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Feel.Deal.Heal. Last night I was watching 'Lockup' with my P and this girl on there said her counsler said that to her. Feel.Deal.Heal. I thought it was so great. So simple. So many of us don't FEEL, so we turn to food to help with the dealing...then obviously there isn't any healing. So i thought back through my thirty ::cough cough:: something years and tried to remember when I honestly delt with something in a healhty way. Couldn't remember a time, except for now. Very sad. But that's ok. I'm changing it NOW. I'm very proud of that. My P and I were also talking about my 'diet' and she commented on how it doesn't look like it's that hard for me anymore. So i thought about THAT, and realized that except for the first weekish...it has never really been HARD. The food aspect of it anyway. I have issues with eating ENOUGH not with eating to much. I don't want bread or pasta. I mean, obviously I want them if I see them or smell them...but on a day to day basis.....i don't WANT them. i don't want anything that is going to mess up my progress or my way of eating. Most of my issues have been with my depression and my anxiety...NOT my food. But i feel I'm really getting a handle on those as well. I've decided to NOt refill my anxiety meds. They weren't something I needed to take every day. I basically used them to help me sleep at night anyway. But I'm going to try it without them. I haven't taken one for actual anxiety in over a month. maybe I'm jumping the gun a little...but i really need to learn how to deal with my crap head on. Besides, i HATE taking meds. The only thing I'm taking is HBP meds and THAT is on the way down as well. My last few readings were almost normal. It's WAY down from what it was 3 months ago. Our BP machine stores my readings and looking back at them was really scary. It was so high. Scary.
I just want to yell from the rooftops I'm so freaking happy about my progress. I was in the deepest depression hole imaginable and here I am almost 60 lbs lighter, getting ready to go to school, actually being PROUD of myself. Don't get me wrong, it hasn't been EASY. I still have bad days. I still have days I just want to lay in bed and sometimes I do. BUT. It's NOt every day and I WANT to get up every morning. I couldn't say that before. When you are in that hole, you feel so...alone, sad, hurt, so many things actually. Those feelings don't take over as much. When they TRY, I usually come on this site and read journals or write one myself. I'm so thankful everyday I decided to use the fatsecret app on my phone. That day, for me, saved my life. I know I have said that many times...but it's something I'm NOT ashamed to say so I will say it as many times I want. =) This IS my journal. =)
I still have lots to work on. Exercise is a big one. Getting over my anxiety with people. Really LOVING myself. But every day it's easier. I'm way more active then I have been in over a year and THAT feels good. I dance around my kitchen when I'm doing the dishes, I'm walking all around, going up and down the stairs....baby steps. I will get there.
I made my journal public again because I want others who may be feeling what I felt/am feeling to know they aren't alone and that YES THEY CAN DO IT. People need encouragement and positive reinforcment. They need someone to listen and really understand what they are going through. Everyone has private struggles and sometimes it's hard to reach out. It was very hard for me. But I did and it made all the difference. i want to be able to help others who may be in the same boat.
yes this journal was long and thank you for anyone who took the time to read it. I don't have anyone in my life that I can REALLY talk to about these things...so my journal is sorta my BFF right now. So it may sound redundant sometimes...but it's what I NEED to HEAL myself.
Diet Calendar Entries for 26 July 2011:
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1475 kcal
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Fat: 89.38g | Prot: 125.44g | Carb: 47.24g.
Breakfast: IMPRL DELIGHT QTRS, Medium Eggs, Turkey Sausage Patties. Lunch: Ground Beef Sirloin, Mayonnaise, Heinz Ketchup. Dinner: Ground Beef Sirloin, taco cheese, sour cream, cottage cheese. Snacks/Other: Slim-a-Bear No Sugar Added Bars - Krunch, day break apple crisp bar. more...
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3514 kcal
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Activities & Exercise:
Resting - 16 hours, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...
