davidsprincess's Journal, 23 January 2020

Don't feel like the gym today. I tried. My workout lasted as long as the drive here. 20 minutes. Maybe because no one is here but the geriatric crowd and fat Joey. Maybe because I lost my red water bottle. Maybe because I didn't take Sunday off like I promised myself because I wanted to go. But my real fear from being morbidly obese is - what if that's it? What if I never, ever get the desire to go again? What if this is the first day of losing all motivation? And I feel the same way on days I'm hungry and eat more than I'm "supposed" to. What if this is the start of a binge and I regain it all? What if I'm not feeling super hungry and I just want an excuse to eat? This happens at least one time a month and I've been at this for a little while now. That should help me feel a little more at ease...but I still have that fear. Maybe that's a good thing. Maybe when that goes, it all goes.

Diet Calendar Entries for 23 January 2020:
2409 kcal Fat: 78.24g | Prot: 129.63g | Carb: 334.14g.   Breakfast: Equate High Performance Protein Shake - Chocolate, Lender's Plain Bagels, Philadelphia Regular Cream Cheese, Master Choice Maple & Brown Sugar Instant Oatmeal. Lunch: Grapes, Granny Smith Apples, Great Value Pineapple Chunks, Butterscotch or Caramel Topping, Ole Extreme Wellness High Fiber Low Carb Tortillas, Carl Buddig Corned Beef, Great Value Pepper Jack Cheese Slice, Trader Joe's 4% Cottage Cheese, Oreo Oreo Thins. Dinner: Kirkland Signature Boneless Skinless Chicken Thighs, Chillycow Mocha Espresso Swirl, Great Value Peanut Butter, Snyder's of Hanover Mini Pretzels, Cauliflower . Snacks/Other: Trader Joe's Jumbo Cinnamon Sweet Roll with Vanilla Icing, Lay's Oven Baked Original (Package), Blue Diamond Bold Salt 'n Vinegar Almonds, Great Value Saltine Crackers, Trader Joe's 4% Cottage Cheese, Haribo Twin Snakes. more...
2168 kcal Activities & Exercise: Weight Training (moderate) - 15 minutes, Resting - 15 hours and 45 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...

