kingkeld's Journal, 20 December 2012

Good morning, buddies!

Sorry, I'm late. :) This morning was a tough one, and I actually wanted to weigh in and do a journal, but I was in a bad mood and figured it'd be much more productive to let it wait a little.

I'm NOT down in weight today, and I was expecting to see a significant drop. Bummer. I am down 100 grams, but that doesn't really do it for me. lol.

I had my 2nd weekly Low Cal Day yesterday. It was hard on me. Very hard. I had the munchies all afternoon, pretty much from my last update. I did give in some, and I probably ended at 1000 calories total. I lost track of it, in the way that I don't know the calories of what I ate. I will try to reconstruct it though, and register the damage. The bad news is that some was chocolate. THe good news is that some was extra chicken breast. lol.

Still, I'm super disappointed that I didn't see a loss. Obviously, it makes me question my new approach.

I know. I use a different scale, and it can be a COMPLETELY different number. The other two scales I have (where one is now broken) measure around 7 kgs(!) different. Still, I have this feeling that this one is accurate with the other one. Or at least that's what I like to think. Of course, this also makes me think that there is no weight loss. I know that what I ate extra yesterday was NOT enough to really weigh me down physically, and not enough calories to not have a deficit.

I guess I'll simply keep going. Had you asked me this morning, I would have simply stopped. Trouble is, I still have a deadline, and I really can't afford NOT losing weight these days, if I want to make it.

Still, I can not see how my new system can NOT help me lose weight, better and faster. It's gotta work.

I see two issues in it though. The first one is my 2nd Low Cal Day. I find it difficult to control towards the end of the day. I don't get hungry but I want snacks BADLY. I need to learn to control that. When I get like that, I am like a lion in a cage. I know I'm a pain to be around, and that is not acceptable - neither to me or my surroundings. I will give it another shot or two, and then evaluate if I can handle it, or if I need to adjust to only once per week, or if something else can be done. The downside to once per week Low Cal Days is of course that there will be less calories to spend on "normal" days, and that the health benefits from doing it won't be as clear.

The other issue:
It's Christmas. Next Low Cal Day is gonna be Monday, Christmas Eve. This is the big Christmas in Denmark, and there is no chance to go low cal. The day after is of course Christmas Day, same issue as Wife and I also celebrate American Christmas. I see a pattern in this, and we have quite a few outings planned, along with other stuff. It will be HARD to find 4 Low Cal Days the next two weeks.

I think I can easily fit one in on the 2rd of January - Wednesday. I will be back at work there, and the day before is a nice calm day in Denmark. Not much will be happening there. I can easily stop eating after dinner then, and have a Low Cal Day. Maybe I can fit it in on the Sundays, instead of Mondays. It'll be a challenge, as I am probably just gonna be sitting at home those days. Denmark is pretty much closed on Sundays. It'll be hard to NOT get to snack, NOT get to have awesome breakfast with Wife. But probably not impossible. We'll see. I might do it, I might not.

I really want to say "I'm just not gonna follow it until I'm back to work in January". It would make things so easy. BUT I'm afraid I'll just not follow ANY plan for days and end up even heavier. It's tough enough that I'm still in the 90's. I find that TOTALLY unacceptable.

I had made a promise to myself that I would NEVER be in the 80's again. 90's is just horrible. I ended up in the mid-eighties after the surgery, and never came lower again. It's GOTTA change.

I am made a pact with myself that when I am on Christmas break, I will exercise. I will do a lot to keep active, just like I did last year. I will work on getting in better shape. It will give me something to do on the days where we are just watching tv. It will make me less bored. It will be good for me. Of course, it's also gonna suck. I am NOT into exercise these days. At all. But I'm gonna do it. Biking, in- and outdoors, walks (hopefully with Wife), and workout DVDs.

I just renewed my membership to the gym. It's now paid through 2013. Sadly, they're closed for the holidays so I can't go there and do anything. I will however make regular visits there my new year's resolution. I will schedule them, so I am certain to go at least a couple of times (or 3) per week. It's gotta be something that becomes habit.

