|
Not trying to lose weight. Am more or less on maintenance right now. I'm low enough and have so much going on. My sister-in-law has had no food or water in 5 or 6 days, so death is near.
We ordered 17 pink Simplicity hedge roses, before they run out, to match the rest of the border, out along the sidewalk. There is no fence, but they're planted every 18" across the front, and part way down one side of our yard to where the house starts. We just have a standard size city lot in Los Angeles, maybe 60' across, I'm not sure, but on a corner. This rose bed along the sidewalk is about 20" wide. My husband was spraying "Round Up" on shoots of roots from a Crepe Myrtle tree and killed these plus others are on their way out. I think originally there was maybe 60 or 70 bushes to make the border. Think split rail fence with roses. I couldn't get the fence so just faked it with the roses on their own.
That sounds very close placement but our soil is very bad, and my husband won't let me amend it properly, so they have made a "good enough" small but charming border, especially in the spring. It's a constant fight with tree roots, and water in our hot valley. As a matter of fact my husband says I use too much water, so for several months I usually just took one shower a week, and used wet wipes in between. There was no drought 25 years ago, when we put the rose border in. Now he tells me I should take two showers a week. Woo hoo! Lucky me. Things are looking up.
Now we have the problem of planting them. He is 83 and his back started bothering him from pulling weeds, as soon as we ordered them, and now he really regrets the purchase. I don't regret it, because he ruined half of it, and it looks so sad. I think the flowers give me more pleasure than anything here. Once we have them, they'll get in one way or another. But I am 77 and was born with fractures in L5 that never healed, plus I broke T11 five years ago, and have 3 bulging disks. We planned to get a day worker down at Home Depot to dig stumps, tree roots, and mix in some mulch. The next door neighbor had a laborer working yesterday, so we asked him to come to our house today, and he agreed. Wouldn't you know, the neighbor kept him working today also, so we just did prep work. He got fed up with him, so the guy came on over to our house at 11:30am, but said he was going to go have lunch before working. He never came back.
While waiting, a young couple in the neighborhood were driving by and saw my husband sitting on the railroad ties behind the roses, breathing hard and stopped to help him. They did stick around a couple of hours to earn some money helping, instead of pan handling at the local liquor store, but he wasn't much help. He didn't really dig any roots out or mix mulch in, just mostly stirred the surface a little. Anyway we got 4 roses in today, and he will be back in the morning. This is going very slow. The section for today was 14.5' and we want 8 bushes to fit evenly.
We dug, put amendments in, and measured repeatedly for every hole with it's mound, after skipping several inches for a drainage pipe running from the back yard. Of course, the 4 or 5 inch pipe is broken but my husband just taped it. I saw it was full of dirt even though we had tried to wash it out a couple of days ago. I wonder if that will come back to bite us, or me if I am the one to take care of things eventually. We had someone come service our water softener yesterday after 5 years. I observed how to use it, what level to keep the salt and water in the tank, in case I have to be responsible to take care of it myself eventually.
Probably we can do more tomorrow. I sit on the ground and dig weeds or try to help him as I can. The bare-root roses should not soak in water more than 3 days but maybe we can put them back and forth between plastic and water. We aren't very efficient. But playing house, especially with roses is a blessing. The purple Chinese wisteria is fully in bloom on the arbor on one side of the house, and smells heavenly. The white “Longissima Alba Japanese wisteria floribunda” (very long) is coming in bloom on the arbor on the other side of the house. My husband is playing with some Hollyhock seedlings, but the squirrels ate half of them. God sure makes wonderful things.
Eating window 7 hours.
|
108.5 lb
Lost so far: 10.3 lb.
Still to go: 0 lb.
Diet followed reasonably well.
|
Diet Calendar Entry for 12 April 2019:
|
1135 kcal
|
Fat: 54.34g | Prot: 44.28g | Carb: 64.28g.
Breakfast: Coffee. Lunch: Celebrity Healthy Black Forest Smoked Ham, Kirkland Signature Organic Coconut Oil, Egg, Cabbage. Dinner: Whipping Cream, Cheesecake Factory Shrimp Scampi, Tyson Foods Boneless Skinless Chicken Breasts, Trader Joe's Chunky Blue Cheese Dressing & Dip, Fresh Express Spring Mix. more...
|
steady weight
|
 Comments
ONE shower a week?? What kind of husband demands that from his wife? I’m sorry but that sounds like bondage. I will pray your personal life improves!!!!! ❤️
18 Apr 19 by member: wifey9707
|
@wifey9707 I'm sorry, for the way I put the story. I didn't say he demanded that I only take one shower a week. He said I use too much water. I did say “my husband won't let me amend it (our soil) properly. That's true. I'm sure he meant I use too much water in the yard, and our Water and Power bill “is” horrendous for us since he has been retired for 21 years. I really do appreciate your prayers. I need prayer for my attitude. I love it that you say you will pray that my personal life improves. Please pray that I improve also. In fact, as much as I try to forgive and be a sweet person, I am impatient, defensive, and resentful often. When he said I should take 2 showers a week, it was when I threw it up to him again, that I was only taking 1 shower a week to save water since he told me I was using too much. I get upset when he lets the water run when he is brushing his teeth, washing his face, sometimes shaving, a lot of the time. As a matter of fact several times I have reached over and turned the faucet off, and he really get mad at me then, and turns it right back on, even though not using it at the moment. I have one girlfriend, plus my son in law, that takes their shower/bath/rain water, and dumps it in the toilet to flush, to save water. My husband “demands”, there is that word again, that I flush every little time I tinkle. I have had bladder problems. Since I go often I would rather not flush every single time, for just a few drops. He does get very mad at me.
