kingkeld's Journal, 11 April 2013

Good morning!

Now, I don't know about you, but in a way I can help laughing and at the same time being bothered when someone describes me to a T in his blog.

It's not me he's writing about, but just a general describtion. But when I read it, it was pretty damn close.

I'm talking about this:

It's a pretty good read, and I can definitely relate. I would recommend you reading this, whether you're in maintenance or in weight loss mode. It's a lot of good thinking on something we'll all need sooner or later.

I was pointed to this article by one of the "FatSecret Fitness Gurus" in my community post from yesterday. I got a lot of great info there, and I appreciate all the input from you guys - also those who commented here, and the few in my inbox. Thanks!

Of course, I have been thinking A LOT about this. I need to work it out, and I do see where some of the kinks in my general approach to it are. Fortunately, I also see that I am not doing all bad.

One of the things that essentially makes it HARDER for me to do this is my LOW CAL days of 600 calories. They bring the general calorie demand for the other days up high. Very high. Indulgence Day level high. Pretty much for 5 days per week.

That's a lot of food, and it's something that I am mentally not comfortable with. However, I also see that our bodies are engines that need fueling, and enough of it. No fuel, no drive. Right?

So, as I am essentially not interested in losing any significant amount of weight, the beforementioned blog suggests that I "get over my fat loss" mentally, and accept that if I want to build serious muscle then I have to accept that I will gain weight - and that some of this weight WILL be fat!

If I want to gain muscle weight, then the fat will need to be there occasionally, and that is apparently just the way it works.

I can live with that. Actually, I think I came to terms with that yesterday, after I realized that I might not have enough fat on my body to actually get the fat loss that I am looking for. It's an impossible mission.

So, the logical choice is to NOT lose fat but build muscle. Or just say I am happy where I am, and move on. However, I feel that I can still get better, I am enjoying my level of health, I am enjoying gym and the walks.

I do realize that it's probably not sustainable to walk every single morning for a full hour. It's probably not sustainable to go to the gym 5-6 times per week. Not for all eternity. But then again, why not just go as much as I can possibly get to - especially as I like doing it and I actually benefit from it both physically and mentally?

I'm loving my walks - and I am loving Spotify! I get to hear a lot of music that I can't really get to dedicate to anywhere else. I would hate to miss out on that.

So... what to do?

Well, it's a shocker that I am up a kilo today. I consumed 2600 calories yesterday, according to the plan that I set for myself. It's a tough cookie to swallow, allowing me to eat all that, and seeing that gain.

I had a large breakfast, and okay 2nd breakfast, a very nice lunch, a protein bar, fruit, a nice hamburger steak with butter-fried onions for dinner, and low cal ice cream for dessert! Damn! I haven't eaten like this on a week day in ages! Still, this is what is needed for a maintenance of what I burn, and I'm not even sure I am nearly there! This is for an average of 2200 calories per day. It's actually low for the estimate of my calorie burn.

Obviously, when I eat such an amount of food, other things than fat gain happens. I don't believe there was a fat gain at all. However, my body needs to process the food. That takes time. I can't just eat yesterday and expect to go #2 this morning and it's all good. Also, I am sure there will be water retention and other things happening, just like after Indulgence Day. It's the same thing. So I just have to wait and see.

Nimm did adress this in the forum talk. He did warn me that there WILL be fluctuation, and to not panic. I know all about fluctuations, and they are frickin' scary! I hate them. However, I can also understand why they happen.

So I will try my best to just be okay with them.

Both Nimm and the beforementioned blog emphasizes that CONSISTENCY is key in this. I need to dedicate to what I want to do. Give it a few weeks before I toss it to the side, before I panic because I gained weight, before I just move back to my safe zone.

This is DEFINITELY out of my Safe Zone. The thought of gaining weight is terrifying to me. I don't want it. I won't ever want to be 90+ kilos again. Hell, I don't even want to be 80+ again, but I think I'm gonna have to just accept that I'll never be below that more than a moment, if ever.

