FullaBella's Journal, 12 January 2014

Please just tell me you're not going to beat yourself up. 

Do not beat yourself up, pleeeeeeze!! What went up can and will go back down. Hang in there! We are all here for you! (((((hugs))))) 

Oh my no - I'm not beating myself at all - I suppose I should have recorded a comment with this - that 171 low was like a 2 day low thing at best probably at the end of Nov or whenever I recorded it and I had bounced back up to 175 and stayed there ever since - as FS kept telling me to weigh in now I thought 'what the heck - put the real weight down and continue'. But then I hit the wrong number (176 instead of 175) and left it - what the heck. I may be truly delusional but it is just a number and a weight I've come to be very comfortable with and now that I'm not staring at the 'fake' number when I log on here I feel more honest with everyone including myself. My clothes are fitting looser; skin is still slowly but surely tightening and except for the pain that returned in my left leg I feel fine. I am going to definitely get that massage scheduled this week and resume working on that pain and plan to go visit the 'bike mart' to be able to enjoy the coming spring weather without wearing Mushy out with too much walking. It's all good. Don't put me suicide watch just yet :-) but thank you for caring and encouraging me.  

You know how it is. We gain then beat the weight off by beating ourselves up. I'd like to know why your skin is tightening and mine isn't. Going to guess I'm a bit older then you and the elasticity in my body is a thing of the past.  

Nah ... not self beating here - I gave myself a 7lb variance before I start really getting nuts and again - that 171 was only around for 2 days ... I kept thinking 'I'll record it and it will stay' but I was wrong... I seem to be hanging at this 175 for a lonnnnng time now throughout holiday eating, grieving, binging, mindful eating, etc., so I think it's where my body wants to be for now. I'm 52 and there are so many parts of my body that have been so stretched out by the weight I'll never have a bikini body nor feel confident wearing a tank top in public (batwings, saggy thighs, etc) but I'm truly grateful for the way my body has stuck around and survived all of the abuse I've heaped on it. Saggy skin is the least of my worries.