jsfantome's Journal, 31 December 2012

One of the best parts of using this website, (for me)- is the ability to journal. Just completed my weigh in ... and I am speechless. But I knew it was in this neck of the woods. Yesterday, I had to waste money and go out and buy 1 Large and 2 XL pairs of workout pants...as everything I currently own is a medium. (THAT was not fun.) But no tears, and no whining... just literally pulled up my big girl panties and recommitted my focus.

I made some mistakes. And I've had some darn good reasons. But then - who doesn't? And I have figured out I can fix those mistakes. I don't have to just spiral all the way back to where I came from. Nope. This will be a year for the record books...because this year:

I will make lasting changes...that work for me, for my body, for my real way of living.

I will reach out for help when (or if) I become totally overwhelmed.

I will treat my body and my lifestyle with the utmost respect.

And I will live my life - and not give two hoots in @$%& - what anyone else thinks about 'me'.

The biggest reason that is important, is because I am a good person. A loyal and faithful wife, a loving and supportive mother... a trusted and dear friend. You either like me for 'me'... or you don't... but my jeans size has absolutely nothing to do with it.

So if I could, I would reset my 'goal weight' to be blank. Cause I don't know exactly what that is yet. But this site doesn't allow for that. However, my brain does!!! I know a lot of people who would think that is ridiculous. "Not have a set and particular goal"... crazy!


It's freedom. And I have already decided that the 'gains' will end...and the 'losses' will again commence. So, where I go from here, will be determined by what I want for myself. How I feel on the inside. How comfortable I am in my own skin. And that part of the process will start right along with the weight loss... not waiting to work on 'me' until I get to some arbitrary goal weight.

I am excited!!! Not that I am happy about the weight gain... but I am prepared to move forward. And that is always the best feeling. To get the 'mental' attitude working in synergy with the physical... YEAH!!!

To a New YEAR!!! - I welcome the NEW ME!!!
Happy New Year!
Much Love
168.0 lb Lost so far: 0 lb.    Still to go: 28.0 lb.    Diet followed poorly.

Diet Calendar Entry for 31 December 2012:
826 kcal Fat: 45.83g | Prot: 77.43g | Carb: 21.13g.   Breakfast: water (6-10 AM), hidden carbs, coffee (8oz) black, eggland's best eggs , broccoli, butter, parmesan cheese. Lunch: cheddar cheese stick, celery . Dinner: pot roast, yellow squash, onion, sour cream. Snacks/Other: port wine cheese, celery. more...
on diet jsfantome's own diet   gaining 0.9 lb a week


You have taken the first step, by weighing in, to a positive, healthy future. Go for it girl, you have done it before and you can do it again.... But this time, you will be more aware of the pitfalls of " falling of the wagon". :-) 
31 Dec 12 by member: Sk1nnyfuture
Proud of you for coming back..I have missed you...You can do this girl..But this time only do it for YOU..no one else matters...I'm sure you'll be back to where you are comfortable with your own self in no time..Hugs..my friend...:O) 
31 Dec 12 by member: BHA
Love this journal - you have actually put into words the very thoughts rattling around in my head. We must treat ourselves well and that means 'sanely' - giving our mind, body and soul exactly what they need everyday. Anyone who measures you by a 'number' isn't worth your time.  
31 Dec 12 by member: FullaBella
Oh - there is nothing worse than having to go back and buy bigger sizes. Been there - done that. You have my sympathy.  
31 Dec 12 by member: BuffyBear
Re-committing to taking care of you is a good thing. This site is wonderful for keeping you on track as you work toward your goals and you will be casting aside those XL workout pants in no time! 
31 Dec 12 by member: RiverRes
Paula - way to go . I feel your pain about buying larger clothes. Lucky me I did not throw out everything but enough. It hurts and my determination grows.//As for the goal, I hear you. I have a number sitting there as well but it is just a number. Main thing is how I feel. That will be my guideline. I know I don't feel right now, I have to make changes, want to make changes, am making changes - change. Uhuh, something I did that is a strong indication that something is happening, I had my hair cut short, really, really short. Once I get to that point I know whatever I change will work.  
31 Dec 12 by member: Jozette99
Paula, I wish there was a "no goal" option too! A goal weight just doesn't quite fit where I am right now either. Sorry you had to go out and get different clothes, but having to do that may turn out to be motivating....who knows. Just really, really happy to have your voice back here on site! 
31 Dec 12 by member: Sandy701
Great journal and so true. People ask what my goal is and I just say I don't know...I will know when I am there. So I will reset my goal weight in 5# increments and eventually I will decide that I have made it. 
31 Dec 12 by member: jaime30024
Paula, this is an outstanding journal; one that I'm sure speaks to many of us on a multitude of levels. For me, I like what you said when you said people like you regardless of size. I too enjoy this site, our community and the wonderful people in it nearly every day and it has been a blessing in my life. I thought it was interesting that you would like to start over on your weight calculation here on FS, because I feel exactly the same. My husband helped me to realize that the size I was shooting for was not going to be a healthy one, so I've listened and have changed my mind in a good way about the ultimate weight goal. Like you, I don't actually know what it is, but I will when I get there! Blessings to you and yours and thanks for your lovely journal! Deb  
31 Dec 12 by member: philanddeb
It's the first chance I have had to get back here today! Thanks for all the lovely comments and input! You guys are AWESOME! Today was a good day - did some re-vamping in my kitchen and included a restock of the basics for my low carb lifestyle. Came home and started dinner - (crockpot) - then off to the gym for a short walk w/ hill intervals on the treadmill at the gym. All things JOY in my life can stay...all things NOT JOY... sorry... you gotta go! Love to you all...Happy New Year! 
31 Dec 12 by member: jsfantome
Thanks for sharing. I've regressed too this past six months and it is a frightful thing to see my weight going up and it feels like nothing I am trying is working. I do not want to go to where I came from. It is not about the number but about how I feel, and I don't feel good right now. For me, I realize this struggle will be life long, but thankfully I only have to do it one minute at a time. Back to low carb. Blessings on your journey.....we all need them!  
01 Jan 13 by member: F8thful1
Hey Faith - so glad you are still here, and still trying. It will make all the difference. Blessings to you too my friend!!! Happy New Year! 
01 Jan 13 by member: jsfantome
Paula, love your positive attitude in this entry, all the affirmations you iterated need to be on a continuous loop in my head!  
01 Jan 13 by member: lbsgoner
lbsgoner - just sent you a buddy request! They need to be on a continuous loop in my head too!!! I am nothing if not determined! 
01 Jan 13 by member: jsfantome
I was so happy to see you back! Happy New Year Paula! 
01 Jan 13 by member: gg-girl
Hey GG - so glad to see you too! Just posted a new journal...HAPPY NEW YEAR to you!!! 
01 Jan 13 by member: jsfantome


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