So 80+ it is. But hopefully not 90+.

There is, of course, another factor. The surgery that I just qualified for. To do this, I NEED to have a super low fat percentage. I can't let myself go, and I can't let myself gain any significant amount of fat.

I will have to watch this like a hawk. Obviously, this is tricky if I want to also follow the other advice.

However, I do think that long-term smart thing is to start working on bulking up muscle. I'm never gonna be the super body builder, and I'm not interested in that. I'm never gonna have a sixpack, and I'm not really interested in that. However, I do want to feel stronger and more fit, and do all the things I never could. That is the goal. I want stamina and strength.

I got the error on my scale again - the error that basically indicates that I am below 5% bodyfat. Now, several people pointed out that 5% bodyfat looks nothing like what I look like. They're obviously right. However, I do see two sides to that.

1. They are right. 5% is ridiculously low. An image on google suggests this:
Looking at those pictures, I'd say that I am between 10% and 15%. That's how I look. My scale is most likely not very correct when it comes to these measurements and can probably not fully be counted on. However, it gives me a good idea about progress.

2. I have loose skin EVERYWHERE! The tuck-in around my waist can't possibly fix everything. No matter what I do, I will NEVER have tight skin that clings to my body like the the 3-7% pictures. It won't happen, unless I have everything tightened up surgically, and I'm not THAT desperate.

So, even if I do look "chubbier" than 5%, I think I am lower than 10. I hope this makes sense.

I no longer feel fat. I feel strong and full of energy - when I eat what Im supposed to. I felt the fatigue when I did the weeks of 600 calories. They sucked. Now that I am back to eating more and better, I feel MUCH better. I know that depriving myself is not a solution at all. Sure, it'll knock off a few pounds - including fat - but it is totally not worth it.

So... I can see I'm babbling. Mind if going into overload mode and I am losing grip on what I'm trying to say. lol.

My point is this - I want to maintain at the super low fatpercentage that my scale suggests. That number is good enough for the surgeons to work with, and it's good enough for me.

This brings me to my strategy:

1. Slowly work my way to a calorie maintenance, or minor surplus. I will rise my intake by 200 calories per day for three weeks, evaluate, then rise again if necessary.

2. Maintain my 600 calorie days.

3. Maintain my Indulgence Day, leave it at 3500 calories. When (if) my daily calorie intake gets very close to Indulgence Day levels, I will eradicate Indulgence Day.

4. I will eat proper food every day. "Bad food days" can only be on Indulgence Day. The rest will have to be "real" food. If I can't reach my RDI, then I need to supply with protein shakes/bars or other.

5. I will allow myself a piece of cake or the like, if I feel in total control of it. I can't buy it myself, we're only talking about "work cake" etc. This has to be the exception to the rule, not a daily thing.

6. Don't Panic!

7. I will back off on the calories a little (after 3 weeks) if I see things going haywire. I will give it proper time to settle first though.


...this is by far the scariest part of my weight loss journey.

Simply being at a calorie deficit is a walk in the park (literally, too!). This is where it gets tough, I feel. Sure, it's nice to be able to "eat what I want", but the mental side of things is fierce.


So today will be a good day!

I will do good. I will enjoy my 2675 calories. I have entered all my foods for today, and I still have over 900 calories to go. The "don't just eat to reach your RDI" no longer applies. I guess I'll have to shop for protein bars/drinks today. lol. It's such a weird feeling to have to do that.

Today I'm thankful for:
- All the input I got from everyone yesterday! Thanks!
- Planning ahead!
- A long, but good day at work.
- Wife helping me SO MUCH working all this out - and taking all my babbling about it with a (slightly overbearing) smile.

Life is good!

