kingkeld's Journal, 17 January 2014

Good morning!

So, I've been back to work for a week, and I can REALLY tell how it's affecting me mentally. I can feel the stress coming back. Boo.

The more I think about it, the more I see that I will NOT be working in the field I am doing forever.

I definitely want to move towards a happier life, maybe my own business, and hopefully working more and more with other things than my main job.

I can't talk about the issues a whole lot here, as it IS about work, but I try to work myself through it the same way as I work myself through my weight loss problems - by writing. I just do it offline. It sucks, though, as you guys are such a great group to get response from when issues arise.

It's nice to know that one isn't all wrong on certain topics, and a (relatively) anonymous forum is often a great place for such talks.

Anyways, the stress IS getting to me.

I'm sure that this is one of the things that bug me and prevents me from sleeping. I know it was last night. I have had another 4-hour night. It is now the 5th one in a row. I woke up thinking, upset, angry, sad and everything in between. It's frustrating.

I keep my positive attitude no matter what. I won't let myself break out of that. The more positive I stay, the more I handle. The better I feel. The happier I am.

I truly think that it is true that we can choose our attitude on most things. But when the crap pile gets high enough, it's time to start moving on, I think.

Sooner or later, this will happen. I'm sure of that.

...

As a result of all this, I am up at 2 AM. I'm done sleeping. I know that if I go back to bed now, I will most likely not sleep. If I DO sleep, it will be almost impossible for me to wake up when it's time to wake up.

I'm better off NOT sleeping.

The few hours that I DID sleep, I slept uneasy. Not just because of the stress, but also because my stomach was hurting.

...

The stressful situation at work is not exactly helping me make the good food choices, and my stomach isn't all too happy with me.

Too many lunches out. Too much bad food. Sure, it's all been accounted for. It's all been fitted into my daily macro balance. There isn't any kind of damage on my weight mission, I think.

But the food choices we make can have a HUGE impact on how we FEEL.

I've had pizza a couple of days. I have an RDI of about 3000 daily, so I can EASILY fit it in. I know what I'm doing.

However, I can not fit in the bad feeling my stomach has afterwards. :)

A whole lunch pizza - approx 600g - is pretty fierce to my system. Make that two days in a row, and I have to take quite a puishment.

Oh, well. It's my own fault. I did this to me.

...

I've already changed. I am bringing lunch today. I'm bringing roast beef and vegetables. Plenty of protein, and not too crazy on calories - and a MUCH better choice than pizza.

Tonight, Wife and I are going to Bones, our favorite steak house. I will bring my little portable scale and keep everything in check.

I will probably have another steak, or maybe just ribs. I'm not fully decided on this yet - but I have 2500 calories to spend, so there are no issues here.

The hardest part of the Bones game is to avoid the ice cream dessert buffet. It's a good thing that there is an extra charge, and it's pretty pricey. It's like ten dollars(!) to have it.

This is of course dangerous. I could probably go with having just a little. But with a price tag like that, I just feel that I don't get my money's worth, unless I have a LOT more, which is obviously not good.

So, it's better than I don't have any.

For the record, the same rules go for the salad bar. I also opt out of that one. :)

Most times, I like my food simple.

I like my meals to be something "easily recognizable".

I like it to be something like a piece of meat, a measurable sides, something I can usually weigh off in the kitchen as I serve myself, or something that I can move from my plate to my scale and write down if I am at a restaurant.

I don't like to go out and order pasta bolognese for that very reason. In that case, I'll take a nice steak and a baked potato with all stuffings on the side so I can add them myself.

Sure, it's a little tedious. But it gives me total control of the meal. It works.

...

So, steak house tonight. I'm looking forward to it.

...

The MAIN reason to go to Roskilde, where the steak house is, is to go return a little practice amplifier that I bought for my bass playing.

It's an amazing little amp, but it has a hum that isn't supposed to be there. Sadly, it makes it a complete no-go for me.

The hum itself is okay, as it's just for practice, but it could be a fault in the circuits, and I'll end up with a dead unit. Also, should I ever decide to take it to play a small concert somewhere, I would not be able to put a microphone to it and play it louder over a PA system, because of the noise. It would sound horrible.

I hope they have a replacement one. I like this little amp. It was very affordable, and sounds awesome.

...

Today, there will most likely be less walking, and less calorie burn than usual.

It's raining hard. I doubt that it'll clear up in time. Maybe I can squeeze in my steps over the course of the day - and surely traveling to Roskilde will help some, but I doubt that I'll make it all the way.

Most days I would have just compensated by getting on my bike. Well, I tried already. My legs are tired. I've been on my feet a LOT more than I have the last month and a half. I lasted for about 2 minutes, and then realized that I would never make it to the end. I'll wave the white flag on this one and admit defeat.