I know that exercise will help me. I know it's good for me. I know it'll help me lose that damn weight.

I am so frustrated that the weight won't come off. I have no words for it.

Anyways, back to Christmas break plans.

Here is what I've come up with:

I will make a "mix" of my old Indulgence Diet, and my new Roller Coaster Diet. :)

I have already done my Low Cal Days for this week, so essentially I'm good for the rest of the week. I have 2300 calories available every day, AND Indulgence Day on Saturday. Not bad. Now, I know I went over about 500 calories yesterday, so I will compensate for them today, not going over 1800 calories. That'll clear my conscience. I can do that.

Then I will generally try to go lower on all the other days, but not worry whether I actually accomplish or not. I should have a nice, large calorie deficit over the week regardless.

This coming Sunday, I will try to "save up" a Low Cal Day. If I can do it, I get 2300 calories for Monday - Christmas Eve. If I can NOT do it, I get 1600 calories available, as it will then be regular Indulgence Diet Normal day. If I want room for a nice, large dinner, I will have to make room elsewhere, maybe skip lunch. I do NOT want to wait for another week or two for a weight loss.

Then, Tuesday will be a normal day again. If I did a Low Cal Day on Sunday, I will have 2300 calories available. If I didn't then I will have 1600. Wednesday, I will again attempt a Low Cal Day. If I pass, then I will allow 2300 calories the rest of the days, if not, then 1600. Indulgence Day is 3600 no matter. It's all accounted for. I will do this the following week too.

This way, I should be covered - and have a 7000 calorie deficit over the course of a week no matter what. I think it's a fair solution.

My downfall is definitely the snacks. If I was without those, I would have zero issues here. I hate that I can't resist them. I need to simply get better on it. I need to get on top of it. I need to take controld. I know I can do it. I did it for a year and a half. It's not even hard to do, once the mindset is there.

Today, we are going for a luncheon, all of the people in my department. We're basically going to a little restaurant and ordering what we'd like, and we each pay our own. I took a quick glance at the menu, and ALL choices sucks. :/ Booo! They all love the food there, but there is nothing worth eating, and every dish is like a gazillion calories. So I brought lunch, in case I get hungry. I will then eat before or after the luncheon, and just order a coffee and a water there. Simple. I don't really get affected by others eating around me, so I am fine with that.

Afterwards, we are going to a big meeting, with the christmas celebrations and all. There will be cake, candies and snacks. I'll sit far far away, I think. I need to take control of this.

I'm hoping to simply have breakfast and dinner today, and not go nuts at all. I need this for my own sanity. I need to be stronger, and tell myself that I will NOT die of starvation. I can do this.

Anyways, I'm babbling. I need to get going. Besides, I'm at work. I'm sure there are other things I'm supposed to be doing. lol.

Today, I am thankful for:
- Delaying my journal and weigh-in until I was able to clear my head of the disappointment and write something constructive instead of whiny babble. This is much more constructive babble (but still babble. lol).
- A nice, easy day at work.
- Morning coffee - still enjoying it. :)
- Almost Christmas holiday break!

202.6 lb Lost so far: 139.1 lb.    Still to go: 15.2 lb.    Diet followed poorly.

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997 kcal

Fat: 52.14g | Prot: 57.86g | Carb: 73.18g.   Breakfast: Rye Bread, Sliced Ham (Extra Lean), Egg. Lunch: nordana. Dinner: Mexican Style Stewed, Seasoned, Ground Beef with Potatoes (Picadillo De Carne De Rez Con Papas). Snacks/Other: Tangerines (Mandarin Oranges), Milk Chocolate Candies. more...

3381 kcal

Activities & Exercise: Walking (exercise) - 3.5/mph - 45 minutes, Desk Work - 6 hours, Sitting - 4 hours and 55 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours, Walking (moderate) - 3/mph - 20 minutes, Standing - 4 hours. more...