kmunson's Journal, 11 November 2013

I am so sorry. I have gone through the same type of challenge but I had my dad with me while he recorded from his first stroke and then he passed very quickly after his second. It was three years of love, turmoil, frustration, laughter. I broke down this afternoon because hospice called me to see how I was doing. I would not have given up a second of the time I had with my dad and I will miss him daily. I hope you can spend a great deal of time with your dad, love and cherish that time. It will get better, at least that is what I have been told. I am still grieving and would take my dad back no matter what his condition, but, God knew better and dad is I with my mom and brother. Stay as strong as you can, ask for help and know that you have my prayers. If I were near you I would wrap my arms around you and let you know that you will never be alone. You have a supportive family so call the kids and your hubby together and hold on to your father for as long as you can. God bless you in this time. 

Very sorry to hear that K, I will be praying for you 

I will be keeping your family in my prayers. It is hard I have lost both my parents and it is very hard.  

I am so sorry K. But try to take heart... you never know what is around the corner. I have a grandmother that is 94. She broke her back Christmas day, had a stroke and almost passed away. She had home health care for about 8 months. I really felt death hanging around. But K, she beat it. She is doing great. She is feeling much better and is so much stronger that it is shocking. I know that someday death will take her. I will not be ready. But in my heart I know that what happens is what is meant to happen and we are always strong enough to take it. You and your family will be in my prayers. 

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. I am going to go see him today. I know it will be hard. I have avoided going to the nursing home the last few years because he has dementia and doesn't always know me. My sister who is his legal power of attorney told me that she can barely stand it anymore. He is lost to us...but still here. Since this weekend he stares out into space and barely acknowledges the staff. I am thinking it won't be long. He just turned 91 in October. He had his first heart attack when he was about 38 years old (two years before I was born). When I was in second grade he was working in a feed mill at night. A stack of 50# animal feed bags fell off pallets as he was walking by and buried him up to his neck. He pulled himself out of the feed bags and damaged his back...but there were more bags in danger of falling and he thought he was going to be buried alive. A few years ago he had a stroke at the base of his brain that kills 99% of people that have this. He survived that stroke with no visible side affects. I think he has used up at least 9 lives over the years.  

He sounds like a tough fellow. I can't imagine how hard it is to deal with dementia. As you said, you lose them but they are still here. Again, you and your family are in my prayers. 

Stay strong, my dad was also in the beginning stages of dementia. He would call me Mary all the time, being Catholic we said the rosary daily and that is where the Mary came from. He even made a pass at me thinking I was my mom, explaining the one to him was interesting. He kept saying I was his, and I kept saying I was his yes, but his daughter. Funny thing the aging mind. I will laugh about that one for a long time. First time in over 20 years someone showed some interesting me and it is my father, still laughing about that one!!! Miss dad so very much it has been a month since he passed and I guess it is getting better. Please know how much I am praying for you and your family. I think about you several times a day and hope that you are doing OK. God bless you and your family. 

Please keep us informed.I will be praying for you and your dad. No matter how far ahead you know it is always hard letting go. 

Went to see him at the nursing home today. He of course did not realize it was me...but he was able to verbalize repeatedly that he was in a lot of pain. Now this confused me because my sister told me he was under comfort care...meaning they would keep him on pain meds...but not do things that would prolong his life. They told her that they would keep him pain free and that is not how I found him today. They had all kinds of excuses...but I am still furious that he was in pain at all. He seemed like the same old tough bird that he has always been. He asked me to get a different doctor or take him to the hospital. That was so hard... Before I left him he was resting a little. I had them get him an ice pack to numb the area in pain until the pain meds could kick in. Not what I expected and after being there today...he could hang on a while. My sister thought that he was almost there last Thursday. I don't know what to think any more. 

I know how frustrating it is when doctors and nurses arnt doing their job. It seems like it always has to be a fight every step of the way. I pray for your fathers comfort and your strength in this difficult time.  

Have you and your sister checked into a hospice? The hospice my father and I used for my mom and then I used for my father were great. My father was never in any pain and his care was exceptional. Dad was actually under hospice care twice once after the first stroke, it was the hospice doctor that would come to my house that finally gave him a medication that finally sparked his desire to live, he began to eat and take an interest in his life, we even started going back to church. He survived 3 more years, until the second stroke. Again hospice was wonderful this time he went into a facility close to home and he never Was aware of much but if he showed any sign of pain the nurse was in the room with a pain med. I know his passing was made in peace and comfort. I hope you live in a community where a hospice is available and I hope you and your family are able find a situation that will ease not only your dad's pain but also can give your family direction. Please know that you are in my prayers and that I care. 

They have him on Oxi codone and Oxi something else. They have told my sister that he will be constantly on something from now on. DeeGee...the care he is on is a step away from Hospice. He is a nursing home resident. He has been for years. They will keep him comfortable...but he will never go back to the hospital again. He will die in the nursing home at some point. I have no idea how soon. The way it sounded on Monday it could be any day...after seeing him...I think it could be a while. I think when I found him in pain it was an embarrasment to the facility. They knew that we knew that they had not been caring for him as they should have been. I think it will be better from here on out. 

I am so happy that you caught them and they know that the lack of attention and regard for medical orders is not acceptable. Your peace of mind will be restored and that is a very important thing for your family to cope with this process. Knowing that your father is free of pain and comfortable is that one BIG thing that you no longer have to think about and concern your selves with. God bless you. You are in my daily prayers. 

From years of working in the medical field I know that when you put someone in a nursing home it is better to do it close to home. Check on them frequently and not always the same time or day. They know to look for the routine visits and will be ready for them. It is sad but it is a fact. 

That is why I am the wildcard Tonya. I never know when I am going to see him. I was working in the area and stopped because I was driving by. I hit right after a shift change. Today I was back in town with my boss. He asked if I wanted to stop again. This would have been at 10 am this morning. I politely told him I would go this weekend. Maybe I should have stopped.