Jill-gill's Journal, 06 February 2010

What's the matter with you? My diagnosis is that you are human. It is probably good that you feel sick and disappointed - provided that you can remember this vividly before you do it again. I am an all-or-nothing type of person. I have lost 40lbs. in the past and was very muscular, but after a few "slips", I had gained the 40 back and added 17 more! Here is what I've done differently this time. When I slip up (which is inevitable), I have already convinced myself that it is not the end of the world and it doesn't undo all of the hard work I've done so far. More importantly, I'm trying not to slip up in the first place by convincing myself that the short-term pleasure is not worth the long-term effects. I try to enjoy the healthy food I eat more instead of wishing I could have a box of cookies. I have always felt like crap after overdoing it, but for some reason, the memory of that is never sufficient to overcome the desire to "cheat". This time has been different because of a different mental attitude about food and fitness. Everyday I meditate on the purpose of food, and why I am not able to eat like the very few people I know who can eat anything and stay healthy. This is not as depressing as it sounds. The bottom line is I am aware of the reality of the situation and I have the tools to address it, and the desire to live a long, healthy life. Keep up the good work, don't be too hard on yourself, and talk to yourself about the reality of the situation. Chocolate is good for a few minutes - a fit, healthy life is good for a lifetime! 

I know - I have been really strong with that feeling that you enjoy eating your favourite foods but that feeling only lasts while you eat it - it is so short lived. I don't know what happened today. But I do feel somewhat inspired by it. I felt like I may jump off the wagon entirely earlier - you know that voice that says "Well maybe you can do it a different way - try a different diet" But after just the chocolate I feel renewed for tomorrow instead of dread. THanks for the encouragement! Plus I still feel sick! 

We're on a life long journey. All I know is that when I eat right and exercise, I feel great. Someday I may look great, but that isn't the main purpose. Long, healthy, fit life - that's the goal!