188.7 lb Lost so far: 153.0 lb.    Still to go: 1.3 lb.    Diet followed 100%.
on diet kingkeld's own diet   gaining 15.4 lb a week


Now that sounds like a Buff Man with a Plan! You are doing terrific King! :) 
10 Apr 13 by member: moondove
I feel ya. I've been maintaining for a couple of years, somehow I have managed but I haven't completey figured out how to shift the last fat into muscle. I carry a good amount of fat still. I wanted to chime into that thread early, and I too liked that site Nimm suggested. I am so short on fs time nowadays so I couldn't tell if girls could benefit from it lol. (fat boy) you guys do gain muscle differently, or maybe not. Anyway. I am a foody so I try to get away eating as much as I can. I then discovered I could eat more and still maintain. Its definately a struggle. Losing weight was a reward on the scale, it measured me doing something right. Any fluctuation now (maintenance or weightlifting) is scary. Is it good weight? I don't know what I am doing now. (people think i have it figured out lol) I like your don't panic plan. Stressing about numbers, food, lifting, protein shakes always backfires on me. I will try to journal tomorrow to make more sense of it...hang in there. 5% bf does sound low, but here I am feeling fat at 115 and I get funny looks when I mention it. I have put weight on since-I think they convinced me to do it and I let loose during the holidays, (again not sure if its muscle or fat) and still, idk if I like it. So confused.  
11 Apr 13 by member: cindyshine
Its so hard to let go. I have not lost any weight in so long now. BUT I have startet weightlifting about 6 month ago. I eat about 2000-2400kcal a day, maybe more on weekends. I have not bulked out (very difficult for a woman at any given time), but I got a lot of definition now. I have no idea about my fat percentage, I just know its a lot less, as simply the muffin top has disappeared & nothing is haning over the front anymore either. I am slowly converting fat into lean muscle. I still frown at the scales cause I of these days it will shift, but probably only when I stop weight lifting & losing muscle. Hard to grasp but I am getting there slowly :) 
11 Apr 13 by member: schmetterling34
Schmetterling, I know EXACTLY how that feels. I had it like that. Absolutely no weight loss in months. It wasn't until I saw the percentages that I realized that I had done MASSIVE progress. Go get you a smart scale. Stat. :) 
11 Apr 13 by member: kingkeld
I do understand how you all feel with me being a size 2 and still striving for more.. I know I can be more toned and stronger. So that is my ultimate goal right now. too drop a little more "fat" and build more muscle. This month I am trying to shed a few more pounds before going into a long term maintenance and muscle building stage. I can re evaluate my progress in a few months and decide from there. 
11 Apr 13 by member: iamachristianjesusfreak
Also while being smaller I don't not want to be "skinny" fat. I want to be toned. 
11 Apr 13 by member: iamachristianjesusfreak
The thing I see as my biggest challenge, really, is to stay fit and get even more toned, but still qualify for my surgery. That is what gets this more tricky. If I was to "just" accept a kilo or two of fat temporarily, then I would be more comfortable. Still, I know that the surgery won't be until in September the earliest - I have requested for it to be on the other side of summer - so I do have time to experiment, and to risk a small gain, as long as things don't get out of hand.  
11 Apr 13 by member: kingkeld
So much about this journal that I like. Seems like you got some good clarity yesterday! 
11 Apr 13 by member: Bkeller1023
In other news, I feel like I am eating myself in the ground today. I had so much food, I'm stuffed. Not sure I reach my calorie goal today, but I will try.  
11 Apr 13 by member: kingkeld
Do not Panic! I like how you repeat that. It is now my mantra too! lol 
11 Apr 13 by member: jessabridge4444
