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Back from work a little while ago. No holiday bonus. I got one the past four years. I was hoping on one for food money the rest of the month. Now I'll probably eat less - hee hee... anyway, Thank God I didn't listen to relatives and have a credit card in emergencies and can buy food with it and pay it off next pay period. I have yet not paid it off every month. I am low income, but so many people I know are worse off than me. Yet I'm 46 and remember working for millionaires twenty years ago. So I saw success as so easily obtainable but a mental breakdown destroyed my life for quite some time. I know at age 46 that I'm not emotionally as mature as I should be because of what my mental state is now. It is the reason I haven't been dating for 14 years - also I did have weight issues so felt messed up about that too. But I'm a survivor, I'm still here and stronger for it. Finally I'm liking my apartment, it is finally looking like a cool place to hang out. In six months I know it is going to really be nice after it is painted and I get it all fixed up little by little each month. Anyway, I have approached lots of women I know but as it is a town with the alternative lifestyle for women they aren't interested - and give lame excuses and just hang out with girlfriends or flat out tell you they're not interested in men. I'm OK with it but wish I could have been born in any other town in the country of similar size with women who just don't want to be friends even - most of them who are single. I can't move right now because of my job and apartment, family, etc. But there is a woman out there hopefully who will accept me faults and all. Going to probably do a fast today as the weight is not coming off as fast as I want it to. I think maybe we don't sweat as much as we do in the summer or somthing ---? Plus all the holiday junkfood everywhere. I hope to at least maintain this holiday week! :) glenn
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