I have now been in maintenance for 1 year and 8 and 1/2 months. Almost 2 years. Just remembering today how nice it is to wake up and not have to steady myself against the wall, because my lower back is no longer in pain. How wonderful it is to be able to sit and type like this in bed without constantly having to adjust my body because of the weight and pressure on my tail bone. Wow, how long has it been since I had to stop mid-way to my trek upstairs to lie flat on the floor, or grab the rails with a death like grip because my sciatica was causing so much pain and that extra 90 lbs didn't help, either. Going to the bathroom is a piece of cake and no longer a negotiation between physical pain and coordination.
But, the topper of all of this...is that when I look in the mirror - I don't see some thin, skinny, little frail waif - every part of this lean body is popping with muscle and strength I never even dreamed possible. The same muscle and strength that allows me to help my mother lessen the burden on her own joints by carrying in all the groceries, or changing out the water filter on our heat pump, mow the lawns so she can just enjoy her gardening, or saving her arthritic fingers from opening up a jar sealed too tight. The biggest joy is finally being able to "be" the help, kindness, tenderness, and love I want to see in the world - to "BE" it for the amazing soul that helped bring me into it to begin with...
to "be" and continue to transform into that kind of change...into that kind of well being... is where it's at, and frankly I can think of no greater "why"
