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😡 😡 😡😡😡😡
Enough said. Well actually not. This number doesn’t truly matter but it takes away my excitement from yesterday. I don’t regret my late night snack or my high calorie, full of sodium and sugar dinner either. I’m good with under 125, when younger I felt my best about 122 so I’m there. Under 120 is better though lol. That little bit of wiggle room so if I hold a bunch of water then my overthinking brain won’t get the best of me 😉.
Supposed to have severe storms today. Elementary has two reinforced hallways so my middle can get to a safe place. The youngest has to leave her building and get to those hallways by way of a big parking lot. Teachers have assured us in the past that they’d stay in the big building in the auditorium. While I know they need to pack up I sure do hope they stay in the big building. 60 rambunctious 4-5 yr olds would be hard to handle for the 3 teachers, 3 aides and 1 helper, but they have a gym floor, lots of toys, an inclosed outdoor playground right next door (maybe 20 ft from door to door) and it’s probably another 75 ft or so to the safe hallway. Much better than crossing the parking lot, getting to and through the auditorium and then all that I listed.
My oldest doesn’t have a safe place. You know how bad I wanted to keep her home? But how could I keep her home without the others? My middle has a big science day today that she didn’t want to miss. We have a shelter maybe 30 ft from my back door. Closer than the hallway for the middle I think. My oldest is 5 miles away on rural roads so if they mention the “T” word I’m probably making a trip to her school. To top it off, hubby has to travel today. 8 hours through all the storms. 8 hours through the enhanced risk area.
A friend is moving from Oklahoma at the end of the month. The weather is half of her decision (wind, allergies, tornadoes etc). I can’t say that I blame her now. I’ve never had every single family member (hubs and kids) split up on a day that has a very high risk of severe storms with high winds, blowing rain, large hail (I can handle those, who cares about the crops when the kids could be hurt or..) and a high risk of tornadoes that could wipe us all out.
I’ll do my best to avoid FS today just because my anxiety and stress are already high with the storm watch(hell its just a watch at this point and could fizzle before it gets here) and I don’t want to bring anyone down. Told hubby what I’d do and now avoiding him. Gonna be a depression day too. And this is why they say I have mixed episodes... already feeling down yet have the anxiety, mind racing etc from the ups. God and I will do a LOT of talking today. He took my mom so he will play mom even if He’s silent. If he were here in person I’d get a couple spankings today because my mouth will get the rest of me. Perhaps I’ll pace and burn some calories. Or I’ll sit here and eat. At this point I’m good with either lol.
Thinking I should bring the mama and outside kittens in. BUT if a bad storm comes they probably have a better chance than if the house falls down on them. I wouldn’t have time to grab pills, radio, our inside cats and the outside animals. One day when I’m rich and famous I’ll have a huge underground shelter with a ramp and pens for animals. And a nice thick wall and metal door I can shut to keep us safe from horses hooves if need be 😉. Hmmm maybe I could keep my hands busy designing that.
Anywho, I’m gonna find food and start the pacing over sitting here shaking. Stupid adrenaline! Geez I hate adrenaline and anxiety! Dr said 30 was the highest dose of meds for my size and I’m on half that (just over the lowest dose) so perhaps I could call and ask to raise the med amount today? Ok rambling here so anyone in the path of storms or with any risk plz be safe. Have a good SAFE Monday all!
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121.4 lb
Lost so far: 39.2 lb.
Still to go: 0 lb.
Diet followed reasonably well.
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Diet Calendar Entries for 20 May 2019:
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1681 kcal
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Fat: 76.58g | Prot: 84.89g | Carb: 179.32g.
Breakfast: Dry Roasted Almonds, Jack Link's Original Beef Jerky (50 Calorie Pack), Folgers Breakfast Blend Coffee with 3 Splenda, Rice Krispies Treats (22g). Lunch: Oscar Mayer Honey Ham, Lay's Wavy Original Potato Chips, Sara Lee Delightful Healthy Multi-Grain Bread, Kraft 2% Milk American Cheese Singles. Dinner: Honey Ham, 2% Milk American Cheese Singles, Light Multi-Grain English Muffin, Egg. Snacks/Other: Snickers Almond Bar, Dry Roasted Almonds, Fit Crunch Cinnamon Twist Baked Gluten Free. more...
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gaining 14.0 lb a week
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 Comments
I know when I'm anxious advice is the last thing I need but here's some anyway. Get a 'go' bag ready with Rx's, cr cards, phone, all the insurance info on a doc stored in the phone, etc. Even toss in a change of clothes so that if you do have to 'go' you're ready and not 'as' panicked. I just offer that because I used to fight anxiety over things a lot and I manage it by having a plan.
20 May 19 by member: FullaBella
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Yeah, that Moses, he was a planner....
20 May 19 by member: FullaBella
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Good luck Peeper. Praying for ya.
20 May 19 by member: LZenn
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Noah lol. Already ahead of ya. Have meds, wallet with card and ins cards in my purse along with prescription sunglasses and Advil. Have a bag with 2 bottles of water, 2 blankets, several little books and activities for the kids etc. Have pics of the SS cards. Real cards, birth certificates etc are locked in a fire/water proof gun safe. Finding the stuff in that huge safe will be challenging as all our important papers are crammed in it. The shelter should still have a case of water, flashlights and a box with blankets and pillows. We have folding chairs down there too. 2 windup lanterns are sitting by the back door and the weather radio is next to me running on batteries. My phone doesn’t get farther than arms reach. I’m prepared but without my kids here and hubby on the road the worry won’t go away. Hubby called to tell me it’s raining hard where he was but that’s it. When I told him I’m tempted to go check them out at noon he agreed that maybe I should. They say the really bad stuff with possible tornadoes will hit between 1-9pm. Debating on taking a quick nap. It may be a long night and if everything is fine tomorrow I have an awards program, a beach party, a volleyball game, skating and a picnic to attend all between 8-3pm lol. Working out a schedule for those things is a bit stressful but way less than worrying over the storm. My depression makes me morbid so I go to worst case scenarios. I’ve located my work gloves and they are by the door if I have to go dig anyone out. Told ya I get morbid lol. Lost too many people to not think of worst case scenarios
20 May 19 by member: peeperjj
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Thanks guys. As for advice, it’s always welcome! Just so anyone giving it knows I may not take the advice ;).