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This one's for the ladies who struggle with weight loss and self esteem and the everyday struggles that you face as a mom as a wife and the stuff that the world throws at you everyday. You deserve your time you deserve time to make you better you deserve to be fit. The below words are not mine but borrowed from a fitness group I belong to. You remember them for they are for you. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Your body is made of the same elements that lionesses are built from. Three quarters of you is the same kind of water that beats rocks to rubble, wears stones away. Your DNA translates into the same twenty amino acids that wolf genes code for. When you look in the mirror and feel weak, remember, the air you breathe in fuels forest fires capable of destroying everything they touch. On the days you feel ugly, remember: diamonds are only carbon. By Yvonnchen Von Darmstadt  
23 Jan 20 by member: designwebs
I think the fact that you are asking yourself the questions is good. You are thinking about it. When I am in the "gaining weight mode" it's when I'm not thinking about it. It's when I've given myself the go-ahead to just eat whatever I want until my clothes are too tight and then I get serious again. Hope that never happens again. I am going through the same kind of thing as you today. But I'm thinking about it and will do better tomorrow. I am sure you will too. 
23 Jan 20 by member: Fritzy 22
I have those days and those fears as well some times. But at least if I am rationalizing it like that, I am not actually falling back into my old ways. So I prefer to think it is self preservation. Maybe my DNA is closer to lemurs than lionesses. Hope your day turn out great.  
23 Jan 20 by member: liv001
Pms’ing? Yes? No? Maybe so! 😛 You won’t go back. I’d be shocked. I have those feelings too. Some days I want to give up all the weighing and measuring and counting but I see here all too often that those are the people who regain. I never ever ever want to be where I was so whatever it takes!!!! I’m determined and disciplined!!!! 
23 Jan 20 by member: wifey9707
Motivation is fickle. Is like sugar rushes: it comes and goes and needs to be recharged and then there are crashes... besides enjoying the gym and WANTING to go, the fear can also be a good motivator. The fact is that you've got goals; to achieve them, you'll need to move beyond motivation sometimes and kick in the determination/discipline - the things that say, "I don't care how I feel about it - i've still gotta do it because it's what needs to be done." You're fine, dude. This isn't the beginning of the end lol... you worry too much 😜❤ (I hope that's a chicken emoji 🤣) 
23 Jan 20 by member: chrisw77
It will pass, yesterday I wanted to eat alllll the foods. I watched tons of weight loss videos.. the ones where they lose 100+ pounds for motivation. They all went through the same but held on. I felt better, I’m back on track and I didn’t eat any unhealthy food but god damn it was HARD!!! Good luck!! U can do it 
23 Jan 20 by member: wolfelikeme
What if you're a bad b^tch who would never allow herself to throw away a life-changing 62# loss? Let's go! #mindset 
23 Jan 20 by member: jimmiepop
You are still logging. I think you will be fine! It helps to get that extra motivational push to see "the hard numbers" (the reason why I am here after 3 years not logging, I can't ignore them this way!) Maybe you can buddy up with someone to go to the gym, to help each other to go when you are not in the mood? Also, like Wifey, your comment "once per month" let me to believe it might be related to PMS maybe.  
23 Jan 20 by member: silkian
Fritzy and Liv... That's kinda my thought. Wifey - nope- not until the 9th by my count but it does get wonky as I get older. Chris - I totally understand going when you are motivated or not. That's at least once a week but I push through, get going, turn my music on -this was not that. Silkien - I prefer to lift by myself. I go with my husband often but we do our own things and I'm not necessarily more apt to go if he does. Maybe sometimes. I don't mind missing a couple days a month but I am bothered by my complete lack of interest in it today. I'm gonna see if I want to go later when the heavy hitters are there. Way more motivating with competition, but we'll see how I feel. Thanks whoever else that I missed. I read it all but I can't go back on my phone without losing my response. I appreciate your support. 💪🏼❤️ 
23 Jan 20 by member: davidsprincess
*silkian sorry couldn't remember how it was spelled.  
23 Jan 20 by member: davidsprincess
DP it happens to me every once in a while. I strongly believe it’s you body saying it needs a rest day. Give yourself the time to recharge then jump right back in. Also, ditch the what if’s. Plan your workouts out and just make it happen. 
23 Jan 20 by member: Mike531
Yeah. I think you're right. I'm skip it today. Thanks, Mike.  
23 Jan 20 by member: davidsprincess
Also, you sleep like crap, so of course your body's gonna rebel and demand a break 😜  
23 Jan 20 by member: chrisw77
Not my fault all of fs is awake when I'm asleep and I miss out. But yeah...not a great sleeper sometimes.  
23 Jan 20 by member: davidsprincess
It’s ok to give yourself a break 😊 
23 Jan 20 by member: velvetee
The stars are aligned against us.⭐💫⭐ I too forced myself to go to gym today. B4 I left I had ever excuse in world! I was tired, I didn't like my gym outfit, I couldn't find my water bottle, ( it was in car..) and so on. I got there, there was a guy that was flexing n then checking out in the mirror who was watching him. That lightened my mood a bit..n then I made myself go thru the hour. After about 15 min the endorphins finally kicked in..don't worry about it being permanent, u might just need a break. Didn't u say u guys were going twice day?  
23 Jan 20 by member: Diana 1234
I’m a what off person too. I also have a fear that I’ll regain the weight if not careful. I always remind myself that if I start to gain I’ve lost if once and can do it again. I’ll just not go over 135 before I start losing again. I think we all have days where we just ‘don’t feel it’ for the gym. You’ll get back to it ;). 
23 Jan 20 by member: peeperjj
Remember when you started you said this is your last start over. Also remind yourself why its important for you to get your goal. Stay strong 💪🏻 #goalgetter  
23 Jan 20 by member: moopie321
Sadly Diana- I drove there with every intention of doing it- cold and sleeting, slick roads. Made it in and 20 minutes in said screw it. It just didn't come to me today. Some days I really want to be there- other days I'm indifferent but I get it done and still have an awesome workout- but today- nope. I didn't even realize I didn't want to be there or I would've just stayed home.  
23 Jan 20 by member: davidsprincess
No- I go 6 days a week and 2-3 days a week I go twice just to throw in some cardio. But- yeah- I've gone 24 times this month so I think Mike is right. I just get nervous. I was so super fat and unmotivated for so long that I am fearful it may happen again. :(  
23 Jan 20 by member: davidsprincess

     
 

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