peeperjj's Journal, 29 November 2018

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Uh oh. I’m seeing a pattern 😭. My body likes 126. Funny because that’s my “ideal” weight as per everything online. I’m okay with it though... for now. It’s not like I’m working out or lofting or anything. Just the pushups and such for the challenges. (10 start and 20 at failure now, some days 18 at failure)

On the stressful issues well, I’m not stressed. They made their play and it backfired. Hubby was told ‘you took something from us so we decided tot ale something from you!’ The difference is we asked them not to come to a game so we could spend time with an uncle we rarely see and they took away a huge business opportunity that would’ve made us $50,000 and them around $38,000 with very little work just a lot of cost from US upfront and a few easy changes. As of now they don’t exist to us so my life just got way easier actually. My kids are happier. My oldest was so happy and relaxed without these worries that she played the best game of her life (3 years playing ball) and they won their first game this season 24-12. They looked like a team, she smiled and only got angry once when they were shoving on her and laying over her back. Usually she has her mad face on, is bitchy to everyone before and after the games etc. This time we told her what’s going on and she immediately relaxed and has been happy and carefree for 2 days now! I’ve rarely seen this child like this. It’s been probably 5 years or more! So the family fight has turned into a blessing for me because it’s effecting my kids in a positive way. Not the fight itself but the resulting thing of not allowing them to be around the kids because they can’t stop manipulating my kids and making one feel like shit all the time by comparing her to another grandchild and my kid always seems to come up short in their eyes. Even though my oldest makes As and Bs other than her 78 in Math. She’s highly athletic and a starter in two sports. She’s the highest scoring girl in Archery and places second in most shoots except the school one. The state school comp has thousands of kids and she places 100-300 area but when it’s 4H with only 5-20 kids she places second in overall or first if there is a girls division. Yes she can be grouchy and lazy but she’s a hard worker if it’s something she enjoys or she knows we really need her help. She was reading just after her 5th birthday and read her first chapter book in kindergarten around 6 years old (3nd grade level book) and has always read a few grades ahead. She’s super smart in science, reading and social studies when she applies herself. It’s not cool at 12 so sometimes she does slack off and needs motivation (if you want to use that phone then you need to make a good grade on test next week sort of thing). She can be hard to handle at times but she’s a good kid. Just had some very hard adult lessons already that I couldn’t protect her from. Her grandparents shouldn’t put her through it and she’s now learned all about toxic relationships, not letting loved ones disrespect you constantly and we are working to build her self esteem again. I hadn’t realized it had gotten so bad because she’s like me and hides it well. The counselor has me tell her things then gives advice since my kid won’t go anymore. It’s easier on both of us this way and it helps so again, another blessing!

Note to self: stay strong, don’t give in and embrace the word NO. Kathy’s orders!

126.2 lb Lost so far: 34.4 lb. Still to go: 1.2 lb. Diet followed reasonably well.

Diet Calendar Entries for 29 November 2018:

1279 kcal

Fat: 65.89g | Prot: 86.20g | Carb: 88.52g. Lunch: Sara Lee Delightful Healthy Multi-Grain Bread, Oscar Mayer 95% Fat Free White Oven Roasted Turkey Cold Cuts, Kraft 2% Milk American Cheese Singles, Maruchan Instant Lunch - Beef. Dinner: Oscar Mayer Turkey Bacon (15g), Sara Lee Delightful Healthy Multi-Grain Bread, Land O'Lakes Salted Butter, Fried Egg. Snacks/Other: Premier Nutrition High Protein Shake - Caramel, Hershey's Milk Chocolate Bar. more...