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Sigh, I have no idea why I've gone up half a kg! The only thing I can think of was the fact that I ate out for the first time yesterday. I had some (very expensive!) grilled rawas fillet with Induction-allowed veggies. I was VERY specific about there being no sugar in the sauce and had my mum taste it to check. I guess I shouldn't've had that sauce...but it'd been SO LONG since I'd eaten something remotely tasty that I decided to just take the risk. This was literally the ONLY THING I've eaten out since I've started this time around. I'd really been feeling like I was losing my mind because of the limited food options at home. There's only so much egg and cauliflower that one can have, day in and day out. I've been feeling really sick when it comes to chicken and such. The only non veg I can handle is bacon in the morning with my eggs (which is really the highlight, to be honest). I know that this awful taste in my mouth is a sign that all is going well but it's really been putting me off my food. I try to be as strict as I can to avoid skipping meals but sometimes I just don't feel like eating anything that has been made.
I know the solution is to start cooking myself but with exams around the corner and my crazy final projects, I haven't really had the time or inclination to start learning to cook. I don't mind making myself anything microwavable though, I was quite the flax MIM expert last time around, experimenting with variations and such (a first for me!) but there are a lot of basic ingredients missing for me to make Atkins-friendly snacks. I need to stock up on basics like Splenda and heavy cream and the like.
I've also been really stressed after reading up on artificial sweeteners. I would love to make a lot of the desserts I keep seeing while browsing recipes (since I feel I can handle them myself) and apart from the lack of easy availability of most in my country (there's literally ONE place I know of, which sells granulated Splenda), as far as I can make out, the safest option is Stevia. I don't know if this is really true or I've read all the wrong articles. However, if it IS, I HAVE to find a place that sells Stevia. Which I don't expect will be too easy. Failing that, I guess I'll have to depend on Splenda. Since using liquid Splenda lowers the carb count significantly, I would ideally like to buy that too (IF I FIND IT!). However, as per the last time I was on Atkins (over a year and a half ago), Splenda didn't have its own 'liquid' version and I had to look for other liquid artificial sweeteners and the one I found left a foul aftertaste.
SO I'd really like to know which liquid artificial sweeteners people have used successfully (not that there's any guarantee that I'll find them here).
Finally, I can't help noticing the fact that I'm losing much slower than last time, which really is a depressing thought considering I'm 21 but I guess I've messed up my system by losing 40 pounds on Atkins when I was 19 and then gaining it all (and more) back. Also, I've been calculating how long it will realistically take me to reach my goal, considering my present rate and the increasingly slower pace of loss...and it will take at LEAST till Christmas. (Possibly longer but I don't want to think about that right now, far too demotivating.) There are 2 issues with that. The boy I'm with is leaving for good, either in early December or in January and that means I'm going to have to be THIS strict on this diet all the way till/through his last few months here. That means no going to our favourite restaurants, eating our favourite meals, spontaneous drinking plans, NONE of it. Being on Atkins has really helped me achieve some emotional clarity about this already upsetting situation (I'd been having a really hard time dealing with this, in addition to all the weight I'd gained and had been having mood swings and crying a lot, I feel more in control now) but I don't want to in ANY way fail to fulfill anything we want to do together.
The second thing that's upsetting about how long I feel like this'll take is the fact that I have to make TWO trips: one in November and one in December. These are unavoidable and there will be no way to stick to the diet during this time. That just means further slowing down my loss. (Not to mention the incredibly upsetting fact that I'll have to spend time away from the boy in these last few months.)
I'm trying not to think about it. I guess all I can do is focus on speeding up my weight loss. I know that I'm not eating as regularly/as much as I should and that often helps speed things up. Also, I'm not exercising. Which won't be so easy considering the exams and the trip right after but I have to! I suppose I should start asap.
I don't cheat at all on the diet. When I'm on, I try my best to stay on 100% or I totally get thrown off my game. It takes a lot out of me to get started again, so when I've got in the groove, it's very upsetting to have to stop because of external reasons. SIGH. Just venting.
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166.4 lb
Lost so far: 1.1 lb.
Still to go: 23.1 lb.
Diet followed 100%.
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gaining 7.7 lb a week
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