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Well, mini stall or something. My body is as stubborn as my mind. =) if i don't eat at least 1300 cals and at least 120 of protein, my weight doesn't budge. it's like my body is sayin.....'you don't wanna feed me? WELl, I don't wanna drop the lbs!!' I know it's not really a stall and i can't expect to lose 2 lbs every week. LOL...but that doesn't mean I can't WANT too!!!
This week is my spring break. It's been spent mostly in bed with a terrible migraine. Which totally sucks, because I had many plans. I'm going to try to get some things done today. I need to go through my remaining clothes and take inventory. I don't really have alot left that fit me. I'm anti-buying new clothes. My GF has been trying to get me to go buy some. You would THINK I would be excited. To be honest, I'm terrified. I don't wanna go by myself and going with my GF...well, she tries to help me but she just isn't a GIRL. LOL. I know I'm being stupid. I just need to get over it and go buy some new freaking clothes. BUT. I haven't really gone into a STORE and bought new clothes in a very long time. YEAH, I bought some jeans and stuff recently...but jeans are different then SUMMER CLOTHES. usually I buy them online and hope for the best. I can't do that now, because well...i have NO idea what size I am. My size 20 jeans are big, well one pair is really big, and the other pair is baggy too. I'm just worried I;m going to try om something and look into the dreded mirror and BOOM.......fat dawn is staring back at me. I looked into a mirror on easter and almost cried I looked so freaking fat. I mean, what is WRONG with me? I have lost almost 125 lbs!!! When will I be HAPPY with what I look like?? I look into mirrors all the time now, so its like a constant reminder of how much MORE weight I need to LOSE. When it should be...wow...look at how much weight I have LOST. Mental games we play with ourselves. How am I going to feel when I hit my goal? I recently changed my goal weight to 180. It was 195. Will I keep changing it once I get closer? ::sigh::
I guess this clothes thing is stressing me out. LOL.
Anyway, I hope everyone is having a great week.
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 Comments
I have to admit, when I was bigger I thought I was ok with my weight, so I thought I looked pretty good. Then when I decided to lose the weight, I started feeling disgusted with how fat I was, even now I look in the mirror and think "gross, I can't believe I was fatter than this!" lol. I think that because we are working so hard to reach a goal we just notice the fat more, because we are paying attention more. Thats what I think I'm doing anyway. And I have to remind myself how far I've come and how proud of myself I am.
11 Apr 12 by member: serafano
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I go through stages of shopping fear and stages of shopping mania. There's something AWESOME about going into a Lady Shop (rather than a guys' shop or a fat shop) and actually fitting things, but sometimes I'm too scared and I have the same thing where I hate how I look, and don't want to try things on and find they're too small, and I've cried in changing rooms on many occasions. But honestly, sweetie, for every shopping day that's ended in wretched sobbing, there's one that's ended in something gorgeous and new and the knowledge that I never would have fit it two years ago. Remember your accomplishments, and be proud of them. And you've done AMAZINGLY. xxx
11 Apr 12 by member: ferlengheti
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You ARE doing amazingly well, Dawn. And Serafano's right. Now that we're paying attention, we notice more. I've lost almost 170 lbs and every time I look in the mirror, I see so much that I want to fix (get rid of), regardless of what everyone else sees. Maybe if you don't hate returning things, you could try buying. Couple things online and let your house be your dressing room. Things that are a little mall, you can keep to fit into. And things you don't like, you can just return. Less drama. LOL
12 Apr 12 by member: Helewis
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Thank you SO much ladies! I think you are so right on Sera, when you said you notice it more. I used to never, EVER look into mirrors when i has at my heaviest, and now that I do, I'm just so critical of myself. i WILL say, though, when i weighed myself this morning I really LOOKED at myself in the mirror when i was all naked and I noticed things I haven't seen/had in a long time. YEAH i still have icky fat rolls, but they are much smaller..... So THAT made me happy. =) I've deveolped this 'face the evil' head-on kind of mentality due to my depression and anxiety and so this fear of buying clothes thing will just be something else i face. I will blog about it when i go. it will prob be next weekend. i just went through my closet and I truly have hardly any clothes. LOL. I just have to freakin DO IT! Thank you all so much for the wonderful advice!!! =)
12 Apr 12 by member: HerStrawberri
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