|
My weight is creeping back up a lot faster than it came off. I thought I'd be okay with the occasional treats and splurges, but then it became an every weekend thing -- to an every other day thing -- and now at the end of every day I feel the need for some kind of food reward for working hard. Being able to say no is getting harder. Resolve is easy in the morning. I need to be mindful of recapturing that feeling when I start feeling weak later in the day. The smallest clothes that I bought are too tight to wear right now. I'm worried that when I fly out to see Boo at the end of this month, she will be disappointed in me. I'm embarrassed to run into friends who saw me at my lowest point a few months ago. Now it's totally an image problem because I feel great.
Spent Mothers' Day at Mom and Dad's house with my sis and her girls. We picked up Chinese food. Mom had made a pound cake and sis picked up a fruit tart, so we pigged out... my sis and I especially. I noticed her girls ate like birds. Our family has food issues. It's not enough to eat for sustenance. It's recreational and out of control. Mom has always encouraged family gluttony -- making too much high-cal food and piling on plates, but not out of malice. I know it's an expression of generosity/love. My sis grew up as an overweight child, then lost it as a teen and has yo-yoed ever since. After losing a lot of weight due to divorce stress, she has gone back to overeating and appears to have regained all that she lost within a year. I'm sure she is not happy about it, but she never acknowledges what has happened.
I am absolutely not happy about regaining this weight. All I can do is try my best to be mindful of what I'm doing today and not worry about tomorrow for now. One minute at a time.
3:25pm At this time of day I start thinking about cupcakes and other junk food. I just had a snack of nuts and dried fruit instead. There's a cantaloupe in the kitchen... I better cut that up too.
9:15pm So far so good. We had baked salmon and a black bean-corn-tomato-onion salad with cilantro and a peach on the side. It was fabulous. I'm having a cup of hot tea for dessert.
|
169.4 lb
Lost so far: 42.6 lb.
Still to go: 19.4 lb.
Diet followed reasonably well.
|
gaining 1.0 lb a week
|