HerStrawberri's Journal, 12 August 2011

312. 13 more lbs to go. I CAN do this the healhty way. I have come this far eating and I will continue to eat. Starvation is NOT the way to lose weight. I will get below 300 when I'm supossed too. I WILL get below 300.

Things I have been telling myself. I'm struggling really bad this week fs buddies. Really bad. NOT with wanting masive amounts of bad food. With NOt wanting to eat anything at all. I'm officially obsessed with getting below 300. This is where I always get into trouble when I lose weight. I get obsessed with a # and it's goes downhill and into 'starvation time'. I'm trying so hard to NOt go there. I do NOt want to sabotage all my hard work. I feel so good with my progress and my WOE. I don't know why i get this way. I honestly sit and do my food diary obsessively. Adding and subtracting. Trying to get in as much food as possible for less cals. I'm approaching the 'crazy' end of the pool and I don't know how to swim back. I'm admitting this to myself and to you because I NEED to be accountable. My P doesn't know. She thinks I'm doing great and I'm a shiny happy people. I'm not. My mind is a scary place sometimes. =(

I'm getting mad at people for telling me to eat more. I'm justifying eating less with stupid reasons. ::sigh:: I'm scared.

I have to make myself eat at least 1300 cals. I just HAVE too.

I'm 'coming out of the closet'. the starvation closet that is. =)

Maybe if I admit this to myself out loud and to all of you, it will make a difference. ???

Diet Calendar Entries for 12 August 2011:
1609 kcal Fat: 82.26g | Prot: 105.54g | Carb: 132.96g.   Breakfast: Large Grade A Eggs, Turkey Sausage Patties, IMPRL DELIGHT QTRS. Lunch: Chicken Breast, IMPRL DELIGHT QTRS. Dinner: Italian Beef Sandwich, french fries. Snacks/Other: Zingers - Iced Devil's Food Cake with Creamy Filling. more...
3447 kcal Activities & Exercise: Resting - 16 hours, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...


I've been there and it isn't a happy place. The thing you have to remind yourself is by eating less you're actually going to sabatoge yourself. You need to fight! Fight yourself, fight the fat, fight the scale, fight the stupid people that are annoying you. Do this by fighting with your butt and going for a walk, do some crunches in the living room, get some free weights, get a workout video, burn fat and build muscle so later on down the road you'll burn the weight away faster than before. Know that if you don't eat your getting rid of the muscle that is going to help you in the long run. Personally I argue with my butt all the time. lol It seems to help so long as no one sees you do it. 
12 Aug 11 by member: liltatgirl
I think you should swing the other way and obsess about exercise! You can eat a ton more when you exercise! You can focus on upping your exercise to give yourself "permission" to eat more. It's what has lead me to be successful - I'm starting to love exercise (I know it's weird, but I'm adapting to the thought). And the other thing is that maybe you need to set a minimum number that you have to eat - and meet that, rather than setting a maximum - 1,300 is low, but if it is what will help get you out of the slump, go for it girl! When all else fails, grab some chicken wings! LOL 
12 Aug 11 by member: BrandyRelaxing
How exciting it will be for you when the damn scale says 299!!!!! Don't be so hard on yourself, this is not easy. You are so close, anyone would feel the same way. I find that shifting calorie intake works for me. Some days you want to eat less, and you will lose. And then if you keep eating too little, you will stop losing. I shift my calories. I will eat 1100-1200 for a couple days, and then I will eat 1300-1500 for a couple days. That seems to work for me. As long as you keep eating healthy foods, and make good decisions you will get there in no time. It may seem far away, but if you stick to it, you will reach your goal and look back and say "that was easy." 
12 Aug 11 by member: serafano
you can do this - you know it! thanks for being so honest - we're all here to help. you need to find another activity to keep you busy instead of sitting on fs. keep the food healthy - you'll be there in no time :) 
12 Aug 11 by member: sophie99
I know exactly how you feel. I hate food and really don't want to have anything to do with it. My caloric intake has fallen drastically due to not eating. I have been sitting at the hospital with my MIL who had a massive stroke and because I am not hungry, I have not eaten. This is a stupid excuse. I have to figure out that eating is good for my body. I need to obsess about eating the right foods in the right quantities. You and I BOTH need to start doing this. We need to obsess over planning our meals not tracking them. If we do that, we will succeed. I turned over a new leaf yesterday afternoon after I asked for help. I am about to fix myself an egg salad for breakfast. that is a big step for me. Anyway, the bottom line is that asking for help is a good thing. You can do this - just be dillagent about what you are doing and follow the plan. If you get the 12 to 15 carbs in from veggies, you will be fine. For me at least, that is the key and that is the change I am making until I go on the road again. I should know if it has worked for me by the 21st. If I have lost a pound or more by then, I will be even more motivated to eat my veggies. I am going to do this for my health and the weight loss is just an extraneous motivator :) These are the things i am telling myself. Join me! 
12 Aug 11 by member: esimnons
I know you're scared, I knew it yesterday by your journal. ;) I can empathize with you but not enable you. I think you know what I mean. You have to know that you will be OK and things are mostly become desperate when you build them up to be. Relax, refocus, adjust and see what happens. You've put a lot of pressure on yourself, time to take a bit off. ;)  
12 Aug 11 by member: nolechick
I know what you mean, I went through not wanting to eat a few weeks ago, just didn't fancy anything, I was bored with all my meals. It was a struggle but I did come through the other side, that is why you are on here, we are all behind you, we will be checking in on you. You will be in the 200's and then counting down the next 10lbs moving well away from that 300# But you do know you have to do it the healthy way.  
12 Aug 11 by member: Yvonne19
Thank you everyone.  
12 Aug 11 by member: HerStrawberri


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