kingkeld's Journal, 27 August 2012

Good morning, FatSecret!

Today, I'm gonna change pace a little in my journal.

I put a quick journal in Saturday morning, just giving FatSecret a sign of life from me - knowing it would be a long busy day, I didn't want to spend an hour typing, before moving on to all the other stuff to be done, and I knew that I probably wouldn't be on here at all Sunday.

Well, in the comment section of my journal, I found a little message from a buddy, and I will take the liberty of quoting it.

I think of you often because of your commitment to FS and how you don't let your ups and downs still keep you going! I have been a member for a year now and have lost a total of four pounds, with lots of ups and down in between. It was rough there since I lost Mom but I remember you telling me that the fact that I didn't gain weight was a victory. You are so right. A year has gone by and I am relatively in the same place. My head is just not getting it. It helps that I am writing this to you because I know you don't let your ups and downs get to you. I need to journal more and make a healthy way of life get into my head. It has felt good writing this to you. You cheer everyone on and that is so wonderful. Keep it up!

This made me stop and think. It made me take a long, hard look at myself, and think things through.

Am I really doing all that good? I've been losing and gaining the same kilos over and over ever since the surgery. Yes, some is definitely water, but I am getting more and more certain that it's not ALL water.

I know I inspire people here on FS. Trouble is, I realized while reading this comment that lately I have not inspired ME.

I'm about to start teaching a weight loss class. Just a few weeks from now. How can I be comfortable teaching a class like that knowing that I am GAINING weight and not feeling that I am doing all I can?

If you want to help others, you need to be in the best place possible yourself.

Would you ever go to a psychologist who you knew was battling a depression of his own? I didn't think so...

I feel that I have been slipping WAY too many times, thus gaining weight again, when I just lost it.

This has got to stop.

I did a full "reboot" of my weight loss journey yesterday, recorded all I ate, recorded all my exercise, said no to snacks that I didn't want or need, and just did what I'm supposed to do.

It was surprisingly easy - I put my eye on the prize, and off I went. In hind sight it wasn't a big deal at all, it was just a matter of doing it. I was dead tired yesterday, and that's normally where I will give in and have treats, but I didn't. Not once.

This has GOT to be the way forward for me. I did it for so long, and I feel that I'm simply slacking. No more.

So, today I got on the scale to take a long hard look at ALL the data. My weight was no surprise - I am at 86.6 kgs. It is what it is, I've been there numerous times the last two months.

Before my surgery, my fat percentage was around 7 or 8%. At times it was all the way down to 5, but those are ridiculous numbers. Googling pictures of people with 5 or 10 percent body fat shows me that I'm not even close to that. Those are super fit people who surely work out constantly. So I have always assumed that all the excess skin was messing it up, and at the end of my pre-op weight loss journey, my scale couldn't even figure out the number any longer. So I just started going with the weight and leave it at that.

Well, today I went back to check all the stats.

My weight is 86.6 kgs, my body fat is 12%, visceral fat is 9 (I'm still not fully sure what this is...) and my BMI is 27.2.

It's not horribly bad at all. It's too high for my taste, but it's not horribly bad.

I was a little shocked seeing 12% body fat at first, probably just because I am so used to single digits in this number. Visceral fat has been down tot 5 also.

Now, of course, my quest is to lower all numbers. Do good. Do right.

It's gonna be a little challneging because of the fluids that are STILL built up. I know they're there - I can feel it in my inner thighs and other places - but I NEED to make sure that I'm not building up fat.

I'm not gonna panic over the 12% body fat. I think that's probably close to where I need to be. I'm not expecting it to be at 5 or 6 ever again - I think that was a fluke that came with the excess skin that I had cut off. However, I do want to use it to watch what kind of weight I am losing as I move closer to my goal weight.

I have seriously been considering changing my goal weight.

77 kgs is a VERY ambitious goal, and a goal I set to qualify for surgery. It's not a number that I NEED to reach any longer.

However, it is also a weight at which I was extremely comfortable with myself. I don't feel that kind of comfort now, and I want it back.

I want to feel as I did before surgery, and I feel that I am really dragging my feel. I'm in bad shape, and too tired

Of course, I get tired because of my healing process. I get tired because I set up too many things for me to do. But I do believe that the more I keep going and "act normal", the easier I will get back into my usual old groove.

So there it is. Back on track. Doing it. :)

Today I am thankful for:
- Buddies! This just shows how important it is for us to write (and read) journals. We feed off each other. Let's use that energy!
- A great night's sleep after a long weekend.
- Morning coffee.
- A beautiful sun outside my window. Let's make that symbolic for my journey here.
- FULL focus. Let's do this.

Today will be an awesome day. I hope yours will be AT LEAST as good. Life IS good!


190.9 lb Lost so far: 150.8 lb.    Still to go: 3.5 lb.    Diet followed 100%.

