DairyFarmersWife's Journal, 30 April 2018

When work assigns you a health coach and the health coach asks you what your life is like and how it's going and you give a 2-3 minute explanation of everything you do and hit the highlights of what is going on and THEN they recommend you call the Life Help line your work also offers.. should that person worry? Asking for a friend. Ahem.. ok me.

Maybe I need to journal more so when someone asks me how I am I don't go into more than a 2-3 minute explanation. I think that could help. I still haven't called the Life Help line but I'm tempted because I know the next health coach call will include the question.. did you call? Well no. No I haven't. I already know I'm crazy and I assume the fewer people that actually know that may be a good thing. Then again they could tell me I'm not crazy and feeling like your overwhelmed and your life is aimless around your 40's is normal. It could be why most people decide to have midlife crisis. A good midlife crisis could do me good!

Anyways... I'm still working out almost every day. I'm also eating every day. Mostly things a person probably shouldn't eat if they expect to lose a substantial amount of weight. BUT. I completely went off the rails Saturday and Sunday and only gained 1-2 lbs. I can only assume that by working out and feeling like I'm about to die every day is working my way back towards the kind of shape I used to be in. You know when I was milking cows, throwing around hay bales, cleaning out stalls, and exclaiming things like "What do you mean that's all you ate??" when someone told me their calorie count was under 1600. Apparently eating over 1600 calories only works if you do the extra work. Life is soooo unfair.

Now I start my day off with either strength or cardio workout, I walk at lunchtime to pretend I'm training for a 5K, and by 6 pm I'm cursing at my food log because at 6 am I convinced myself that chocolate no bake cookies were made with oatmeal and therefore were a breakfast food. Note to self.. tell the teen to devour the no bake cookies before I get home tonight. I should probably try that whole no sugar or processed food kick again but every time I do I turn into a stubborn brat and I tell myself I can't tell myself what to do and I deserve to eat what I want because other people eat what they want and I just worked 50 hours, cleaned the house, and found socks that match so I deserve a cookie darn it!!!

Huh.. maybe I should call the life line after all. Maybe a trained professional can work out the tangles in my brain. That poor poor professional.

32 Supporters    Support   

I love reading your journals. I always get a chuckle. Sorry things aren’t going so well. ❣️ 
30 Apr 18 by member: Johanne
If you were recommended for a health coach at work, I would think they are worried about your stress level and how your homelife is working against you at work. You have 3 kids - right there you might need a life coach to help organize them! Good luck. Even getting sympathy can sometimes help. PS Shoes are critically important to a good workout. 
30 Apr 18 by member: abbadabba
Ditto @Abbadabba- shoes deserve your attention. And a trained professional can be a big help. It's their job to listen, and they can help you put things in proper perspective. 
30 Apr 18 by member: TomLong
:) Doubt a life coach will be able to keep up with you. Hmmm...maybe you could be someone's life coach :)  
30 Apr 18 by member: kattay
I've never heard of a health coach, what's that? 
30 Apr 18 by member: Steven Anthony
Well, it all depends on what you said to make the comment they did. If you feel stressed Mentally exhausted Then seek the help Physical exercise is a good start Get a pair of sneakers Go for a walk! 
30 Apr 18 by member: Chanel2016
Unfortunately you are reeling out of control with your mind. You have to sit down and write out your own personal values, and live to those values. In life I pass on to you 40 is so young, you are not crazy, you have lost your grounding, and you have lost focus of you - being a wife, caretaker, take care of the cows, milk, chickens, and all that comes including the bills, and the end does not end. Where is there time spent on YOU? What do you do for YOU? At your age, having children and all you deal with, you become unimportant and do nothing for yourself. You truly need to take a good inventory of your wants, desires, needs, and start to begin a whole new life with time out for you, and that's not a card game with a bunch of ladies, it's perhaps a yoga relaxing class, a trip to the spa with soft music, a journey through Sounds True and looking for individuals that fit into the areas of your life that you feel missing - Jack Kornfield is a great start "The Wise Heart". Whichever way you turn, no one can fix you, you need to fix you, and you have to open your mind and your heart to wisdom that you can learn to get through this crisis and move forward. What is behind you is buried in cement, nothing can change it, what counts now is this very moment, a moment I have now chosen to write you, as tomorrow I may not be here to write you, as we have no idea of what tomorrow will bring. Don't delay, every choice you make is a push and pull of the mind, you have such awesome years ahead of you, one day I hope to run across a post from you speaking of how much you love yourself, how much you have grown, how much gratitude you have just to be able to breathe every morning. No one can express in 1 - 3 minutes "their situation" 40 years cannot be undone; slow down, find some quiet space, listen to your self, look up box breathing on Google, start practicing it, remember when your mind wanders, say to yourself follow the breath and stay with it. Listen to the one set of CD's I recommend probably can get them from a library, and listen with an open mind and and open heart in a quiet place, listen once and roll it back and listen twice to something that you may have missed. I send you blessings, and prayers from a loving place, you will find your grounding again in life, your center your own rock to hold onto for self. Never give up.  
30 Apr 18 by member: Paleant
Make the call, dear. You're not crazy. And it's not normal to feel overwhelmed and aimless at 40, no matter how many people who do feel that way try to convince you that it is so they feel less shitty about their own lives. Make the call. 
30 Apr 18 by member: Toumina
I've been reading your journals for about three years now, and you're still in the same place that you were three years ago. You need help with this. Go get it. Life is short. 
01 May 18 by member: heidij123
I love your journals as they're usually funny and a wee bit chaotic but contain hope. This one isn't the same as the others. I agree with the others - make the call. Thinking of you. 
01 May 18 by member: Phooka
Ever looked into the Law of Attraction? Ed Lester coach, it's free online, some parts ask you to sign up but do the 'dream envelope' which is free. It's always good to write things down, you can affirm where you want to be, what needs to go, what is not working for you etc. I had (still do sometimes) a maniacal mind, too busy to concentrate, felt all over the place.. This has helped me see much more clearly my direction, and it's all come from me, when I put pen to paper. It's honestly worth a look! Long term goals, short term goals, your life's purpose.. lose the muddle, and focus, things start happening!! Good luck x 
01 May 18 by member: Jane1066
I think you could do with a couple of weeks of detox. I could offer to guide you but I would need to know of any health issues you may have before I can help. How well do you sleep? Do you have a lot of caffeine drinks? What sort of foods are you eating? Privately message me if you like. (Use a PC to do this) 
01 May 18 by member: Allen14
❤❤❤you'll get through this ❤❤❤ 
01 May 18 by member: jacshadow


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