peeperjj's Journal, 17 November 2018

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💡Last month my body did this with 130 to 132. Right now it’s 127-129. I don’t know why but I’ve figured out that there is some odd pattern based on the last few months. I wouldn’t have noticed this without daily weigh ins. A range of those few points then a drop then a range of a few pounds and drop rinse and repeat.

After studying my weigh ins a bit, I believe 127-128 is where i should be. Like last month should’ve been about 130. 4 days to ditch 2-3# haha. Good thing this goal was just something to work toward and nothing special for me.

Stepped on the body scale today and was pleasantly surprised. I’ve been doing my best to drink 4 bottles of propel per day and one soda or less. Coffee and tea is just whatever I want. I’ve had both and a couple cherry limeades (which they tell me now that they are a soda and not more like a fruit juice) and water but haven’t reached my goal of 4 whole bottles. My kids help themselves so it’s hard to guess but I’m almost positive that 3.5 has been my high this week. I probably drank about 60oz of water that day plus a couple coffees. Sleeping has been hit or miss. Stress has been a bit higher but not bad. Anxiety well that’s another story. It’s almost like they cut my dose of meds in half because it seems like my normal anxiety while on Wellbutrin has doubled this last week or so. I’m sure it’s because the pushing from family, disrespecting boundaries again, cornering the kids, whining etc are starting to get to me. A lot is being done in public where I need to be nice because these are other school parents and I want to keep the ones I chat with at games and such. It’s had being nice when I know they are manipulating us in public so that we don’t tell them to stop and create a scene. She has known a lot of these people for years. They’ve only seen the ‘poor me’ side and she makes it so that we are the bad guys so we just don’t say anything. This and constant ‘when can we come’, ‘you never give us all the schedules’ and ‘why can’t we do things on these days?’ Is just too much when it’s all crammed in every few days. I’m doubling up on my meds this week I think. Anything to try to let it roll off and give calm reasonable responses. I’d just get drunk as I’m a happy drunk although I give way too much information so they’d know exactly what I thought lol. It would just be said in a nice tone with a smile on my face haha. But ya know, kids and all, alcohol family on my side so I avoid it mostly because I know how easy it would be to go from craving it like pizza to needing it like smokes.

I had the perfect response too! They asked again, I said ok but we were inviting everyone to two games and she had wanted a later one. It was great that she wanted both together now because it was going to be hard getting everyone a game in the spring. No response all day then less than an hour and a half before it started they had something come up. The same thing that has come up twice this week. It can only be done once. They must think I’m an idiot! I drove by and sure enough they weren’t out doing what they said they had to do and had to do at that time right then. They weren’t doing it in the way back either. I thought for once I played her back but nope, she still played me and I fell for it lol. Thanksgiving dinner will be fun because she always asks while at the table with everyone and we’ve been trying not to bring everyone into it. This yearI’m sticking to my guns and if they corner the kids I will say something. My oldest and I are finally getting along 4-5 days a week. If they corner her she will rightfully blame me for not making sure they didn’t put her on the spot. She’s developing anxiety now too.

Anywho I wouldn’t thought that stress/anxiety would’ve had the cortisol or whatever it is raging and preventing a loss. Hubby said that I don’t seem to sit still for the last several days. He says I fidget a lot more, pick my nails, talk, get up and down and can’t seem to go even an hour just sitting calmly. That has to be helping the body burn a bit more than logged too.

Three games today with some of his family there. Has the potential to be a blow up afterward if anything is brought up. (This was supposed to stay between them and us but things have been said so I know his siblings now know too and don’t approve, but I’m not a doormat, my kids don’t need the stress and if they want their way then they have to compromise some and not expect us to give in every single time). Just writing this has me going from a shaking ball of nerves to someone who’s resolve is back in place and ready to take on the day! I think it’s time to start a handwritten journal again. In the past it’s been read by kids hubby and others so I stopped writing. Someone always finds it and gets nosy! I’ve even hid it in my underwear drawer (someone went through that drawer and moved my journal once when his family visited him and I was at work- pre having kids).

127.0 lb Lost so far: 33.6 lb. Still to go: 2.0 lb. Diet followed reasonably well.

Diet Calendar Entries for 17 November 2018:

1402 kcal

Fat: 47.18g | Prot: 90.28g | Carb: 158.84g. Lunch: Taco Bell Tropicana Pink Lemonade (8 oz), Taco Bell Quesadilla - Chicken, Taco Bell Crunchy Taco. Dinner: Heinz Hot Dog Relish, Kraft Miracle Whip Light Dressing, Sun Chips Harvest Cheddar, Chicken of the Sea Chunk Light Tuna in Water (Can), Sara Lee Delightful Healthy Multi-Grain Bread, Granny Smith Apples. Snacks/Other: Nestle 100 Grand (Fun Size), Nature's Bounty Hair, Skin, & Nails Gummies, Nature Made Vitamin D3 Adult Gummies, Caltrate 600+D Calcium Supplement, Fit Crunch Cinnamon Twist Baked Gluten Free. more...