BostonQualifier's Journal, 18 July 2018

A short stroll in the park. Talk with people with dogs sort of came to mind. Other people too, that do some sort of hobby thing. They can tell a bit about their hobby, and maybe give you ideas if you may like it too. Just getting out a bit can do good. 

How tall are you? 90 lbs seems rather low.  

I’m 5’4” 

And honestly, I still think I'll be fat at 90 pounds... but it will be closer to not being fat anymore. 

Guidelines for your height are 132 to 108 depending on your frame. I'm not trying to be alarmist but I've seen a few people lately setting really unhealthy goals.  

Makes sense. I haven’t been letting people see my weight, but my doctor has expressed concern. Definitely something I’ll have to consider. But the psych and body image side of things is killer. I’m getting snowed by it. 

I wish you happiness.  

Out of curiosity do you just run or do you do weights and or yoga too?  

Your body type will also affect where your fat is stored. I carry my fat in my lower body so even after all the muscle I've gained, I still have big legs. But gaining muscle has helped me get rid of fat. I am 5'1", and I weight 152lbs, and I wear the same size as when I weighed 130lb and ran marathons. Eating healthy and feeling fit and happy every day helps me get over focusing too much on the scale.  

My coach had me focus a lot on strengthening my core so I have pretty much a flat stomach now (XS in shirts/tank tops) and can do strict chin-ups and pull-ups which I couldn't do as a runner. Building muscle has helped me finally get rid of pooch areas, but I had to get over my fear of being heavier. Muscle does weigh more than fat. 

Keep going 🤗 

Try doing some core workouts that should help tighten up the area that you are unhappy with. Don't think you need to lose weight but changing what that weights made up of. So a little healthy muscle for any last wobbly bits you're not happy with. That should keep your Dr happy too. And bonus points- muscle helps you burn more calories even at rest. Health and happiness :) 

I run and do core workouts, but not a lot of strength work. I probably should do more. I just want to be the mean lean 102 pound racer I was in high school. And now that I’m racing longer distances, being leaner than that will probably help some. It’s that careful balance between being extremely lean versus strong. 

By putting it out there that u feel that way took courage. U feel that way but we r here. This isn’t easy to do. The process. U r a miracle. Stay in that truth. U r valued. One itty bitty day at a time, u r getting thru this.  

Trying to turn back the clock might be why you're struggling. What's a healthy lean weigh for a 16 old girl and what's a healthy weight for that same girl once she's a 19+ year old woman aren't the same. That goal weight of 102lbs puts you badly underweight for your height. I've been the same height since I was 12, but I'd look really unhealthy at the same weight as I was then as I've got more...ahem...shape now :) If you're into racing can you focus more on your pbs and try to let the scales take care of themselves? 

I say add some resistance training and eat at maintenance for a while. Worry less about the scale and focus on your body taking more shape and you may forget about that scale number. 

Please Don't go anorexic on us..you look thin enough..do more resistance training, run and don't starve yourself..you must eat to lose weight.