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I honestly dont know if my eating has been better or worse for past week.
Some points that make it better:
1) I have had urges to binge, but have remained strong. Keeping a steady flow of food keeps me from going apeshit and eating everything in site. And I have practiced eating until I am full and nothing more!
2) It does feel good to be satisfied. Not stuffed, and not starving, but satisfied.
3) Calories per meal are up, and I dont feel like i am weak or dying between meals.
The Points that Make it Annoying:
1) I'm not as strict on calories so I am scared I will only lose 1 pound or less a week, which means I wont reach my goal until June or July. I get angry and frustrated over that. That is just too far away for me. It pisses me off.
2) I find myself obsessing over counting calories. Whenever i dont coach myself into 'letting it go' I stress about having a 'high' number of calories. I say 'high' with quotes because a "high calorie day" to me is ridiculous! About 1000 calories. And if i dare step over the line of 1200, into the 1300-1400 territory, I beat myself up!
Thoughts like this go through my head: "Oh my god, thats 1000 calories today! Yesterday you only ate 800! So you can do it again!!"
Or
"Fourteen-HUNDRED-Calories?!?! Are you serious!? What the hell did you eat today!?"
I never want anyone to think that I think this about you if you are eating 1400 a day. I am supposed to be consuming 1200-1400 calories a day to lose weight, and about 1800 to maintain, according to my BMR.
My logic says 1200-1400 calories is perfectly healthy and I need to stop beating myself up about it.
But for some reason, a part of me just cant snap out of this.
If i go back to eating the way I was, where i basically ate nothing but raw vegetables, cottage cheese, and turkey lunch meat, i'll only last for so long. I'll reach my goal faster, but I cant eat that way forever. I've done it in the past to lose weight quickly, but losing weight was easier back then...
Why? I really dont know.
I have tried to figure it out. I have tried to remember exactly what I was doing when I was 18 and it seemed like I was going through a pants size a week.
Maybe it was because I weighed so much to begin with?
Maybe it was because I was hardly eating any fat at all? I basically lived off carbs. I allowed myself unlimited fruit and veggies. I would eat a whole fruit bowl for breakfast. I didnt give a shit about calories, just how much fat was in whatever I was eating. I remember eating unlimited fat free bread with chicken broth for dinner A LOT.
I remember freaking out if i didnt have dinner by 7. If it 7:30, I would just go with out it until the next morning.
And I have tried to remember how it was before I started obsessing... Over this last summer, before I started journaling, measuring everything and counting calories, I remember drinking Odwalla protein smoothies with a banana as a treat, eating steamed vegetables and rice from panda express, eating a six inch sub and baked lays from subway, sneaking tid-bits of hot albertsons french bread from the bag on the way home, having california rolls, Safeway bagels with a whole bottle of naked juice's cherry pomegranate power.... doing little things like that, and STILL losing weight every week.
I never measured things. I ate until I was full. Who the hell knows how many calories I took in a day?
And now, I would only dream of eating those things in a 200-250 calorie portion. So forget the six-inch sub- thats 280 right there, without even touching the baked chips. And goodbye steamed rice and veggies! The rice alone is 380 calories. Oh, and the safeway bagel and naked juice? Hell no! 590 calories!
Now...
I do care about how many calories are in something.
I do care about how many carbs everything has, because I want to balance my protein and carbs as a 2-1 ratio as much as possible.
Its as if eating is just a chore.
Balance, Balance, Balance so I can stay inside the lines, follow the rules, and the lower the number of calories, the more i feel like i deserve a trophy. Pfftt!
In a way, I am more strict now then I was back then and ironically I eat more of a variety.
Will someone please tell me to just stop driving myself crazy over this?
I seriously wanted to cry in the supermarket today because it was 8:30, and I was starving, but I started thinking,
"Its too late to go home and eat, now. I'll just have to eat breakfast tomorrow. So this means, I have to stay up and cook, do laundry, take out the trash, and take a shower, all while feeling totally empty and having this huge hunger migraine, but thats just too effing bad! those extra calories are going to prevent you from losing weight."
I did eat when I got home... and after dinner, i thought about how weak i was.
Yet dinner was only 200-something calories, and I think I had a total of 1100-something for the day.
so, like I said, can someone please just tell this half of me to snap out of it and relax?
I am sick of being stressed out about losing weight. Its preventing me from actually losing the weight and keeping it off.
Diet Calendar Entries for 09 March 2009:
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1773 kcal
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Fat: 38.00g | Prot: 79.44g | Carb: 289.95g.
Breakfast: cottage cheese, thomas' whole wheat english muffin, mango. Lunch: banana, simply fruit, better'n butter. Dinner: diced tomatoes, sweet butter blend, carrots, refried beans, ground chicken. Snacks/Other: milk, jennie-o turkey ham, banana, banana nut cereal. more...
