cindylynnwho's Journal, 05 February 2008

44.1% omg, yay! I can't see the scale without my glasses until I bend down to look at it. This morning I was sitting there praying that I would look at it and see 202.something. Since yesterday the scale said I was 203.8, I thought I'd be really lucky if I did. So 201.4 was a wonderful surprise! I am going to hit my mini-goal really soon! I am so relieved that I am finally making progress. The funny thing is, I am not even exercising all that much. I am still not counting calories. I just eat when I am hungry and don't when I am not. Its a trial and error process that requires me to listen closely to my stomach all day. I often quit eating but have to go back and finish the leftovers later. This is so much better than either of what I perceived as my previous choices- to either eat all the food to avoid being hungry, or to stop asap and try to ignore the hunger later.

I'm sitting here in disbelief at myself. Is this all I had to do? I'm so grateful I figured it out. Its funny, because overall I don't even like to eat as much food as I was eating before. I just thought I had to, in part because of the recommendations of calorie-intake formulas that are not suitable for me, and in part because I think I was rebelling against my own tendency to want to undereat.

I also think I was throwing myself off with hugely varying levels of exercise. Right now, I'm having my exercise follow suit with my food-- I do it when I feel my body needs it and don't when it doesn't. And, relating this to Sara's book the Cortisol Connection (which I haven't yet read) and other stuff about how stress affects your weight, the other thing I've done is to stop panicking about whether I am eating too much or too little. I recently read a book about anorexia, and although I am not personally in danger physically or psychologically of having this extremely serious condition, I related a little too much to the type of things that go on in the mind of a person with anorexia. I've been seeing more clearly lately, just how unhealthy psychologically my relationship to food has been, and how easy it now is to change that relationship. I am so much calmer about it now, and that's been totally encouraged by my results.

I wasn't even going to log in this morning but when I saw the scale I had to weigh in. :)

Have a wonderful day, my buddies!

201.4 lb Lost so far: 5.6 lb.    Still to go: 71.4 lb.    Diet followed 100%.