davidsprincess's Journal, 20 January 2020

That sucks, Bella. I'm talking close friends not internet. I'm talking like this is your friend but you are too afraid to say something is bs. Fritzy...at Bible study, there were about 8 women around the table. One wipes her nose and unbeknownst to her, put a booger right on top of her nose. Being the good Christians we are, none of us said a word. 😂 Awkward! I should've passed her the kleenex box.  

Funny you posted this today. I just had coffee with my old personal trainer and now close friend. We don't live near each other anymore, but we can still have those close conversations after months of silence. She'd definitely tell me if I had a cliffhanger hanging off my nose, but with tact, something you don't always find on the interwebs. There's speaking truth with the intent of helping vs. speaking the truth to hurt someone or to feel better about yourself. I try to temper my words more these days. 

Gz is right. There's a difference in being honest and being hurtful and blunt. I think you can be honest while being supportive and polite. I don't think it's helpful to kowtow to someone's expectations if they're wrong, especially if they ask for your honest opinion. 

Amen sister. 

I personally give back what I get. And I am a person who if you pass on the street, I say hey unprovoked. But that’s just me. 

Ha ha DP! I’ve learned that in the moment it’s hard to know if what I say makes an impact, but usually later in the day or week, I know that it has. 

I've found that I've been more of a friend to "friends" then "friends" have been to me. Once it is revealed that the friendship is onesided, I breakaway. Genuine friendships weather the storms of life together and have no problem of talking things out. (Just my opinion) Be well. 

I think it’s funny how people act on here. Last summer, I had the impression that people wanted honest feedback, but more and more I think they just want encouragement. 🤷🏻‍♂️ 

So, boogers on my nose? Yes, dear heavens, yes please tell me. Boogers on my nose, food on my boobs, toilet paper stuck to my heels, yes. What happened w/my friend (not that you asked but here goes anyway) ... she's a doormat IMHO. If you were lighting her on fire she'd help you pour the gas. I'm of the personality that would be like, 'matches, really? you don't have a lighter??'. So one day after a particularly frustrating trip she tried to interfere with me dealing w/a situation where I felt customer service wasn't up to par. She tried to pull me away. I told her 'if you don't approve of me, walk away but never 'manage me' like that again.' So she told me I was too negative. So NOW (even tho we talked it out) I find myself withholding an opinion or reaction that occurs naturally. I censor myself with someone who claims to be a BFF. I'm probably more frustrated with myself over that than her. She could choose to hang or not. Okay.. what time is the next therapy session? 

Lol...thank you, Bella! I was dying to know but didn't want to ask. 😁  

Yes my size! I think so, too. L2E...I agree. People want support even on dumb shit. I try to just scroll on by because any truth isn't handled well. It's taken as someone being mean. 😢 But there is some crazy shit on here passed as truth. It's sad.  

I honestly have a hard time with this one...I'm pretty hard on myself and I can say that and honestly believe that but sometimes...I just want the encouragement. Sometimes I need someone to call bullshit but I call bullshit on myself so much that...I just need someone to say "Hey! Shut up! You are doing great! You've lost 100 pounds so shut your piehole!" I think my friend knows when to do which... LOL I'm not saying that I want a "yes man" I just don't always want someone telling me that the emperor isn't wearing any clothes...sometimes I need someone to believe me when I spout bullshit because I sure as shit don't believe it myself but maybe if someone else did...it might be true lol. So...if I can't speak my mind...you're right, it isn't friendship but hopefully I know that I can speak my mind and I am thoughtful enough to know when she wants the unvarnished truth and when she needs me to lie through my teeth and say I agree because she needs the validation. This makes me sound wishy-washy but...what can I say??? LOL 

I want people to be encouraging but, I don't want them to lie to me. I'm always interested in hearing other opinions as long as you're not outright mean & nasty to me. I'm careful what I say on social media cause I have had people attack me because I stated my opinion about something. These were people I didn't know at all on a FB page for an author I followed. I had discovered we went to Jr. High together, but didn't actually know each other. Sometimes, I do have an opinion on here FS but I don't say anything cause I don't know how that person will receive what I say. In personal relationships I value honesty. 

👍💜😊 

Yes you should be able to say something to a friend. Even ‘friends’ on here. Speak your mind! It’s refreshing! 

You shouldn’t have to censor yourself Bella! 

To answer your questions: Don't you think that your very truest friendships are the ones where you are able to tell someone the truth and even if there is offense taken, you move on and have a stronger friendship for it? Yes, of course, a true friend will not judge you, but point out your "you-might-have-to-work-on-this-girl!" blind spot because there is mutual trust in each other. Could you ever be friends with someone if you couldn't express what you really thought? No, because what is the point hanging out with someone when you can't be yourself! I could never follow someone blindly and just click and support or not speak my mind. I share this feeling. If someone irritates me, I need to be able to say something- if they're my friend.... Again, real friendship means being honest with each other and/or being there for each other. If you can't express your inner thoughts ... Otherwise people irritate me but I have no interest in pursuing a relationship so it doesn't matter. Exactly! I'm talking about when you are truly someone's friend. I just feel like that's the mark of a true, genuine friendship. Calling someone out on bull shit and moving past it. Yes, indeed! I call people friends who don't have any alternative motives. Friends who don't claim you all the time, are happy for you, you have many other friends, and are simply taking the time to spend with you and enjoying that time with you!  

Oh absolutely. One of my pet peeves is when someone is afraid to tell me I'm doing something wrong because they don't want to get me angry. What a cowardly way to be! And why would being corrected tick me off?! If I'm wrong, I want to change! I hate being wrong. Ok ok, I might be irritated at first, because I'm human. But if you're right, I'll see it (eventually), be grateful and try to change. I like people with some backbone, I guess. 

I wouldn't sugar coat. Just the amount of times someone is being honest in a negative way vs. Being honest in a poditive way should outweigh each other overall. I am told I am straightforward...but some ppl cannot discern between being straightforward vs.being petty. Many of the folks who value and preach "being real" in my real life...usually cannot handle criticism and make constantly pointing out faults habitual. They also have difficulty choosing battles. More times than anything...are naysayers who also are negative leaning in their speech about most things.  

Yeah I think I gave the impression somewhere that it occurs often. It's not a constant thing, In fact rather rare. It's not every time I talk to my best friends saying they did something wrong. But for example last time we met up in June I was going on about something and they said either move on from it and don't look back, or if you're going to stay then you need to drop it and not keep rehashing the same thing. That's all I mean. Just honesty and good advice and being told enough is enough....