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My sister invited me to meet her about an hour away, to go to lunch and to a museum with her and her very nice friend. She said her friend especially wanted to see a painting at a temporary exhibit plus she wanted to get me out of the house, but I'm not feeling the need to get out, that is not an issue for me. To be nice, I invited my husband, because he has gone several times when her senior group went to various places on field trips. He declined because he has trouble walking and just doesn't want to bother (especially with her). I had taken friends to occasions at her church before, so I invited someone else because this gal had gone to my sister's group outing before, and said that whenever I go somewhere, she would love to go since she is rather stuck at home. Obviously this was not a time for an intimate conversation with my sister because she and her friend were going together. We always pay for our selves.
I thought #1: my sister was taking a friend so figured I could too. #2: I already told my sister I would be staying at the museum longer than they could, so I thought it would be nice to have company there. #3: this friend of mine had already been with my sister and her friend before. #4: if my sister was concerned with my mental/emotional well being, wouldn't it be nice to have someone to be with me, developing relationship on the hour drive there and hour back #5: I like taking a friend to ride along, so I don't get sleepy especially on the way home, which I have trouble with, as my sister well knows.
I am not close to my sister, only see her about once a year, and don't really care for her very much. She is negative, loud, rude, and demanding. But her health is failing, and she is using a walker some, a wheel chair some, on some oxygen, is a very serious diabetic with heart and breathing problems, and I fear I will lose her soon. When she called the next time, I told her I invited my husband, and she said loud and stridently: “HE WAS NOT INVITED”. I just softly continued that I asked my friend (that she knew), and again she loudly and strongly said: “SHE WAS NOT INVITED”. She said she would see her friend the next night and speak to her about it. I left it alone, and assumed she would call me after she spoke with her friend, and let me know if my friend was welcome, or needed to be uninvited (which I wouldn't do). She did not call back for 8 days, the night before we were going, to let me know if she wanted me to uninvite my friend. That was so rude, who would wait 8 days and then let someone know the night before they aren't welcome (my sister).
When she finally called the night before the outing, she started talking about the weather, and did not address the issue. I said the weather might not be good for her, which she picked up on immediately. She asked “You aren't going?” My humanness raised it ugly head, and I told her “No, you didn't call back in 8 days, so my friend and I have made other plans.” She threw recriminations at me, asking why I didn't call her and that I had not called her in three months since she got out of the hospital, then hung up on me. Maybe I should have called her, but what would I have asked? “Do you want me to uninvite my friend?” That time 3 months ago I spent the whole day driving 2 hours each way and picking her up at a nursing home, taking her to the DMV, waiting for 4 hours, taking her to her house, getting her take-out, then back to the nursing home, and another 2 hour drive home, for about a 10 hour day of helping her.
I did not intend to tell her the truth since it would not help. At 81, she isn't going to change, is a choleric personality, and has never apologized for anything, and seems incapable of remorse or repentance. I do not want to cut off relationship with her, and don't want to have guilt over my actions after she is gone. I should have just told her I wasn't going to go. I was praying every time the phone rang. Yes, I could have called her, but maybe didn't really want to know if she thought she would “allow” my friend to go, or if I “should” uninvite her to be “nice” to my sister. The whole thing was distasteful.
No, no, no.... I didn't keep my big mouth shut. My humanness raised it's ugly head, and I just did not stop myself from telling the truth. I have not called her back yet: she will punish me. How do I call without groveling. Not mentioning it, isn't doable with her, because her style is recriminations.
Before now you are wondering why I am so co-dependent: because I am. Why do I care so much? Either I don't want to feel guilty when she dies, or I want her best. It has been so calm and quiet not hearing from her. She does ask me to spend hours doing research for her on my computer, since she isn't really able to get on the internet, or get around on it.
If you say, screw her. No, I won't. Just because she is rude, does not give me license to also be rude. The Bible says not to hold yourself away from your family. I also saw in Proverbs the other night to not be around angry people. Also in Proverbs: don't bother trying to correct a fool, because they will just “bite” back (my interpretation). Another question you probably ask, why in the world would I be concerned or even more, why would I write about such a small thing? I don't have anywhere else to share. Yes, I do have the Lord, and maybe I should be sticking with only Him and not sharing here. I did read one person's comment on FS, that said when they saw a long journal, they just skipped it. Good.
I know the Lord will help me how ever it goes: whether she is nasty, whether I perform to my best or not. I want to forgive her rudeness, but obviously I'm not as good at that as I should be, or I wouldn't have bothered to tell her the truth, I would have just told her I wasn't going. But hey, she wouldn't have accepted that unless I was incapacitated. She is so very controlling and only her wants matter to her. Am I sinning for not calling for a while? It's been 9 days so far.
Eating window 6 hours.
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111.7 lb
Lost so far: 7.1 lb.
Still to go: 0 lb.
Diet followed reasonably well.
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Diet Calendar Entries for 13 February 2019:
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1214 kcal
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Fat: 85.18g | Prot: 66.17g | Carb: 44.81g.
Breakfast: Coffee. Lunch: Trader Joe's Blueberry Vanilla Goat Cheese, Egg, Kirkland Signature Organic Coconut Oil, Cabbage, Freshire Farms Baby Cut Carrots. Dinner: Trader Joe's Balsamic Vinaigrette, Trader Joe's Hass Avocado, Kirkland Signature Extra Virgin Olive Oil, Cherry Tomatoes, Our World Organics Romaine Hearts, Cooking Wine, Campbell's Cream of Mushroom Soup, Trader Joe's Organic Chicken Drumsticks. more...
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1241 kcal
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Activities & Exercise:
Floor, arm & leg - 1 hour, Resting - 15 hours, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...
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gaining 0.7 lb a week
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