Alnona's Journal, 27 September 2019

He may just be wanting to spend time with you since you have been staying home💕 stay on track and have a beer with him and have him dance with you downstairs instead of dancing alone❤️💃🏻🕺🏻 

His behaviour is not unusual. Spouses often react this way when one of the pair begins to make life changes. I'm no expert but I suggest you do some research on the subject. 🌈🌈🌈 

I think my husband used to sabotage me too. This time around he has not. I think the one difference is my planning. I tell him I am not eating dinner with him on a particular night. If he asks why, I tell him what my eating plans are for the day. His eyes glaze over by the second sentence. :-) I plan my week in advance. What days I eat with him, and what days I am willing to eat out, and what days he is on his own. The second thing I have learned is that if he doesn't like my dinner plans, or lack of dinner plans...well, he will get over it. He no longer sighs if I say I am not hungry. Sometimes, I make him something and sometimes he scrounges for himself. It took me a long time to realize I was enabling him to sabotage me. I used it as an excuse to go off plan, or binge. I tried the conversation route with him too. It made him feel like a dick, and he really did not understand what I was getting at. He would buy me candy to make me happy or take me out because he enjoys me. It is on me to make the right choices during those situations. Does any of that make sense? I hope it did not come out preachy. But I was just thinking about this the other day and all that was my introspection.  

My husband was not happy the last time I lost a bunch of weight. He thought other guys were paying attention and that I was going to leave him. It was awful! We had many disagreements about it. This time I told him it was time. That this was happening. With or without him. I told him this wasn't about him or anyone else. I was tired of being tired and sick. This was about me and my health. Talk to your husband, reassure him, and let him know this is for you. The benefits will help your relationship not hinder it. 

Maybe it was something fun he enjoyed doing with you and you will have to come up with other things as a date. And yes- there may be some insecurity from him, too. It seems to happen quite a bit- like shirfleur said.  

In the first half of this year I followed a very strict regimen, basically 150 straight days with no exceptions. Logged every bite, weighed all food consumed at home, no cheats, minimal eating out (perhaps 10 of those days). This sort of thing imposes some social limitations, especially since so many societal interactions are tied to food in some way. My wife was very supportive and at some point during the process she commented that she really appreciated the efforts I made to account for that. I recognized the limitations early on (they became obvious fairly quickly), so I asked myself what can I do to balance this plan while taking the least amount possible from her. It would be very easy to interpret related actions as sabotage when it could just be resistance to the situation as an indirect result of the changes. I definitely would not want to have brought up the subject of sabotage conversationally unless I was very certain that was the case because the last thing I would ever want to accuse her of is such a thing if it were not the case, hearing that from a loved one, if not true could cut pretty deep. My advice would be to check yourself first, ask yourself what your contributions to the situation might be, what adjustments you can make, and once that is squared away you would be more solid in your thinking. Of course I don't know the specifics of your situation, this is just a general approach I take, mainly self learned from past mistakes where I took the opposite approach only to discover things I hadn't realized then felt terrible afterwards.  

I have had that same problem at times, but I think it is more like he lost his playmate. I have had talks with him about him understanding that my Zumba classes on the weekends are a priority for me and my sanity. Also, when we go out to dinner, I make sure to have healthy choices, or I won't go to the restaurant and ask if we could go to another one with healthy choices. We have a few places that we love and that have what fits my eating plan. When it comes to what you put into your body it is up to you and only you.  

In hindsight, I still believe what I first posted❤️, however, I have never been successful at weight loss prior to here. You know what is different here? My hubby is eating the same as me at home. We used to be eating buddies and enjoy food more than we should.  

Everyone has posted beautiful nuggets of truth for you to think about and see what may apply to your situation. Hopefully it will go positively with him. But, at the end of the day, you have to take charge and care of your health--do not allow anyone to give you "backlash" for that.  

Maybe not intentionally. Past me had a habit of rewarding/comforting myself with food. My husband learned that when I was upset, I would eat and it would make me happy, so when he noticed I was stressed he would buy me treats. It took a while to break my own habit, so it's taking HIM even longer.  

ConiMN....yes!!! Because they are sweet. Same here! Not the average candy bar but king size Cadbury Fruit and nut and king size Symphony bars( toffe🙌😋) I used to also eat just as much as my husband.  

My husband did the same before he started his wl journey. I don’t think they mean to do it. Now that he’s going to the gym and watching kcal he tends to notice things like that more. We now go out maybe twice a month but he still offers me treats at home. A lot of it for us I think is that I’m at 1400-1800 kcal and he’s at 2300-2800. If he has 500 left to eat he doesn’t stop and think about me not having any left. 

I'm all for giving the benefit of the doubt to our spouses unless there's proof of "malicious" (or at least "mischievous") intent. I don't use the "sabotage" word with my husband. In the past, we've *both* encouraged each other's sweet tooth and suggested dining out way too much. Patrick is great about planning and shopping for meals; he'd always done that for himself, and now does it for in our household. I add stuff to his list unless it's something expensive. Like filet mignon: Patrick will buy Aldi "bacon wrapped filet," which is among the worst stuff on the planet. And I buy avocados when I want them. He hates them and doesn't care to learn how to buy them. More generally, though, he now asks me, "Eating or fasting today?" and makes no comments about it at all.  

Mira, sounds like you are getting him trained. No more praline pecans or other not-good goodies! 

if he limes to buy or bring you something when he sees you are stressed, perhaps you could have a conversation about that and suggest non-food alternatives like flowers from the grocery store instead of chocolate.  

*likes, not limes  

I wouldnt even worry about the sabotage. Just don't fall into unhealthy trends. My fiance is the same way. Dhe wants to eat chips and dips on my new couch and its just like, no way Jose! I dont eat the junk anymore. I just think that no matter how many times I tell her how unhealthy she eats, she chooses to remain unaware or just doesnt want to be healthy with me. It sucks but what can you do, right?! I jist prepare my own healthy portions of food now because she wont learn to enjoy a healthy lifestyle. Life goes on. 

If he is then just ignore it and DENY. Your weight loss is the most important thing in the world and your health is something nobody can take from you! Deal with his backlash and stay confident in your choices. Keep up the good work! 

Yes, gz9gjg, Patrick is adjusting well to his new regimen, and I'm learning to redirect my attention away from his eating and snacking. Progress! 

Flowers! Great idea! I love when my husband is out in the garden and brings me something he's grown.