Jamaica4god's Journal, 19 March 2011

Getting back on track this week. Still feeling pretty run down from the mito. A lot of weakness in big muscles right now. My daughter has an appointment with a neuromuscular doctor next week. If she has an idea of what's going on with her it will help my doctors clue in with a final diagnosis for me. I keep having dreams that I am a patient of Dr. House (yes, as in the TV show) and every time I have the dream he gives me a different diagnosis. Grr. Then I wake up disappointed knowing that it wasn't real. Hahahaha. Maybe I shouldn't watch that show... There are so many different types of metabolic disorders and none of my docs have wanted to blindly start testing for them because of the cost of genetic testing. Blah Blah Blah...

So, I can get my hopes up that maybe this new doc for my daughter will have some clue as to what's going on, or I can go in with the ever looming thought that this will be just like every other appointment where we go in, I give them mine and her life story and we walk out with the same bull-snot as before, no closer to real answers.
But I can most certainly say that it is not happening because of my weight (that was my first doctor's answer in 2008 when I first started feeling really bad). I have lost 31 pounds and have the same symptoms and feel worse at times than I did 31 pounds ago, so no, so far it is not helping. It's helping me feel better about myself, but it is not helping my muscles not be as weak.... or my brain not be as foggy... or the insane amounts of pain and fatigue not keep me down... I know God has a plan for all of this. I am keeping the faith. I know He will work it all out and I will better understand it one day just like every other trial in my life, but I am getting pretty weary right now. I just want answers. Something to hold on to that will let me know that I am not crazy as I sometimes feel. I guess every person with an unusual or undiagnosed issue feels that way at some point (crazy that is).

Anyway, back to the weight loss journal... hahaha


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