It's not like I NEED to have the high calorie burn exactly today. I could just go a couple of hundred calories down in intake. I could also just have the whole thing evened out over the next month by using the numbers in my spreadsheet. It all depends how the day goes. It shouldn't be all too difficult to go "low" on calories. It would probably mean that I should end at around 2000-2500 on my intake. Lunch is 500 calories, so there would be PLENTY of calories left for the steak house. :)

I will probably walk just a little extra on my way to work, take a short detour somewhere. And of course, I will keep an eye on the weather. If I am walking, then it's in about three hours. The weather could easily change.

I'm not TOO concerned with the calorie burn for one day. I just like to KNOW that I have consumed slightly fewer calories that I have burned, to ensure that I don't gain weight. That's all.

Looking back at my statistics, I see that my numbers generally are VERY consistent. Whether I look at the stats for one week, one month, three months or 6 months, they ALL say an average calorie burn between 3000 and 3200 calories daily.

I think I can count on this. If I end up at 2500 today, then so be it. I just would like to make sure that it doesn't happen like that every day. Suddenly, the averages will start coming down, and so will my RDI. I like to have a high RDI, but it takes effort.

I'm also "working out" today. I still don't see it as a workout, doing ONE lift.

Next week, at least I'm allowed to do two lifts per round. I hope that feels better. I miss doing this RIGHT, and I miss the added calorie burn. I could have used it today.

That being said, there is NO way that I could go in and do the same set of lifting that I did the last time before surgery. The machines have turned HEAVY on me while I was away. It's amazing how much it changed. They are SO heavy.

On one hand, it's depressing to see how much strength I have lost. It bothers me, to be honest. I don't like feeling weaker.

On the other hand, I know that I can "just" work my way back. Sure, it'll take effort, but in a way that's the fun part of it. The progress. And on the other hand, it gives me a chance to take a breather and actually FEEL how much stronger I was - and how much stronger I can be again.

I don't think I even realized the strength I have built up over the last year. I know that some of my friends that I have shown at the gym or elsewhere have been stunned to see the change. On occasion, a client or friend wants to try lifting what I lift. They can't even move the things. Not even nudge them.

I don't look like I am strong like that. I just look fit.

...

So, today's mission is to keep my head clear. Try to NOT stress over work.

Then enjoy the weekend.

I'm working at the gym both Saturday and Sunday. I'm hoping that a coworker will come take my Saturday, so I will have a day off. I need it. Cross my fingers on that one.

I have no other plans for the weekend, I just would like to have a day where I can put my feet up.

If I end up working at the gym both days, then at least it's easy work. Talking to people, help out on questions, a little house cleaning. Nothing major. And I will definitely get my steps in. :)

...

I did my weigh-in at 2:30 AM. It's in no way precise. I know that if I weigh in super early, I am usually heavier.

Still, I'm down a few hundred grams, reached 83 kilos sharp.

Body fat percentage is up a bit, muscle and fluid is down.

I do see a trend that body fat is increasing. I'm not sure whether it's just "right now" - the two pizzas could easily have done some impact, or if it is a general trend. It shouldn't be, but who knows?

I am keeping an eye on it, but I'm not changing anything unless it starts going much higher. My body fat weight and percentage is the same as it was just before surgery. It's not a bad place to be, but there IS room for improvement.

I'm already in "weight loss mode" to fix it a little. I'm doing a half lb weight loss per week. Nice and slow. The question is, of course, whether it's enough to actually make a dent in anything.

When we enter our foods, there will always be errors, and misinterpretations. We can't enter it precisely. So when I do, do I do it precise enough? I try to. But if I am only aiming for a 250 calorie deficit daily, and I calculate 150 calorie wrong in a day, then I only see a 100 calorie deficit, right?

Still, that's my goal right now, and I'm sticking to it. Most days I am somewhat lower, creating a larger deficit, but I save up those calories for the fun days, or the days where I just can't resist a huge back of candy.

I know that one of those days are coming up. It's been quite a while, actually. Couple of weeks or more. When it comes to candy in larger bags, that's "quite a while" for me. :)

...

I think the reason that I have been able to resist it is simple. I have a larger RDI, because I work hard to earn it on my calorie burn, and I have figured out to utilize this to my benefit.

This means that I - on any given day - have enough calories to have a little of the fun stuff.

I often buy dark chocolate these days. It's rare that I have a day where my food intake is so high that I can't fit in 100g of dark chocolate.

So when I feel like it, I have it.

The trouble is much more when I want CANDY. When I want candy, there is usually siginicantly larger amounts of calorie damage. For these days, it's nice to know that I have saved up calories that I can have later on.

This is another thing I am incorporating in my spreadsheet. The ACTUAL number of calories saved up (or owed, if things are going the wrong way!) from the last 28 days. Today, I'm actually 5900 calorie ahead of schedule.

...

This is also food for thought, because that SHOULD have given me a kilo fat loss, and I haven't seen that happen. It's might prove that I do need to reconsider either what I can eat or how accurate the fitbit calorie burn actually is.

I have been thinking about how I can best use these numbers. I think the easiest way to do it is to change the way I read the calorie BURN, and not the calorie INTAKE.

The intake has so many factors. It will always be easier to just get and RDI handed out and then consume within that number.

