kickingcarbs's Journal, 05 October 2018

Do not ever adopt a child just to “fill a void” created by not being able to have your own. That is a horrible reason. Being a parent is the hardest thing you will ever do, the least rewarding on any given day and the most rewarding on others. That cuddle, cute stage is short lived then it is hard work to help that little one grow, mature, make good decisions and become the best person they can be. Look around at some of the people here on this site who are fighting some childhood battles that are daunting— you have to up for the long hard uphill road. Think about it. If you think there is stress in your world now that contributes to overeating, binging, weight gain, depression, anxiety— you have not yet touched the tip of the iceburg.  

I'm hurting for you [hugs] 

I am so sorry for you 💔, I can't understand your pain because I have 3 kids myself , Kenna is right, being a parent amazing but it is also a hard work 🤯😰, my youngest one is over 3 years old and I still can not sleep good at night because of him, that causes me stress and all I want to do is eat.  

I've been through the infertility thing. It sucks. I get your pain. Yes, there is adoption, but there is something about carrying a child that is part of the parenting dream and it takes awhile to transition from one dream to the next. Being in pain all the time doesn't help. I hope you can get some relief from the endo, because my friends who have it say it's awful. One got extra skinny (sickly so) because the endo wrapped around her intestines; another is huge because she's in so much pain that she sits and eats to comfort herself. I hope there are medical helps for you, Kicking carbs, so that you can be released from the pain and embrace a new future. 

Yes, being a mother doesn't make you a better person. Please take care of yourself and try to stay strong !!! ❤❤❤ And as you said about your problems with your husband and family , kids doesn't fix marriage. 

I had the same and horrible cramps with the cycle, put me in bed if I did not have strong pain killers. They did a procedure some kind of lazer thing back in the day, this was decades ago. it helped with all the growths in there. Several years later knowing I could not get pregnant I got with child. I had stopped all birth control for a couple years and my current husband was up to the job. Talk to more specialist if you have growths about options to take care of that. first step. maybe you don't have the same as I did. but it was later in life that I was fertile. My son was conceived in my 30's. They tried to talk me into hormones for early menopause when I hit 30 and I told them how about getting off of hormones and see if that did not work. Needless to say early menopause went away and wa la, I had a child. there is always hope for these special moments.  

Huggs to you. I have stage 4 endometriosis, one good ovary that has a bad Fallopian tube to it and my prolactin levels are wack among my thyroids. I’ve had 3 surgeries to remove cysts. Ex hubby and I spent 10K and close to a year on fertility treatments. It was absolutely horrible. We decided to take a break and split a few years later (unrelated to infertility). I’ve had to learn how to live and cope with the void of not having children. I borrow kids. I have godsons. I have two cats. I’m single and 43. Had to make it work for me. But I still believe in miracles! You will work through it all at your space. I’m a firm believer that things happen for a reason but it may take years for you to see that. I’ve been there. It’s tough. Be kind to yourself. Love yourself. Take care of yourself. Anything is possible and miracles do happen!!! ❤️Keep the faith and continue believing  

I know so many adopted people you should think about adopting. Having a baby to call your own doesn't have to be grown in your body - there are many children out there who would love to be part of your family! 

A good friend of mine with PCOS struggled losing weight with several other health issues. I don't know if she also had endometriosis... Her doctor told her she couldn't have children. She's now at her healthiest, she's gone to school to be a certified personal trainer and is pregnant with her second child. She has a blog, nibbleanddash.com. Her name is Tiffany. I would love for you two to connect. 

Look into inositol. 

Many women have trouble conceiving because of obesity. You are doing well. Don’t give up. That being said, keep in mind the issues you dealt with just last week with your husband calling you names because of your weight. Weight gain is normal with pregnancy. Losing after the birth is an added challenge. I would work on that issue while trying to also deal with the timing and ability to conceive. The life of a single mom is not a piece of cake. 

You are a strong woman. You have lost over 100lbs! I can hardly lose 5lbs & am in awe of you for achieving what I find so daunting. And, having children is NOT all it is cracked up to be! Trust me on that.  

thank you everyone for your support. I just want to put it out there that I don't want to have kids to fill avoid. it's actually something I have always wanted to do and have saved up in case I was alone by the time my fertility window closed I could adopt or do a donor. husband or not whatever the future holds I do want to have children, whether i bare them or adopt them only the future can tell. i will love my children the same no matter if I'm a tummy mom or a heart mom. deep down it just hurts knowing the one thing I always dreamed of (creating life, and nurturing my own offspring) I may not be able to do hurts. but everything happens for a reason and thank you for allowing me to vent.  

I kind of know what your feeling, I have 2 children but my Step Mom whom I called Mom raised me since I was 3 years old always longed to have a child of her own. We used to talk about it a lot and the tears used to flow. They tried to adopt once but the new Mother changed her mind and kept the baby and my parents were so devastated they never tried to adopt again. If you continue to lose the weight and go through the process of eliminating the endometriosis you still have a chance. My daughter's best friend has endometriosis and yes it's very painful. I would say though before you start thinking about children put your self first. Your newly married and learning a lot about each other, marriage is the hardest thing I have ever done and I've been married for 33 years. I'm in agreement that things happen for a reason we just don't know what that reason is yet. Stay strong if it's meant to happen it will!