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 Comments
I wish I had more time to comment but I'll make it short & sweet: it's a huge deal to come to the realization that successful weight loss is not about food. The overeating or undereating that made us fat was only a symptom of other stuff. Getting to the bottom of that other stuff is the key to getting & keeping that weight off. And that's not an overnight process. All we can do it START, then plug away at those underlying issues. Sometimes we have to take it one day, hour or minute at a time, but as long as we're still working at it, it will continue to get better. Sometimes progress is so slow that you don't even realize it's progress until you compare it to a month ago...but that's still progress. Other times, like today, you realize you have successfully made some difficult but positive changes in your life, & that gives you the confidence & motivation to tackle the next thing. Congrats woman, this is what it's all about!!!
26 Jul 11 by member: kstubblefield
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Thank you so much Kat! YOU have been a big influence on me. Reading your journals and your responses to people has really helped me in my journey. Thank YOU for being such a postive force on this site!=)
26 Jul 11 by member: HerStrawberri
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I'm so glad you put that app on your phone, too!!! Big changes are following you through every day! Just think about how far and how much you've done, and come, and have already accomplished! Sometimes you really do have to close your eyes, and just let yourself smile and be proud! One day you will look back on this time in your life as the biggest most powerful turning point! Dancing around in the kitchen :) One of my fav's!!! Crank the music and go for it!!! You're doing such a fantastic thing for yourself. I'm just letting you know... I'm listening... and love ya much!
26 Jul 11 by member: jsfantome
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Thank you Paula! It means alot to me that you said you are listening. =) YOU write some of the most insirational journals and when i feel down, I almost always look to see if you posted something. I'm so happy your one of my buddies!
26 Jul 11 by member: HerStrawberri
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I am listening too. I did not get on the site yesterday and therefore was not hear to tell you congratulations on the loss :) I am glad to be here today though because I love this entry! Weight loss is no longer my goal thanks to this site and to a little self-realization. It sounds as if you are in the same place. the goal is self-improvement and every little pound shed is hopefully a physical manifestation of that improvement. Your doing great! I thank you for helping me by putting these thoughts to 'paper'. We each help each other daily. Have a wonderful day.
26 Jul 11 by member: esimnons
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Dawn.. have you read some of my journals??? My journal is often my BFF... my BFF irl is trying to lose weight and quite honestly I could talk to her but then it becomes a competition and I am just not up for that kind of thing... I would LOVE to make my journal public but a while back someone IRL was reading it and using the stuff I said against me or to make fun of me.. I am not sure I can handle it just yet.. You have made amazing progress (not just the weight loss) since you started, and it is nice to see!!
26 Jul 11 by member: pixidaisy
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Just fantastic Dawn! I think for any of us that have read your journals throughout the past few weeks or more ( I lose track of time ) have seen such a change in you and your positivity. So, so, SO happy for you and can't wait to see where this journey takes you!
26 Jul 11 by member: NoChubbyMom
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You sound like your making great progress. Usually I just lurk and read journals and don't comment because really I have no idea what to say. You're inspiring though!
26 Jul 11 by member: liltatgirl
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I too would dance in the kitchen with you,a big hug from me too,I am so proud of your spirit,you inspire a lot of us! Maybe you will end up teaching at a clinic someday about weight loss,you will prove it's possible to do it.!!
26 Jul 11 by member: 83JEN
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Great reading and thanks for sharing.
It is good to see someone put down in writing what I may be thinking.
26 Jul 11 by member: caterpillar52
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Great post, Dawn. congratulations on all of it.
26 Jul 11 by member: Helewis
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Thank you so much everyone! I appreciate all of you so much!
27 Jul 11 by member: HerStrawberri
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I am so happy you sent me a buddy request! I have journaled extensively about my battles with depression and how I have chased it far away with its tail tucked between its legs. A large amount of weight to lose is not for the faint of heart, so in that aspect you are Superwoman! I know, I have been in that over 300 group, never will be seen again. You keep up this can-do attitude, coupled with giving yourself the love and respect you deserve and you can do nothing BUT succeed. Just one suggestion... stay on the pills, at least for now. I made that mistake too many times and it did not serve me well. God bless and you go girl!!!
27 Jul 11 by member: AuntieJan
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28 Jul 11 by member: Wicked Step Monster
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