Oh yeah... pretty sure we still have a bucket in the shelter too. I begged for a fishing toilet but hubby said no and the guys who installed the shelter said the pipes and such would compromise the integrity of the shelter. Oh and there used to be a ton of canned goods down there and a can opener. We are preppers I tell ya lol. Hubby threw a lot out because he forgot to rotate and some started leaking. When the rain lets up I may go dig through to make sure it’s prepared.
20 May 19 by member: peeperjj
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20 May 19 by member: peeperjj
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Oh noo, the bad weather scared me, but try to be relax, your kids will be ok, perhaps taking a nap will help.💕🙏
The things here are not really good. 😐
20 May 19 by member: Keilin_4
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LOL - now half of FS thinks I'm a heathen and don't know my bible stories... haha. Only the half that get's me knows I was making a joke. You DO sound prepared. Very well done.
20 May 19 by member: FullaBella
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I assumed you both were joking around 😉.
20 May 19 by member: peeperjj
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Got a 15 minute nap. Kids came home and we had a tornado warning but it was far away from us (30min). Oldest and I went ahead and took things down to the storm shelter and moved things around a bit so we can all run, chink animals in and go down ourselves without tripping over the water or boxes. He took out my toilet/bucket!! No more water for me for awhile lol. Don’t want to slosh through several inches of water to try and find one in the machine shed.
20 May 19 by member: peeperjj
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I hope everything is safe and sound after the storms pass. I keep being asked to be a lighthouse for others, when privately I'm screaming on the inside "where's mine?", so I understand your up's and downs better than you think. I learned a few things I should ask my oncologist at Saturday symposium, but the biggest thing I came away with was to stop apologizing for being exhausted. Stop apologizing for being sick. Basically just STOP APOLOGIZING for still being alive, but not all that I was before Cancer. So if there's anything I can share with you, it's that. Hugs my friend, and keep on striving to do your best, because that's all any of us can be expected to do.
20 May 19 by member: jeannieselby
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Stay safe Peeper. Glad the kids are with you.
20 May 19 by member: Becc@
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My. I just saw this. Everything has settled pepper? Makes snowstorms sound easy! Yikes!!!
20 May 19 by member: wifey9707
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At least with earthquakes you never know it’s coming and over in about 10 seconds— for better or worse. The wait would make anyone anxious. Your not alone Peeper— hang in there.
20 May 19 by member: Kenna Morton
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Thanks Jeannie! I don’t apologize much. This is the new me and if someone doesn’t like it they know where the door is lol. The kids have to wait a few years to use the door though 😉. Cancer, treatment and early menopause threw me from major depressive disorder to mixed episode bipolar disorder. Bipolar and menopause have the same symptoms so we are trying meds to make sure it’s bipolar. Can’t take any hormones so just gotta deal with menopause at 38 lol. Started at 35. I’m in counseling which helps me stay level most of the time. Things like this that I can’t control sets off the anxiety which leads to hot flashes which leads to outbursts. I’ve been able to stop it at the beginning of a hot flash today 😁. A good cold rain is good for that lol.
20 May 19 by member: peeperjj
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We get earthquakes too now! Not that bad though. Think they usually range from 2-5. 4.4 just last week. If I didn’t have kids tornadoes wouldn’t bother me. It’s the fear of losing them that causes me issues lol. And fear of losing hubby but he made it to his meeting without incident and let me know as soon as he got there. I can also watch him on the find friends map so knew he was safe because his phone was moving at a rapid pace on major highways lol.
20 May 19 by member: peeperjj
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So far so good. I’ll see about posting a flood pic later. Most of our yard and pasture is underwater but the driveway is mostly clear and our front door is a good 2’ above the ground so it won’t get inside. A few tornado warnings but the tornadoes were at the corner of the county and I’m in the middle. Tornado hit the town some family live in and waiting to hear from them. They said no fatalities so far and one injury from that one. Just lots of rain and I mean LOTS of rain here so far. Gonna cook dinner and hopefully they take off the watches and warnings so I can sleep some tonight. My 3h51m from last night and my 15 min nap isn’t sticking with me.
20 May 19 by member: peeperjj
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Umm on the front side of my house lol. Between it and the ground we have a porch and steps. 😉 I’ve have a crawl space and the house is on a hill so one end is 18” above ground level and the other is about 6’ from ground level. Zillow says we have a partial basement lol. It’s blocks for the sides but dirt ‘floor’ and wood ‘ceiling’. Plus I’d love to see anyone use it as a basement because you can only stand up about 1/4 of the way in. Plus it has a 2’x2’ door lol.
20 May 19 by member: peeperjj
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🤦♀️ Lol oops! But the answer is still the same lol. They can leave at any time. However if you were looking for the door for yourself then 😳😤😡🤪
20 May 19 by member: peeperjj
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It is hard to just stay st9ill and not worry when the weather is so bad.
24 May 19 by member: madfoxmade
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