Nice update, keld. You're going through the exact same process lots of us went through when we found ourselves nice and lean, but ready to start growing the right kind of mass. The fact that you realize it's your own fear of getting fat again that is the obstacle now, makes me think you'll get through it. I was at the same point, and frankly it was stressful and unnerving to see half-pound increases on the scale every day for almost 3 weeks, when I started my first bulk. The temptation to bring it all to a screeching halt was strong, but I didn't .... because very little of that weight was fat. It simply -could not be-, because I was not eating 1800 calorie surpluses every day. And sure enough, eventually the weight gain came to a screeching halt and climbed up only at around 2 pounds per month - even though I was eating more than when I was gaining a half pound per day at first. So on this point, it's important to trust your head and not your heart. And if you do, and stick to your plan despite the fear, you'll be rewarded for it. It's a great feeling to know that even though your body fat is increasing, you're still looking better, feeling better, and getting stronger because the new lean mass is making such a significant difference. Just don't lose your nerve, and you'll be fine! 
11 Apr 13 by member: Nimm
Nimm, I truly appreciate your comment. It's pretty rough on my noggin (and my stomach) to do this. :) 
11 Apr 13 by member: kingkeld
Do not panic... and don't forget your towel. ;op You'll be fine, no, GREAT! Remember, you GOT this... 
11 Apr 13 by member: ZippyDani
Focus on the build and getting strong now. You can do it. Lifting will be a more efficient workout vs walking an hour. You got this! you are done with body fat percent now, unless you go off the grid and fall into your past. It ain't gonna happen!!!! Yippie 
11 Apr 13 by member: Lizzygracemusic
Time + consistent effort towards one goal = success. Loved that bold statement. As a RFG (repeated fat girl) I too tried to out think my body and worried about 'oh, I'm older now, my metabolism is even slower so this will take longer and may not even work at all' and I have found, once again, I was wrong. I'm actually losing 'faster' this time than I did in 2004 and am smaller physically with very minimal effort. I know, I know.. I'm not only a RFG I'm also StillOverweight (SO) - so I'm not acting like I have it all down pat. I know that the first 90 for me was the easier part; getting through the next 30-40 will be the harder part. It will take TIME and consistently eating HEALTHY with increased activity as possible and I'll eventually reach my goal to be physically healthy without backsliding. One day at a time. 
11 Apr 13 by member: FullaBella
I did a fasting day once a week before. I think I may start it again. It decreased my appetite the rest of the week. All I did was drink water and maybe some broth. Loosinisfun - he was on here till a year or two ago remarked in a funny way how it flushed one out pretty quickly if they did a fast. He was older. One young guy named info just disappeared completely after years on here. Anyway, I started the fasts the NIGHT before and went 24 hours for if I did it from early in the day to early in the day I could not sleep, then at like 10 p.m. or so I could eat a good meal before bed after 24 hours of little or no calorie intake. I may try low carb again, but I know exercise is the key to being healthy and eating OK too, so I am not limiting carbs again for now.  
11 Apr 13 by member: GlennM
Wow, there is so much great input in this journal... well, in the comments. GlennM, it's great to see you around! :) 
11 Apr 13 by member: kingkeld
Thanks Lizzy for remarking about weight lifting. I will start out slow. I walk a lot. But I am a member of a gym now and swim there too and even with arthritis I am sure I can do some limited lifting to burn more calories and strengthen my muscles and the bones in my body too.  
11 Apr 13 by member: GlennM
Hi kingkeld, I am back. I was off of here so long --- I moved, which was a real hassle. I am in a better apartment now. I am on here for good. I have gained some weight. I need to lose 30 pounds at least. The more vigilant I was on here and the more often too, was when I lost weight and kept it off. Leaving this site is not a good thing. There are other ones, but this is the first I tried 4 1/2 years ago and it worked. And so I am back. 
11 Apr 13 by member: GlennM
I need to be reminded, OFTEN, about "Do Not Panic." I went on vacation for 5 days and gained 6 pounds. Surely most is water weight. I didn't go that crazy but I did eat carbs- mostly consisting of wonderful homemade bread. So I will refer to your instructions here and I will NOT panic...(She says while hyperventilating on the scale.) 
12 Apr 13 by member: Sherillynn


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