59Carol's Journal, 16 December 2018

you can do this! 

Thank you for your support! I must admit that this has been a horrendously difficult day. My husband, a cancer patient, fell in the house on his hip. This happened Thursday around 5 pm. Last night I couldn't sleep for worrying over his injury. Finally he agreed to go to the hospital this morning. He can hardly walk -- using a cane and a crutch for balance. My daughter came as her vehicle is better to get him in without too much folding him up to fit in. Also my daughter stopped at a hardware store and picked up a 14 foot long rubber backed mat to put on our icy porch so he could better get to the vehicle. When he got to the hospital he fought the idea of a wheelchair until a nurse told him in no uncertain terms that he was getting into the wheelchair. He had x-rays and thank goodness there was no break. The doctor was sending us on our way after dealing with the pain med piece. I said - Can you look at his feet? They are incredibly swollen. She looked and her face dropped. He is now on a water pill that we have to monitor that he doesn't drop more than 2 pounds a day and the health unit will be coming to our house every day to wrap his legs to try to get the swelling down. That was all bad enough then I get a phone call from a long time friend of 30+ years to tell me that her husband has been hospitalized and when they did tests indicating they found that he has many cancerous spots on his lungs and liver likely coming from cancer in his kidney. Cancer was a totally unexpected diagnosis. This is an end of life scenario. While at the hospital he got influenza and is now in isolation. Meanwhile he is battling the fact that the pain meds are coming anywhere from half an hour to two hours late and he is crawling the walls. He has had chronic massive pain from a workplace accident that happened 30 years ago. Hospitals struggle with patients like him (and my husband) who are on daily high doses of pain meds for chronic pain when they are admitted as the medical staff find it hard to believe that people like our friend and my husband need the massive pain relief that they do. I am trying to stay focused and centered so that I can attend to my husband's needs while ensuring that I am eating well and exercising daily so that I have the energy and emotional strength to be there him. It hurts knowing that I want to be there for my friend but she is 2.5 hours away and I can't leave my husband. However, my son is flying in to her city on Wednesday so when I pick him up, I will go visit them then. That was quite a dump of information but I must admit that I found it cathartic to write.