Diet Calendar Entries for 27 August 2012:
1024 kcal Fat: 22.15g | Prot: 57.59g | Carb: 153.92g.   Breakfast: Egg, Rye Bread, Sliced Ham (Extra Lean). Lunch: Spanish Rice, Mixed Vegetables (Drained Solids, Canned). Dinner: Cauliflower, lean pork. Snacks/Other: Apples, Sliced Ham (Extra Lean). more...
3036 kcal Activities & Exercise: Bicycling (moderate) - 13/mph - 5 minutes, Standing - 3 hours and 30 minutes, Walking (moderate) - 3/mph - 20 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours, Sitting - 7 hours and 5 minutes, Desk Work - 5 hours. more...
on diet kingkeld's own diet   gaining 1.0 lb a week

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Comments 
Visceral fat is the dangerous kind that is in your belly and around your organs. Do I trust a scale with a few electrodes to measure it? Not so much. Good luck with your reboot, you know we are here for you too. /Cheers, JP 
26 Aug 12 by member: posterchild66
I know to use the numbers as a guideline, and not have it be the holy fact giver. :) However, it's a good measurement tool, and a good guide line for how we're doing - just as the weight number is. These are pretty inaccurate too oftentimes. Reboot is definitely on - I need and WANT to do this. I've taken a good chunk of time remembering the awesome feeling of being lighter than what I am now. I want it back. Gimme gimme gimme!  
27 Aug 12 by member: kingkeld
What an honest and insightful journal entry; I'm so glad I stopped by to read it. From the little I know about you from my time with FS, I have faith that you will achieveexactly what is right for you, personally. I just might see that psychologist battling depression; those who have been through it & come out the other side, knowing it's not an express train to wellness, often have more to offer than those that breeze right through difficult life transitions without a single hiccup along the way. After that mishmash of metaphors, I hope you catch my drift. I'd sign up for your class if I was in your area; I'm sure you'll do great. Go for that lighter feeling! I'm approaching that "lighter than I've been in my adult life" place, & it's verrrry exciting Of course I'm shaped a bit differently & have loose skin here and there, but life is grand!  
27 Aug 12 by member: crabby Kat
Wow.... Weight loss class... What a motivation to "get it together" .... Sounds like you really had a hard think about what's happening... Good luck x 
27 Aug 12 by member: Sk1nnyfuture
You are so write abt us feeding off of each others energy. We all need that postive reinforcement to help us win this battle.  
27 Aug 12 by member: bonthronm
...and win we ALL will, bonthronm. :) 
27 Aug 12 by member: kingkeld
crabby said EXACTLY what I was thinking with regards to the "psychologist battling depression" thing. Those are the people who truly "get it" and can be the most help to others...on another note, I get you about knowing you're "slacking" as you put it. I've had to face that ugly demon more than once, myself...I imagine most of us have...so, face it, fix it, and move forward...it's just what we do. :-) 
27 Aug 12 by member: Baxie
I'm not talking about seeing a psychologist who has battled depression. I am talking about one who is CURRENTLY suffering from depression. :) WAY HUGE difference. The point is that if you want to be there for others, you need the extra energy to give, and one with their own demons to battle do not have this.  
27 Aug 12 by member: kingkeld
king...the battle with depression is like the battle with cancer...sometimes you are in remission, but the enemy is always peeking around the corner. I guess the enemy in weight loss is also only steps behind. It is only through constant vigil that we keep them at bay. None of our battles are truely ever over, hopefully we just get better at predicting the enemies moves, and get more and more tools to battle them. 
27 Aug 12 by member: JenKatja
Honesty truly is the best policy, huh? If we can't look honestly at our weight, our choices, and our challenges, we can't possibly move forward from where we are to where we want to be. We can make excuses for why we can't succeed. Thank you for your honest assessment of your battle, and the challenges you face. I would wish you luck, but I don't think you need luck. Instead, I will offer that I will be on the side cheering you on. Go Kingkeld! 
27 Aug 12 by member: yduj57
JenKatja, that is (partially) my point. One of the reasons you can't have a shrink with depression, I wouldn't recommend it... I think this one line of my journal kinda wheeled things off track here... :)  
27 Aug 12 by member: kingkeld
I want to say first that I look forward to your posts no matter what you post :) You help to put things into perspective. I have been going back and forth with my goal weight as well. I've decided once I get to top of the healthy range for me from there I'll get down to where I feel the most happy. I'm not really looking for a number once I'm at a "healthy" weight. My goal is to first be below 200 so 199. After that I'm looking for the healthy range. Whatever weight I'm happy at is where I'll stick. 
27 Aug 12 by member: Shanelle05
Very insightful post today. Your going to do great in helping others lose weight since you've been doing it for some time now. You just didn't realize how big of an impact you've had on us until now. 
27 Aug 12 by member: davidsmom
Great job, Kingkeld, it's always good to take a long, hard (honest) look at ourselves and reassess where we are in relation to our goals and what we need to change, step up or leave out in order to achieve them. 
27 Aug 12 by member: Earthlady
Hey Kingkeld, Ive been in vacation and mot read your posts in a few weeks. You do inspire many and you definatly know what you are talking about to teach a class. Sometimes it's hard to know when the race is over. You have normal BMI. Enjoy it, your family and your life!  
27 Aug 12 by member: JL-D
Hey KK! Thanks for stopping by and posting your little bit o sunshine in my journal. I feel like you do.... let's kick some arse! We can do this! Onward! Feel the energy! ;) oh... and here's a (((BIG HUG!!!))) Welcome back, KingKeld! 
27 Aug 12 by member: Mom2Boxers
Yep, you're all over this self-motivation train - keep it going!! :) 
27 Aug 12 by member: erika2633
Thanks guys! 
27 Aug 12 by member: kingkeld

     
 

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