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I have been all over the place lately. Big transition in my life, with the new responsibilities and changes in expectations of me.
Part of me thinks that I should be happy that I have maintained for the last month and a half...and the other part of me thinks that that is just part of my old mindset that half-ass is always good enough, when it comes to doing something just for me.
It could be worse...but I could have done a whole lot better, too.
And the last few days? I feel like I am a vacuum! My grazing is completely out of control. I am reaching for sugary nonsense, when when I am full to bursting.
I know that it is because I am stressed. Why isn't knowing that enough for me to stop myself and force myself to put the cookies down? The people around me are going to keep buying little candy bars and handing me some...making cookies and cakes and bringing me cinnamon rolls and pieces of pie and pizza, and telling me to lighten up when I try to politely decline them.
None of them have a weight problem - only me. I can't change their habits; I need to boost my ability to say no. Just like Wilde, I can resist anything but temptation, and in this new environment, over which I have little control...I have to get tighter about how I handle this.
Lots of sources of stress. Lots. Why am I the only one in my family who eats on overdrive when stressed out? I am sitting here, absolutely stuffed. Painfully so. Yet if I walked through the kitchen, I would stop and eat another damned cookie. Because they are home made. And delicious.
BUt not really delicious. I know I am just back in a sugar coma. I didn't enjoy eating them, and I was pressured into the first few. Now, my body just keeps pointing me back in the sugar's direction.
My lack of willpower and lack of control over several parts of my life are making me really depressed. And screwing up just seems to be feeding that negative cycle.
Snap out of it. Please.
Diet Calendar Entry for 19 September 2011:
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1789 kcal
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Fat: 111.20g | Prot: 44.66g | Carb: 168.76g.
Breakfast: blueberries, olive oil, eggs. Lunch: toll house chocolate chip cookie, almonds, banana, honey. Dinner: palak paneer. more...
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