Ms Elizabeth's Journal, 11 January 2019

Well I finally jumped on the scale this morning and I couldn't be happier. I lost a little over 2 lbs in 11 day. In the past I probably would have gotten mad at myself and declared some strange insane plan to lose more faster. This time I'm just plain proud of the lessons I'm learning and the weight loss is the frosting on top.

This past week hasn't been all rainbows, pixie poop, and unicorn farts. I had one day where I stuck my foot in my mouth trying to make light of something to someone who is special in my life and they said things that left me feeling like a big ol pile of manure. I was left feeling like they saw me as an insensitive, self involved a-hole, who is a waste of space and breath. Seriously though.. I'm someone who will try to make people feel better, I make light of things in an attempt to get people feel less overwhelmed, and everything I say comes from a place of love and caring so to see one sentance taken soooooooo badly shook me especially since this is someone who means so much to me. Did they always think I was an insensitive, self involved a-hole?? Granted asking that on a site where all I do is talk about me and my life is probably telling. The fact this person has not talked to me for several days now is probably also a sign.

How does this all relate to food and weight loss? Well that night I went home already feeling badly and the kids were like a title wave. Fighting, punching, asking for this and that and the other thing, the teenager had teenage angst over me wearing my own shoes that she wanted to wear, she also had a scheduling dilemia that resulted in me possibly kissing a sizeable amount of money to the wind, it was cold snowing and I had to be in it taking care of animals,... Next thing I knew I was face deep in 2 sugar cookies, a donut, some left over tenders, and then I over ate at dinner time and I think I growled at people. I'm not 100% sure but I'm pretty sure I growled at some point.

Something like this is where I would say well I screwed up!! Time to start all over because I'm a loser that can't stick to the plan where these things are off limit. I would get mad at myself. I would be disappointed in myself. And typically those feelings of I screwed up and I'm not worthy would last a few days until I could eat myself into another diet attempt. This time I'm not on a strict diet. I'm trying to eat healthy but nothing is off limits. I'm treating myself like I would a friend who was going through the same thing. I would tell her it's one stressful night. Put it behind you, try to learn from it, and move on. Everyone screws up sometimes. And.. I have learned from it.

I've learned I'm most likely to want to eat crap between 6 and 7. It's when I'm finally in the house trying to cook and the kids haven't seen me all day so I'm torn between burning another meal, putting the house together, and being asked by adorable tiny humans to do things for or with them. It's overwhelming! At the time where all I want to do is breath my day kicks it up about 5 knotches and suddenly I'm on a log flume, going backwards, being asked to do new math. So the next night I was mindful of this. I knew what was going on. I still ate a single cookie. I stopped eating when I was full. I made progress. That night I realized I CANNOT have soft sugar cookies with adorable heart spinkles on my counter or I will eat one.

It's baby steps but it's progress towards making changes I can live with for the rest of my life. And as a bonus.. I lost weight despite eating sugar and half a bagel, oh an a banana. I totally ate a banana and it did not kill me.

Wishing everyone a happy weekend and success in whatever plan you have picked.

Diet Calendar Entry for 11 January 2019:
2527 kcal Activities & Exercise: Fitbit - 24 hours. more...

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Comments 
You are doing great! 😀 your diet doesn't have to be perfect, eating a few cookies a week with moderation is better than nothing, because we all get tired of too restrictive ways of eating.  
11 Jan 19 by member: Keilin_4
Eat that banana! Well done on figuring out the triggers that make you want to dive face first into crap foods. Plan out snacks you can grab when you get home from work. I remember how stressful dinnertime was when I worked and had school kids at home waiting to pounce. It's real. It is stressful. I am very proud of you. Losing that 2 pounds is awesome! Well done! 
11 Jan 19 by member: Mom2Boxers
I went through that phase and the best thing I ever did was start serving breakfast for dinner: cereal with milk, and store-bought quiche, fruit. Hubby got toast with it if he was home. Good job losing weight and getting a new attitude! 
11 Jan 19 by member: abbadabba
youve got a great plan! good luck with it. a GREAT rop too. a nice even pace and it stays off. Working on the farm must work up quite the appetitite! do you make yougurt cheese and cream with your milk too? 
12 Jan 19 by member: cathcathu77
Plan a late afternoon snack before you leave work - like protein - and that may get you through the pre-dinner debacle. Works for me! 
12 Jan 19 by member: HCB

     
 

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