.

...

Yesterday was my "first day".

I'm basically doing what I normally do, but withouth straying from my plan. LOL. Yup, that'll make a HUGE difference. :)

I go with two numbers on my calorie intake.

The max allowance, like we all have when we lose weight. This number is based on my calorie burn and my weight loss goals.

The other number is the MINIMUM calories required for me to not lose muscle. I do NOT want to lose muscle. This means that a weight loss journey can only happen so fast. I can't speed things up ridiculously.

If I work out harder then usual, then I need to compensate in my calorie intake.

Right now I can take an a calorie deficit hit of approx 900, meaning I can consume 2100 calories if I burn 3000, 1900 if I burn 2800, etc. I can't go lower than that. That's a good thing. I won't be hungry, when I play my cards right. Ever.

Of course I will also make sure my macros are right, and eat according to IIFYM. I'm already planning today's meals, but nothing is set in stone just yet. I will make sure it's all set before I leave the house, so I can shop and do right.

...

I have to say this time feels a little different. I feel stronger in my determination on doing this. I want to finish it. I want to be where I need to be.

...

Another thing...

I am supposed to be doing a follow up with my surgeon this coming Friday. Frankly, I'm embarrased. I do NOT want to go, and I very well might call and cancel it.

I don't want to be there at this weight. I feel like I completely let go (which I did) after surgery, with all the stress and whatnot. Not good.

I'm considering pushing the meeting a few weeks.

Basically, it's just a matter of seeing that everything has settled right, and that I am healing as I should.

I have healed perfectly. There is absolutely no issues anywhere. The only issue is that I am overweight.

It's not overweight to the point where I have put my surgery results in jeopardy, at least. It's just too much fat and fluid, but nothing that can't bounce back to how it was.

...

When I think about it, it sometimes makes me feel very shallow. It makes me feel like I don't appreciate all that I HAVE accomplished. This is obviously not the case.

However, I have always been the type that doesn't dwell in the past. I look forward.

This means that I will probably always look at the few kilos ahead of me, instead of the many kilos behind me. It's just the way I am. I want those gone.

Of course I know that what I have accomplished already is HUGE. It's something that not many get to do. But they aren't bugging me. They're done. It's the work ahead that needs my focus.

I know it isn't even hard to do. I've done it before, several times. Once I am in the right mindset and the right zone, it's just a matter of doing it.

...

So, I'm doing it. Starting yesterday.

Yesterday was perfect accomplishment. I did exactly as I had planned.

I will do this again today.

...

Before I leave, I wanted to also share the pictures that I posted on the Facebook page.

Wife took them. I have to say I was surprised, especially at the back picture. I can clearly see that there is room for improvement, but I had no idea how muscular I have become, after all.

I never really see myself in that light. I probably tend to look at the scale and the numbers a lot more than I look in the mirror.

This also tells me to be happy with what I have, and just take my time to improve what I already have. I have no real rush, but I have to have the focus.

I want a speedy weight loss to get to the point where I can live without the larger calorie deficit, and where I feel lighter on my toes. Life is just easier there.

Other than that, I am in no hurry to lose the weight.

I'm aiming for 1 lb per week, not counting the many lbs that will drop initially. I know a lot will drop, as it got on fast, and not everything is fat.

I'm MANY liters of fluid heavier today than I was just a few days ago.

Seeing those two pictures put some things in perspective for me, for sure. I had no idea that I actually had muscle tone like this.

It might not be "body builder worthy", but for little ol' me, it's pretty damn cool. :)

This give me the feeling of accomplishment, and really tells me that the rest of the journey will SO be worth it.

Here we go:




...

Today, I'm thankful for:
- Focus!
- A weekend with more sleep. Sadly not much of that last night, though.
- Morning coffee.
- Wife!

I will be back tomorrow. Focused and on track. Guaranteed. :)

Life is good.
203.3 lb Lost so far: 138.5 lb.    Still to go: 15.9 lb.    Diet followed poorly.
on diet kingkeld's own diet   gaining 9.8 lb a week

11 Supporters    Support   

Comments 
what a great post!! its amazing what you accomplished so far. im speechless! such an inspiration! im off to gym in an hour and i will be thinking of you as my inspiration. everything is possible IF YOU REALLY WANT IT! well done you and good luck in the future. its unbelievable!  
09 Mar 14 by member: flyingstrawberry
WOW, you are amazing! I need to lose 24 lbs so I can have my left hip replaced. I eventually need to lose at least 50 lbs more, but that will come after the replacement, when I'm able to exercise more & better. I'm in so much pain now with my hip, sometimes I can hardly stand it. OK, that was an unintended pun, hee hee! I also went out to eat with my daughter yesterday, & was shocked when my scale this morning said I've gained 6 lbs since last week! Its battery needs replaced, but I double checked so I think this is my true weight & that I did gain 6lbs. Waaah! But I'm not giving up, & don't you give up either. As long as we keep trying we're still succeeding, no matter what the scale says, & the weight WILL come off. Best Wishes for success this week, Glammer. 
10 Mar 14 by member: GLAMMER
Thanks, guys. I appreciate it. I wasn't fishing for compliments, though. I've had so many ups and downs lately, stress has been murder on me, but it seems that the light of the end of the tunnel IS coming closer, and it looks like it MIGHT not be an oncoming train for once. I'm confident that I can reach the finishing line. I know it will take a little restraint, but it's not more than I have had before. As long as I play my cards right, choose the right foods, I'll be ok. I did it yesterday, and I'm doing it today. I'll do it again tomorrow. Watch me.  
10 Mar 14 by member: kingkeld
Looking great, Keld! I think you are right on in your planning and I think you will achieve your goals fast with this new strategy!  
10 Mar 14 by member: Draglist
my dear friend, Doesn't it sometimes look like you have a RCD fixed to your body at times, that just seems to switch off at random times, and you have to find your lighter locate the damned switch, and when you pull with all your might, the stupid thing seems stuck. When you finally switched the stupid thing on, it all goes well for a time, and when you least expect it, then the fucking lights go out again. And you look around and wonder what did i do? what did i do wrong? *** In your case you just got the flashlight, you know where the switch is, so now you know you have to pull with all your might!!! And i know you have a lot of might! PULL!!! maud. 
10 Mar 14 by member: puhpine
Like you, I tend not to look too closely in the mirror, trusting the numbers instead... But every once in a while, you really have to, because if you don't, you might miss some good things that are happening! 
10 Mar 14 by member: zebdavison
Good for you and your determination. It is so wonderful to get the support we need to just keep on going in the right direction. Progress not Perfection my friend...Cheers 
10 Mar 14 by member: Lynn1958
That's the way to go KK, just keep it off, & those lbs WILL COME OFF! It's so hard when we've got so many lbs to lose, it gets very discouraging at times, but it just makes sense that if we keep going it will happen. The only failure is in quitting, which I know neither of us will do, as we want this so much. Just keep it up, & I look forward to your continuing success story. And to mine, too. 
10 Mar 14 by member: GLAMMER

     
 

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