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2081 kcal
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Activities & Exercise:
Walking (exercise) - 3.5/mph - 20 minutes, Calisthenics (light, e.g. home exercise) - 10 minutes, Housework - 30 minutes, Desk Work - 3 hours, Resting - 12 hours, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...
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 Comments
You need to quit beating yourself up about it. If you didn't want to feel guilty about eating so late, maybe you could've had some fruit or a bowl of all-bran cereal? Shoot, my daily calorie limit right now is 1603. I'm supposed to stay below that. I feel bad when I barely hit 1100.
09 Mar 09 by member: MOM2JEM
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here is the thing girly, if your body says it is hungry and you DON'T feed it, that is just about as bad as over eating. Why? Because your body cannot function without fuel. Without fuel, everything stops, so when you give it fuel again, it takes a little while to get that metabolism going again. During that start up time, everything you ate is going toward fat, not burning because your body has shut down and can't burn calories properly until it gets revved up again.
Think of it this way. Rain falls in the rain forest, the water is immediately soaked up by the ground because it is used to it and open to using it immediately. Rain falls in the desert, the water stays on the surface and quite a bit runs off and is lost because the ground isn't ready to accept it yet. It has to get moistened on the top layer before it can suck it in and use it in the bottom layer. The difference with us though is that there is no where for the calories our body isn't using to go to except for fat. So that "run off" is just adding inches to your waistline.
Now that I have rambled incessantly, what is the point of this? Do not starve yourself at night just because it is late. If you are hungry, you MUST eat something. Make it something small if you feel you need to, but you must eat something or your metabolism will dry out between "dinner" and "breakfast" the next morning.
09 Mar 09 by member: munestar32
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What about eating a big brekkie, loadsa carbs, fruit, juice, toast etc ... and letting that sustain you until lunch... Then eating a healthy lunch with less carbs, then having steamed fish and salad at night? ( i.e no Carbs)
You will still be getting the energy your body needs, but will have used a lot of the calories up by bed time.
Snack snack snack... graze on nuts, cherry toms and fruit. Don't NOT eat... it's so dangerous... xxx
Join my Challenge - Slimmer 4 Summer - for a healthy way to get where you want to be xx
09 Mar 09 by member: misspiggy84
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SNAP OUT OF IT! Girl, you are honestly kind of freaking out. I've been there, I have been a little too. But honestly, you're not eating ENOUGH to lose weight right now. Your body is trying to hang on to that weight because it thinks that it's starving. Try eating about 1400-1500 per day and keep up with your exercise and see where you go after a week or two. If eating 1400-1500 doesn't create the deficit you want it to, work out more, or harder. You can get through this. Don't let it break you down.
09 Mar 09 by member: Starladesiree
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Darling...it's Monday. We just lost a whole hour of sleep to some crazy vaccuum of time. And did I mention it's Monday?
Journalling your food is fine...I stop and think about what I'm going to eat and if I'm going to be embarrased to read later that I ate an entire cake, well, I'm not going to eat that cake.
However, obessessing might be taking you away from the great path you were on.
Continue to track, but don't stress. I've found not eating what I'm really in the mood for just makes me cranky and crazy.
Enjoy what you DO eat and you'll be less likely to want to go insane.
Did I mention that it's Monday? Mondays make people crazy in general. Things will look way more awesome tomorrow!
09 Mar 09 by member: AlgaeGirl
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Every time you deny yourself food when your body needs it you lower your metabolism. This is one reason you may have lost faster in the past and are not doing so now. You have seen what does not work for you. You know what does. Numbers seem to be your worst enemy right now. I truly hope you can put numbers aside, whether they be the scale, the calories or the dates you have set into stone.
09 Mar 09 by member: dawn0001
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Your buddies here have given you some excellent input. I want to tell you that I feel your pain and anguish!! Sometimes what we do with our food is simply a symptom of other things. I wonder what those might be for you. I sure know what they are for me.
PLEASE STOP FREAKING OUT!!! You have accomplished so much from the "morbidly obese" teenager whose doctor told her she was the only teen he ever saw that qualified for a gastric by-pass or lap-band surgery. There isn't one "perfect" diet for any one person. I've tried many, lost weight on almost all of them, only to gain it back because I never figured out how to eat and maintain ... I only figured out how to lose, or in other words "diet."
I do so agree with so many others who have told you EAT WHEN YOU ARE PHYSICALLY HUNGRY. Don't starve yourself simply to meet a caloric expectation. It will, and may already be backfiring on you.
And ... I hope AlgaeGirl is right ... perhaps it is just a really horrid Monday and the change of time that is making you feel crazy!! Take some DEEP breathes, listen to the helpful inner voice, not the one who says bad things about you, and center yourself. And know ... we are all here for you!!
09 Mar 09 by member: madaboutmoose
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