HerStrawberri's Journal, 25 August 2011

WARNING!!! Most of this is NOt diet related and WILL be ranty!

Ok, so this is my first day of school. I SHOULD be all excited and stuff. RIGHT?!?! Well, I'm not. I actually don't even freaking care. My P and I got into a HUGE fight last night. We don't really fight. We have 'disputes' every now and then, but we do NOT fight. We used to fight really bad when we first got together but that was 5 years ago. So last night was a doosey for me. I'm going on barely any sleep and I only had like 300 cals yesterday. You would THINK i would be super hungry, but honestly....food is the farthest thing from my mind. =(

This is basucally what happened. My EMIL sent me a text yesterday afternoon and it said, "I would like to apologize please". Well, i didn't know what to say back at first. I'm so NOT over what happened and I do NOT want to talk to her. Like ever. Well, maybe not EVER EVER but at least not 3 freaking days after it happened. So i sat there for like 20 mins, trying to figure out what to say. I finally went with "There is nothing left to say. Please leave me alone and I will do the same". I honestly didn't think that sounded bitchy. Well, apparently I was WRONG.

My P called me when she got off work and asked me if her mom sent me a text. i said yes and told her what i sent back. WELL, she got ALLLL pissed off. Like totally. I honestly had no freaking clue as to why she was so mad. She tells me ALL the time to say what I want to her mom. That I'm a grown ass women. Ok, well then WHY when I DO SAY what I want to say, FINALLY I might add, do you get all fraking pissed off at me? So needless to say the fight was on. I'm was NOT backing down. She came home and the shit hit the fan. I told her that I'm allowed to say whatever i want. I'm NOT a child and I have been putting up with her mothers ABUSE for 6 freaking years. So needless to say, it was bad. She is stressed out because her mother gives her so much crap and abuses HER as well...but she feels like she is the only one her mom has left. My P is at the end of her rope as well with her and really, it's only a matter of time before she blows up on her as well. I really felt like my P was trying to bully me into talking to her mom again. She kept bringing up the holidays and all this crap. Like, how are we going to do all of this and stuff. i was like, I'M NOT THE F'N PSYCHO THAT STARTED THIS CRAP!!! It's like she was mad AT ME for all of this happening. It went on and on like that for like 2 or 3 hours.

It was so bad. I think I cried all night. We stopped fighting and I guess made up, but honestly.....I'm hurt. I GET this is very hard for her. THAT is what had me so upset earlier. i totally understand this is her mom. BUT. I have the right to NOT have abusive people around me. i DO NOT have to feel bullied into doing something I'm just NOT F'N READY TO DO ONLY 3 F'N DAYS AFTER IT HAPPENED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I mean, am I being the unreasonable one!!!!!!!!!!!!! I FREAKIN KNOW sooner or later i will have to suck it up and keep the peace and let the freaking psycho pill popper over to our house and i will have to be civil as she walks around MY HOUSE critizing EVERYTHING. Or when I make Thanksgiving dinner and she totally talks about how much the food sucks but take home ALL of the leftovers. or listen to how FAT I AM. I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND that sooner or later I will have to do that. BUT FREAKING GIVE ME A FEW MONTHS TO GET THE F*CK OVER IT AND JUST RELAX!!!!!!. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, I'm done ranting. I'm just so freaking upset over this whole thing. I WAS getting over it. Don't freaking try to bully me into something i don't freaking want to do. i will buck the system everytime and even if I DID want to do it sooner or later...i WOn'T do it because you are bullying me. My dad does that to me and I DO NOT like to be told what to do. My P knows this.

So, my wonderful first day of school, that I was so proud of, is totally shot to hell. THAT has me really upset as well. I needed to journal about this last night. It always makes me feel better when I write it out. =(

Anyway, I'm really sad. I look like hell and I feel like crap. I'm going to go make myself eat. I know i will prob gain 3 lbs from lack of eating, but I don't care. Surprisingly, i don't want anything 'bad'. Well, i don't really want anything. =(

Diet Calendar Entries for 25 August 2011:
1227 kcal Fat: 73.44g | Prot: 66.74g | Carb: 69.77g.   Breakfast: Egg, Brown 'n Serve Turkey Sausage Links, IMPRL DELIGHT QTRS. Dinner: Brickoven Style Supreme Pizza, Iceberg Lettuce (Includes Crisphead Types), Ranch Salad Dressing, Fried Shrimp. Snacks/Other: 2% String Cheese Sticks, Light & Fit Carb and Sugar Control Yogurt - Strawberry. more...
3381 kcal Activities & Exercise: Resting - 16 hours, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...