However, the calorie burn just kinda follows itself.

If I simply decided to only use a percentage of my calorie burn, then the RDI would adjust downwards accordingly.

It should be simple to implement. All I would have to do is to be able to enter the factor, say "90", and a 3000 calorie daily burn would change to 2700, and thus start nudging my RDI down to an acceptable level where I can maintain my weight better and optimally.

These are the fine tunings that needs to be made. They will take quite a while to get right, but I'm in no hurry.

Today, though, I will implement the feature in my spreadsheet, so I have it ready and good to go.

I won't implement it just yet. I need a little longer testing time before I want to conclude that things ARE in fact going the wrong way.

Maybe around February 1st?

Essentially, it could be smart to adjust things monthly. It gives me plenty of time to actually get a clear and easy-to-read idea of what happens.

...

Today, I will try to do a little more to NOT stay awake tonight. I will entirely skip coffee, I think. Unless I'm totally falling asleep at work. LOL!

...

Wow. A LOT of thoughts today. I can't believe that I wrote all this, considering how tired I am. Well done, Keld. Well done. :)

...

Today, I'm thankful for
- Friday!
- NO coffee. I will probably need it, but I'll try not to have any. I think it's a smart move.
- Wife! I am excited to go out with her tonight. Then home to sleep. :)
- Kitty cat for keeping me company all morning.

Happy Friday! Life is good!
183.0 lb Lost so far: 158.7 lb.    Still to go: 0 lb.    Diet followed 100%.
on diet kingkeld's own diet   losing 4.6 lb a week

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Comments 
Your heart issue??? 
16 Jan 14 by member: ClassicRocker
NO news on the heart issue just yet, Rocker. I went and had the EKG done, it's sent to the doctor, he's referring me to the hospital if they deem it necessary, which I am very sure they do. If you're thinking about whether the heart affects my sleep then yet - I've thought of that. It could be. I haven't had a good night's sleep since my heart fell back into the old rhythm. :/ 
16 Jan 14 by member: kingkeld
Hang in there, Keld. Hope it all works out the way you want it to. 
16 Jan 14 by member: Draglist
Be well Keld, I hope the job issues subside. I'm sure you have many that benefit from your guidance. You have so much on your plate with work, your heart concerns and maintaining your daily routine. I worry that you lack of sleep also can interfere with heart health. This is coming from an insomniac, please find some way to get some sleep and lower your stress levels. Best wishes! 
16 Jan 14 by member: ChicaLean
Keld Ive worked in sales, marketing, management and had my own businesses most of my adult life, Im worldly wise and well travelled and if you want someone who lives thousands of kilometres away to talk to about work issues Im your man. You have shown my incredible kindness and been really helpful to me since Im been here so Im genuinely happy to be a sounding board for you and let you rant and rave away. Who knows I may be able to offer some help or assistance back. So if you want to by all means private message me or even email, Id love to help if I can, anytime. Steve 
16 Jan 14 by member: Kingstephen
Steve, I truly appreciate it. I might just do that. Thank you, my friend. :) 
17 Jan 14 by member: kingkeld
Stress is a killer.. I fully appreciate, how you must be feeling and how it affects you. I worked in a stressful job (media) and didn't appreciate how stressed I was, until I had a break. Now when I look back, I really don't know why I stayed for so long. I think because you have had some breaks... With your ops... you realise that a weight lifts off you, when you are not at work. It's sad, that in yo days world, there is so much pressure on us. Chin up, work at your weight loss classes and build your knowledge... It may be the way forward for you x 
17 Jan 14 by member: Sk1nnyfuture
All things look like they are heading in one direction for you KK. Just have to work through them. We are all here for you. Hang in there. :) 
17 Jan 14 by member: Mom2Boxers
Hang in there keld ....my prayers are with u ...a fellow musician I am ..I play lead guitars and am picky about amps as you are ..we musician have a heart that feels ....I guess :-) ...hang in there 
17 Jan 14 by member: vijaykarkala
I am sorry that work is such a bear. I think you work in the health field, like I do. You can vent here a little as long as you don't name names so to speak. I have a great job now but it wasn't always that way and I know I vented like heck on here, but just in general terms. I am so sorry that you are under such stress. Especially in light of your 2 recent health events. And lack of sleep is a major stumbling block to weight loss/maintenance. It is very difficult to turn off our brains, that's for sure. I have no answers or suggestions Keld, just my usual support. Enjoy your week-end. You are doing very well given the crap you are going through. Thank goodness you have such a wonderful life partner that you love so much, helps keep life in perspective. It is only a job and can be changed and I am sure you will be your own boss soon enough.  
17 Jan 14 by member: sarahsmum
i couldnt agree more sarahsmum...this is a good place to vent..and like you rightly mentioned ..keld ur lucky to have such a wonderful partner ..not many of us have that privilege and that itsef multiplies the work stress that we go through ...ur doing well keld i wish u luck and more power to you!  
17 Jan 14 by member: vijaykarkala

     
 

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