DairyFarmersWife's Journal, 27 November 2018

I've been struggling lately with eating. A lot of it is the holidays and the stress and all the yummy delicious foods that I'm surrounded by. Some of it is just me and the same struggle that I've been having for the last 4 years. It's been 4 years with little to no progress. A little up and a little down but the truth is it has been 4 years. I don't think I ever realized its been so long until I just wrote it. Holy crap does time fly by when you're too busy to stop and enjoy it. Or you're too overwhelmed by things that you're just stuck kinda like the puppy when it has peanut butter stuck on the roof of its mouth. It just keeps trying and trying and trying and eventually it gets through it while the other dogs watch it and think OMG WTF is wrong with you?? Do you need help?? We can totally help! No?? Well you suck.. then they sniff the puppies butt.

I'm tired of my weight keeping me stuck. I'm stuck not feeling great. It keeps me from doing things because I'm too self conscious. I don't do thinks for myself because I think I need to do X and this can be my reward. If I lose 10 lbs I will buy a purse that doesn't have a strap that's about to break. Seriously.. WTF is wrong with me? Why am I letting life pass me by with a janky purse strap wearing long bagging clothes to try and hide me? Why do I let food be my stress reliever? I'm kind of sick of my weight keeping me from living my life. I feel a midlife crisis brewing and I want to enjoy it dang it. I want to get a tattoo, questionable hippy clothes that will make people stare at me, and I want muscles. I'd love to be in the best shape of my life when I hit 40. The clock is ticking.

I want to make a bucket list. I have no clue what I will put on my bucket list but I want one. And I want to be able to put items on that list that knowing my weight won't stop me from doing them. Lets face it.. snorkeling in paradise would be more fun if I spend more time looking at the fish then myself in a swimsuit.

Anyways.. self,
I'm sick and tired of this crap. OMG WTF? Do you need help or do you want someone to sniff your butt?
Sincerely,
Me

PS.. Stop being a pathetic whiner and just do it already.

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Comments 
This is a safe place to let it all out. And sometimes we just have to. Give your self a treat. For sticking with it! 
27 Nov 18 by member: liv001
Love this! We are our own worst enemy. 
27 Nov 18 by member: momma6224
Been there, did that, have the fat clothes as souvenirs. Most of us have probably been there. Maybe switch to a diet plan that is easier to follow and treats aren't cheating? Or get involved in a face-to-face support group? Or a buddy who will support you? Or all three? I dunno. I made my girls a support group - dragged one sort of kicking and screaming but now she's a proper cheer leader. Hang in there though. I don't know why we do this, but I do know it can be overcome. You can do this! 
27 Nov 18 by member: LZenn
DFW, first let me say that it is nice to hear from You. Been wondering where/what You were up to. And secondly, You have just totally and completely described me. I think we are the same person (other than the 40 yrs part. I've got a few on ya). Hubby bought me a really cute red dress, my excuse for not wearing it? "It's a summer dress". I am determined to go someplace appropriate to wear it this summer...and look smashing! There's my first bucket list entry! Just know how much we enjoy Your journal entries. They are very entertaining. I'm sorry You are in a funk, but keep Your chin up. It will get better. I Promise. 
27 Nov 18 by member: gigiphilby
You wrote the beginning of your bucket list - while wondering what to put on your list. It is easy to be a dog on linoleum ...lots of activity and no movement - just sit where I am comfortable and not do anything different. You know what you need to do - set the first goal and get moving toward it. Life is a participation sport.  
27 Nov 18 by member: tahoebrun
Totally understand how you feel. I felt that was all though my 40's. When I was 49 it finally hit me "now or never". Only this provided me with DESPERATION that became my 'Motivation'. So 'Motivation' is key. I was SO DESPERATE that I was willing to fast. That of course works (simple math). For long term I switched to 'no solid food' during the week and I hit the gym hard. But, for me, it MUST start with 'Motivation'.  
27 Nov 18 by member: adefwebserver
I find the greatest motivator possible is to be able to add great things to a bucket list as opposed to you “kicking the bucket”, if you get my drift. 
27 Nov 18 by member: Kenna Morton
At least you still have your sense of humor (I think?) " then they sniff the puppies butt.".. that made me laugh. But seriously, just do you and when you are ready, the weight will come off and everything will fall into place. It took me YEARS to finally quit smoking but once I dedicated myself to it.. I got it done. In the meantime, do whatever makes you happy. Every day is another beginning. 
27 Nov 18 by member: jujuktz
It took me 12 years, and a diagnosis of Type 2 diabetes, to get motivated to lose weight. You will find your motivation. 
27 Nov 18 by member: gz9gjg
I wholeheartedly agree with you. It sucks. I've been doing this since 2011 and while every now and then I lose, for the most part I don't. I'm constantly stuck where I started despite the diets I do, the exercises, the gyms, the programs, the whole eating, clean eating, healthy eating, less eating, more eating plans. I've determined that it all has to be moderation. I'm still trying to loose but if I want to be able to eat what I want and drink what I want then I have to accept that this is how I'm going to look; especially if I'm not consistent with exercising. And I'm really not, I'm absolutely horrible about it. Exercising makes me miserable. I'll never understand those posts and pics of people all sweaty grinning like idiots saying how they just did 7 miles and isn't life grand!? Who the hell wants to run 7 miles just to do it?! Well not this lady! It really sucks and it's hard and it's hateful but we have to stop beating ourselves up about it. Judging from your entries, you are a kind, caring, funny, & compassionate wife, mother, co-worker, friend and all around decent human being. Keep that in mind and go buy that new purse. :-) 
28 Nov 18 by member: slsmitty
Don't Give up. it's a lifestyle change meaning everyday for the rest of your life make the choices necessary to achieve where you want to be. You can do this. Be healthy and do you. 
28 Nov 18 by member: eatolive4life
Getting sick and tired of "it" is one of the better motivators, at least initially. Write notes to yourself about how it feels now, to read when "it" is gone, to prevent relapse. 
28 Nov 18 by member: TomLong
Start with one habit that you don't like and fix that. My one for the holidays is to tell myself that I can always get more. So at a buffet or serving myself dinner, I take small portions, like 1/4 cup of whatever and half my plate is vegetables or salad. Then if I am really still hungry after I am done, I go back. But that is one step that helps me. Hang in there. I really don't want to have to sniff your butt though. 
28 Nov 18 by member: abbadabba
Have you thought about having your kids involved in losing the weight? They could be your Motivators!! 
28 Nov 18 by member: srossca
Sounds like you have reached that tipping point where you find yourself, your voice, and your own motivation. Congratulations! We are all here for you! You Can Do This! 
28 Nov 18 by member: kclab
Always a pleasure to read your writing. You’re on the right path. Keep writing. 💗 
04 Dec 18 by member: KayBuckaroo

     
 

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