I totally understand how you feel. I didn't talk to my brother in law for 5 years. Is it possible that your P convinced her mom to apologize and then was upset when you wouldn't talk to her? Hearing the story, I'm guessing that's what happened and why she over-reacted. She's trying to fix something that can't be fixed yet. Tell her how much time you need - a month or something and then you can talk about this. In that time you can decide how you need to structure your new relationship with her mother - i.e. setting ground rules that she doesn't insult you or she will be asked to leave the house. But most of all, try to remember that you are amazing, and that the stupidity of your MIL should not impact your health (i.e. healthy way of eating). Don't let her win - by being this upset over the issue, you're still letting her negativity win and ruin your day. The best thing to do is continue on with your life and ignore she exists. I get that it's hard, but it's totally possible! 
25 Aug 11 by member: BrandyRelaxing
First.. do not let this affect your first day of school please, there is nothing worse than being somewhere when your mind is somewhere else. Second no you are not out of line for wanting time to process and cool off, I think P is just upset because the 2 women she loves are fighting and it hurts her to see it (even if her mom is crazy she is still her mom you know?) I hope your day goes well at school and stuff! 
25 Aug 11 by member: pixidaisy
MILs are a breed entirely their own. You can take a perfectly nice woman, have her become a MIL, and watch her transform before your very eyes. The drama isn't worth your health or relationship though. P has to understand that just because her mom is allowed to treat her like shit does not mean that her mom is allowed to treat you like shit. You don't owe her mother anything. Abusive people suck. *hugs* Hang in there, and eat something for crying out loud! 
25 Aug 11 by member: XPrettyXFaceX
Oh, and.. CONGRATULATIONS on your first day of school! EXCITING! 
25 Aug 11 by member: XPrettyXFaceX
I'm not sure what the acromnyms are, but I am sorry you are going through this.  
25 Aug 11 by member: Adelinemf
Don't let your EMIL steal away any more happiness than she already has! Enjoy your first day of school and be proud of your self!!! You are an amazing woman doing all sorts of amazing things - that bitter little woman will always be just that - a bitter little woman. I have a lot of issues with my EMIL an the one thing I have learned it that it is my P's mother! - He can rant and rave all he wants and I just smile and say nothing - but if I say something we will have a fight - Not that I let her attack me directly - oh I will stand up for my self. I just really try to stay out of her way - she left my house yesterday morning and believe me I was one busy woman the past few days! Mine lives three hours away fortunately, sounds like yours is a little too close for comfort - keep your chin up! I keep telling my self that she won't be around forever  
25 Aug 11 by member: krystynecar
Thank you so much everyone! You all are right. I'm not letting this crazy women ruin my day. I've eaten my breakfast and I feel a little bit better. I'm getting a little excited about my day. =) I will let you all know how it goes when I get home. THANK YOU!!!!! 
25 Aug 11 by member: HerStrawberri
Hi Dawn, I was going to respond to your journal here, read everyone else's responses and realized they ALL said it better! I love what Brandy said and wonder if she's right about your girl getting her mom to apologize to you and then having it not accepted. I'll bet she WAS instrumental in getting her to do that (even if it was a lousy attempt). And yes, you will need to set ground rules - you do NOT have to allow anyone to abuse you - ever. I like the idea of her being asked to leave if she begins to insult and criticize you. In time she will learn to keep her mouth shut - even if it's only when she's in your home. I'm sure she DOES feel sorry for her and maybe responsible for her "happiness" (I know, a joke... this woman hasn't seen happiness in decades, probably!). But she's just enabling her mother to continue to abuse her and to abuse you. I wouldn't know how to deal with it personally, but I'm sure there is a way to diffuse the situation, lay out clear cut rules and then follow them to a "t". Probably like having children and making sure they know there are consequences to their actions - and letting them know what those consequences are. So like Brandy said - if (when- let's be real here) she is abusive to you in your home, she will be asked to leave. Immediately. A few instances of this and she'll get it. You got a lot of great advice here and definitely the understanding of all of us. My only suggestion would be to MAYBE... and I stress MAYBE... text her back and tell her that you're sorry you were so abrupt, but that you are not ready to accept her apology right now - regardless of how heartfelt it may have been (barf, I know). And that you will need time - probably a few weeks to get over the sting of her insults, and then you would be willing to talk and work things out. Now, I realize this may be impossible, but IF you could, it might go far in mending the situation. At least with your girl. And the EMIL... let her stew. It's kind of like when someone says something really horrible to you and you just let it HANG THERE in the air for a bit? It sort of reverberates and almost like it's flung back at them... and THEN they realize just how shitty of a thing it was they said? Maybe if you can be the bigger person and find a way to phrase it so you let her know YOU are the one that was insulted and that you need a bit of time to heal, maybe SHE will finally "hear" how she treated you. Ah... but given the situation and the amount of time this has been going on... maybe it wouldn't have any effect at all. Unfortunately. Regardless, I hope you took the advice to enjoy your first day of classes. Don't let this woman win. This is something YOU have been looking forward to. Hope it was enjoyable!  
25 Aug 11 by member: redwinelover
Yep, yep, I was thinking exactly what Brandy said, as soon as I read what you wrote. Hang in there friend. I hope your 1st day at school goes/went well. ((((HUGS))) 
25 Aug 11 by member: kcook323
Strawberri - First of all CONGRATS on your first day of school. So proud of you for doing this. Secondly, You are probably not going to like what I have to say but please don't think I am taking sides. I hate hanging on to old arguments, it takes way too much negative energy, stays on your mind for too long as you continue to seeth over it. It will not enable real amends between you and P to come any sooner. I say "accept her apology" and leave it at that. You don't have to become best buddies or anything, but sometimes it is better to just take the high road so you can move on. You will work it out. {{{HUGS}}}} 
25 Aug 11 by member: HealthyBabs
Well everyone has said it but DON'T put up with any ones abuse for any reason, you are worth more than that. But I think you need time, also make ground rules. Your P will understand, if you say it with love.  
25 Aug 11 by member: Yvonne19


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