madaboutmoose's Journal, 11 July 2009

Saturday morning. I had hoped to sleep in but alas ... I awoke early and decided to go ahead and get started on the day! It is supposed to be very warm here today so I thought I might as well get the laundry started and try to keep the house cool by catching the cool morning air. I had hoped that by today I would be back to the number on the scale I saw prior to my family wedding trip, but no. However, I am still hanging out in the low 180's and that is positive I know. I continue to work on not being obsessed by Frank's reports and overall I am doing much better with the numbers. Still, I am forever hopeful about seeing a decrease. I have two voices I hear ... one tells me that where I am is acceptable and that I am learning how to manage my weight in the way I need to, seeing fluctuations up and down while avoiding the return to old, unhealthy habits with food. The other voice tell me ... you need to cut back, you need to get to your goal weight, you are still considered "overweight" by the CDC, you must be doing something "wrong", you are not "good enough" yet. Clearly the first voice is the one I must attend to and support to be louder, clearer, and lead my days. I still think I will lose, and the losses will be much slower and that is just fine ... if only I could shut up the second voice!! LOL!!!

It helps to see my other buddies on similar journeys ... to watch their weight loss patterns shift, to witness their process of maintenance, and realize that I am not that much different. I found an old college friend online this week. She told me a professor we had in college recently died from complications following a 12 hour cosmetic surgery!! She had body dysmorphic syndrome and the surgery was really unnecessary. She hadn't even told her family she was having the procedure. So sad to have such a warped view of yourself that you undergo surgical procedures that end up bringing a premature end to life. I am not diagnosable ... but holy crap ... I catch myself looking at myself and still seeing OBESE, FAT, NOT GOOD ENOUGH ... I must continue to change that. Continue my journey of acceptance, seeing myself as I really am, being comfortable in my own skin, so very important.

So, my friends ... here is to all of us continuing our journeys, finding balance, learning to live life fully, being kind to ourselves, making healthy choices that nourish our minds, hearts, souls, spirits, and bodies. Have a wonderful day!!
181.0 lb Lost so far: 78.2 lb.    Still to go: 0 lb.    Diet followed 100%.

Diet Calendar Entries for 11 July 2009:
2218 kcal Fat: 45.06g | Prot: 87.14g | Carb: 310.77g.   Breakfast: medifast cocoa, water. Lunch: ham, Turkey, Mozzarella & Mini Ritz. Dinner: butter, Burrito Mexicano - Shrimp, Corona Light, Margarita. Snacks/Other: Cranberry Nut Antioxidant, Yoplait Light Thick & Creamy Yogurt, strawberries, Fiber One. more...
3410 kcal Activities & Exercise: Housework - 4 hours, Elliptical - 1 hour and 18 minutes, Resting - 10 hours and 42 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...
losing 0.7 lb a week

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Comments 
I know what you mean about looking at yourself...being overweight, or obese, it does damage the self esteem, and it's hard to overcome that self image. Attitude is everything, though, we have to learn to put those detrimental images behind us...daunting as that task might be. Hope you have a great day! 
11 Jul 09 by member: onmyway
That second voice always seems to be there, but as you said - we just need to drown it out with the first one! Someone sent me an article recently about how people who lose weight still see themselves as fat. It's called "Phantom Fat". Sometimes I still automatically go to the plus size clothes in stores, forgetting that I can't shop there anymore. Or when someone asks my weight I start to say "two-.." before remembering I'm now "one-...". It's a process, that's for sure! Love your last paragraph! Here, here! 
11 Jul 09 by member: amryk
Great insight. But that second voice is what is often our undoing. I also struggle with feelings of not good enough where I am at so I will continue to try to lose that weight I gained. But maybe I will be okay not losing ALL of it.  
11 Jul 09 by member: WECANDOTHIS
Welcome back Mo!!! I've missed you!! How are you??? 
11 Jul 09 by member: madaboutmoose
Same old, same old with all the health issues. But there is some small improvement with the knees, pain level seems to be a bit less and the fibromyalgia has gone on "vacation" again for a while. I have my Neurology appointment August 3rd for the RSD in the feet and ankles and I get "scattered" mentally a lot, hard to focus, hard to remember things, this has been a problem for me for quite a while now but that may be from feeling overwhelmed so am hoping for good news there. I got caught up with a lot while I was off line, some projects I have been so behind on and cleaning out things here and there. Getting my condo in order, so to speak. I am on my way up to the treadmill to get my time in there, and will break it up into segments. I have finally come to the realization I cannot do it all, right this instant anymore and that has been hard for me. I hosted several things at my condo this week, it was hectic, busy but so much fun. I find the busier I am the better I am mentally but the busier I am the more problems I seem to have with my memory and such, I get tired and it gets worse. Aside from the health stuff life is really good. I am blessed in many ways and I know that. Gotta stay with the positive thoughts, thats the only way I can do this. 
11 Jul 09 by member: WECANDOTHIS
Absolutely Mo ... gotta stay with the positive. There just isn't any "up side" to the alternative!! I will keep you in my warm healing thoughts and prayers though ... it couldn't hurt! I'm glad to hear the knees are a little better and the fibromyalgia is giving you some respite.  
11 Jul 09 by member: madaboutmoose

     
 

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