Because of his age, this last fall he was suffering in the hot weather more than in the past. Our Water and Power bill comes every other month, and includes sewer and trash pickup, but it was $1,630.00 for two months. The next bill for 2 months was $1,660.00. It may have included him forgetting to turn a sprinkler off and letting it run all night. If it was me, I would probably do some “alternative” things. I do not use the dishwasher, and I do not let the water run more than necessary. Because he just lets it run, I resent it, since I try so hard so save water to not antagonize him, and him getting mad at me. It's true, he does hassle me a lot, and gets mad at me a lot. Unfortunately with my abuse background, I am too co-dependent and take it very hard when he not only gets mad at me, but says bad things about my intentions in life and towards him. He does have memory loss. He was always the absent minded professor type, but at 83, many years of sleep apnea and major surgeries, his memory has been affected. I'm not sure he is any worse to me now. We seem to go in and out of times of conflict. Sometimes, it does seem intolerable, other times are fine and loving. I have many problems myself and I know I am hard to live with, and am devoted to him; 57 years ago I promised for better or worse. I need to be stronger and not so sensitive, and not so co-dependent. Not so resentful. Thank you for your prayers.
Some people tell me I should be in therapy. Sorry, but I was in therapy, and it is very expensive. I'm not sure it helped, beyond learning some about myself, and how my brain works. I love the Lord, but I do worry, if I think about it much, that it says somewhere in the Bible, that if we don't forgive others, the Lord won't forgive us. I do try to forgive fully, I pray to do it, and I do believe the Lord helps me to forgive. But because my temper is on a short fuse, I don't think I forgive “good enough”. Some times I think I shouldn't share so much about my life on this site. I don't do Facebook, and want to remain autonomous. No name, no picture. I can't share all the piddley little things he does with the few casual friends I have. How could I tell them he throws my things in the trash, or he told me he could cut my legs off. My humanness wants to seal my heart away from him. But God doesn't want me to. My husband is not born again. I want him to go to heaven. The Lord wants me to have as much relationship with my husband as either one of us is capable of.
Some people on here are embarrassed about their weight. I have lots of things to be embarrassed about, just not what shows on the scale. When I weighed 118 my husband said my stomach was fat. At 112, he said I was letting myself “go”, and I should be doing sit ups to get rid of my rolls of fat around my middle. I can't with my back. Twice since, at 108 he told me he was right about letting myself go. If I let my imagination go, I could go to an unhealthy place, and just keep loosing weight till all fat is gone, then I wouldn't have any fat rolls to “offend” him. But I won't do that. I just keep telling myself that at 77 years old, I'm not “that” bad. Although @Rosie19 says I am “skinnyfat”. It took me a while to understand that, but I see she is right. I'm sorry my sin (resentment) misled you about my husband demanding I only take one shower a week. Really, he wouldn't stop me. It was my martyr thinking. I was cutting off my nose to spite my face. Because it has been 7 days since I wrote this journal you responded to, I am going to send you a private message that I left an apology here for you. Wow, because you are not sharing what you are doing on FS there is no place to send you a private message.
19 Apr 19 by member: Snowwhite100
|
This breaks my heart. Sounds so similar to someone in my family and what they go through with their husband. Don’t blame yourself completely, please. Don’t let him brainwash you. This type of environment is not healthy on body or mind. Every marriage involves two and none of us are perfect or should expect ourselves or anyone else to be. I will ramp up my prayers for you. I will definitely pray your husband gets truly saved and delivered. And please, you have nothing to apologize to me about. I was just so touched by the showering issue, it struck a cord, I’m blessed and shower twice a day, after morning workout and again before bed. Please don’t be so down on yourself. Trust God for better days ahead. We all need Gim. God bless you. I feel you are a very delicate wounded soul. And that hurts me. Women can feel so condemned by men and it truly hurts me deeply as I see it too often. Thinking of you snow while!❤️❤️❤️❤️
19 Apr 19 by member: wifey9707
|
So sorry...*Him and snowwhite not snowwhile lol
19 Apr 19 by member: wifey9707
|
@wifey9707 Thank you. I also like snowwhile, and almost wish you could see my post how that name came about from my adolescent daughter calling me dumb because I scored Snowwhite, on a Cosmpolitan Magazine questionaire about how much I knew about sex. I wouldn't answer truthfully to a 13 year old. Also I have said in response to someone calling me Snowy, how much I liked it, and then gave some descriptions of similar things, like clouded brain, foggy brain, etc.
19 Apr 19 by member: Snowwhite100
|
I would answer my daughter on that either!! Awwww Snowy sounds so loving. I like wifey too, that’s what I chose, my hubby calls me that sometimes. LOL I hope you are doing ok. I’ve been thinking of you all day and am glad you replied to me. Worlds apart, yet close at heart!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
19 Apr 19 by member: wifey9707
|
| |
|
|
| |
Submit a Comment
You must sign in to submit a comment
|
|
|
Other Related Links
Members
|
Snowwhite100's weight history
|