Ms Elizabeth's Journal, 02 May 2018

After reading through the comments on my last journal, talking with friends, getting advice from people I believe are wise and are in a place that I want to be I decided to do something. No it wasn't call the life coach that was recommended by the health coach who was given to me by the company wellness plan. Their whole goal is go get us healthy so we don't end up costing the company money. Which I'm not against. I'd like to be healthy. I'd like to manage my stress. I'd love to find a little bit of peace. I'd love to not find pants right in front of the door with the shoes because apparently pants are only for the outdoors? I didn't realize this. My 3 yr old is a wealth of knowledge. He knows EVERYTHING. Seriously.. maybe the thing I should do is follow his lead. Eh.. I don't have the guts to go pantsless. My mother in law would walk in and that would be kinda awkward. I don't know if she will buy the pants rule. Plus I like pants. Going pantsless would require me to shave my legs regularly.

ANYWAYS. Someone said they have been reading my journal for the last 3 years and nothing has changed. And they are absolutely right in a way. I'm actually a little heavier, just as tired, just as overwhelmed, just as unhappy, struggling with the same thing, and thinking that's great advice! Then never following that great advice. Things like.. take time for myself (honestly I don't know what to do for myself anymore), finding ways to be grateful for what I have, going after the things I want (again.. no freaking clue and I don't think not having sticky floors is a goal), taking care of me before I take care of everyone else (I can't pee without someone asking me for something. I'm not sure if they think I'm going to stop in midstream to make them a snack or what.)

So I think it's time I follow all the great advice I have been given. I think it's time I listen to the people who I think are amazing. I think it's time I try to figure out who I am today and who I want to be. I do not want to be the woman in Walmart scream whispering "GET OVER HERE!" while the two boys chase each other up and down the ice cream aisle while I eyeball the ben and jerry's sale tag. I also don't want to be the woman who complains constantly and then never does anything to fix it. That woman is BITTER. Ok.. that woman is me but I don't want to be her. Sighing at strangers and muttering I hate people to myself in public can't be healthy..

So here is the advice:

1. Do something you have always wanted to do. Check.. Signed up for the 5K this morning with a goal of beating last years time.

2. Be thankful, find the things in life that make you happy. Sorta Check.. I created an Instagram account that isn't connected to anyone that I know in real life. This way it will be like here. I can post what I want without worrying about what someone will think or feel. It's all about me and my weirdness and what makes me happy. It will also be a way of easily tracking my progress at the click of an iPhone. The user name is peaceloveandpurpose. The idea is I will find peace, spread love, and live every day with purpose. Because lets face it. The rut I'm in is DEEEP. We've passed manure and moved onto bedrock. If anyone knows how to live with purpose um.. let me know. Or if you have ideas of things I might try. Again.. let me know. Kinda lost here.

3. Love myself. Be kind to myself. Treat me like I would treat others. I think eating right falls into this category. Eating good for me foods. Taking care of me by working out. And well... not treating myself like cow poop. There is a theory that when you treat yourself like manure you give others permission to treat you like manure. Seems like a logical thought process. Plus maybe if I stop beating myself up about eating carbs and realize that yes I had sushi with brown rice that is actually good food too. THEN maybe I won't go to a dark place where I feel guilty I ate carbs and go face first into a chocolate cake making motor boat noises. Again.. lessons from the 3 yr old. ENJOY your food.. even if that means going face first. I think this also means I have to stop looking in the mirror and analyzing my butt versus front butt proportions. The butt is still bigger btw.

In other news.. in case you were wondering. The Nike tie headbands are the hot new teen item. Apparently they are also a heavily shoplifted item. I had to go to Dicks to get soccer and softball gear for the little man and the teen. The teen kept mentioning the headbands. She has this whole argument that the tie one will actually stay on her head unlike well.. every other head band. She does have a nice round head. Proof I never dropped her. Anyways.. The dicks had the headbands. Next to the cashier. With two security tags, one sticky security tag, and they were placed on a locked hanger. All this for a $10 item. This made me laugh. Asking the cashier.. "Ummmmm... Can I purchase one of these? Or are these only for the special people and do we have to call security to witness this transaction?" made her laugh. Now the questions is. Do I give it to the teen or keep this coveted item in some sort of shrine?

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1297 kcal

Fat: 48.70g | Prot: 86.22g | Carb: 125.49g.   Breakfast: Green Giant Seasoned Steamers Brussels Sprouts, Coffee-Mate French Vanilla Liquid Coffee Creamer, Coffee, Atkins French Vanilla Shake. Lunch: Blackberries (Alaska Native), Southern Tsunami Sushi Bar Spicy Tuna Roll, California Rolls. Dinner: Ground Beef (80% Lean / 20% Fat, Patty, Cooked, Broiled) . Snacks/Other: thinkThin Protein Cakes Red Velvet. more...