husband left me married 9yrs and 4 can i stay on track while i am do depressed???

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Joined: Nov 12
Posts: 1

Posted: 17 Nov 2012, 23:13
I have been over weight at 270lbs, I really want to do this. There is a problem... my husband of 9yrs just walked out on me and my 4 children 8yrs, 6yrs, 2yrs, and 11mos. I AM SO DEPRESSED, LOST MY MOTIVATION, AND HAVE NO ENERGY OR STRENGTH TO GEY OUT OF BED. WHAT CAN I DO TO PRESS THROUGH THIS AND LOSS ALL THIS WEIGHT TO FEEL BETTER ABOUT MYSELF?????? PLEASE HELP

Joined: Jul 12
Posts: 12

Posted: 18 Nov 2012, 00:48
Wish I could give you a big hug... Don't be sad get angry! Don't eat to take away your pain it doesn't work, it just make you feel more hopeless and helpless. It is really presumptuous of me, a stranger with huge food issues of my own,to offer you advice; but eating just kills your soul. Like any drug or addiction; food solves nothing. Being left with children who are still so young must be overwhelming,maybe your little one's will be the inspiration to fight like hell. I'm rooting for you!! Wipe those tears away take a deep breath and then choose a crazy kick-ass song to sing whenever you felling down.. Its works!!

Joined: Jul 11
Posts: 1

Posted: 18 Nov 2012, 02:48
That's awful, I hope things turn around for you! Depression can be tough to get through on your own. It's easy to withdraw and keep it to yourself, but reaching out to others makes it *much* better. It'll be good to keep connecting with people when you have time, either with a hobby, or online communities, or church if that's your thing. If you can afford it, a few sessions with a therapist can be wonderful for life problems like this. Some health insurance plans cover it. Best of luck!!

Joined: Nov 12
Posts: 59

Posted: 18 Nov 2012, 05:00
I too wish I could give you a hug and completely agree with need to take one day at a time. In taking care of you and sticking to your diet you will be a great role model for those little ones - who will look back in years to come and she how you overcame adversity and took back your life. Get angry and dance to those kick ass songs.....You are in my thoughts!!
Starting weight: 160
Short Goal 1: 145 Pedicure (take pic and measure)

Joined: Oct 07
Posts: 59

Posted: 18 Nov 2012, 06:54
Very sorry to hear about your current situation. That is awful. Right now you are going to have to focus on your beautiful children who are too young to navigate this without their mama. I would suggest maybe your doctor could help you out with a mild anti-depressant, if things become too over whelming. Divorce is a very emotional tim, I know I've been through it. I can tell you their is life on the other side of this mess. I'm not sure if you can find time to get out and walk even if you put the little ones in a stroller. Walking was the best thing that I did during that time. It cleared my mind and boosted my emotional state immensely. Wishing you all the BEST! Take it one day at a time.

Joined: Jan 12
Posts: 22

Posted: 18 Nov 2012, 09:11
I really feel for you. Hang in there. You are still a good person and (I'm sure) a good mother. The most important thing right now is to be kind to yourself, not by over-feeding but by speaking kind words to yourself.

Joined: Jun 12
Posts: 7

Posted: 18 Nov 2012, 10:58
Your husband is an asshole!!! Exercise, eat right, get in shape, and leave your husband in the dust. Use him walking out on you as fuel for your motivation to get in shape. I guarantee after you get in shape, he will come back begging to be with you! You may not want him back by then! Friend me if you need motivation. You can do this!!!

Joined: Mar 10
Posts: 200

Posted: 18 Nov 2012, 14:59
Totally endorsing previous comments about husband's asshattery. ALSO backing up lgrant58's suggestion of walking. No sh1t, when I was at the lowest possible point after a break-up, walking really helped. MP3 player with a soundtrack of silly rocky fun songs, and just a couple of miles a day of fresh air, and I guarantee you'll feel better.
I've never met a cheese I didn't like.

Joined: Sep 10
Posts: 57

Posted: 18 Nov 2012, 20:03
Get angry is right! Much more constructive than being sad. Check out Primal Blueprint for a quick and lasting way (IMO) to get weight off and kill hunger/cravings fast. Your self esteem will take control once again. My personal motivation is looking at Venus dot com. I now fit into their clothes and look/feel great (from 235lbs). Do it for yourself and kick his loser butt!!

Joined: Jan 11
Posts: 12

Posted: 18 Nov 2012, 21:54
One day at a time sweetie . . . You got this!! Just focus on tomorrow, tomorrow. And so on. All those who have left comments are dead on - I would add 'love yourself just the way you are, right this very minute!' The more you love yourself the better you'll take care of yourself. I have faith in you, those sweet babies have faith in you, and ALWAYS remember that EVERYONE has felt this lost at one time or another about something, and we made it through. So can you darlin' . . . So WILL you!!
We got this!! Smile


Joined: Feb 12
Posts: 79

Posted: 19 Nov 2012, 08:09
I'm so so sorry. I wish there were an easy answer here, but there really isn't. You just have to take it one day and one baby step at a time. My next advice is going to be to get up and do something. Maybe sign up for a kickboxing class or just go to a gym and punch away at the punching bag. It will be REALLY hard to push yourself to do this, but the anger and frustration and raw energy you're able to get out by doing something physical like this will help.

Joined: Aug 12
Posts: 1,286

Posted: 19 Nov 2012, 09:24
So sorry this happened to you. But the best revenge is taking care of yourself and getting to the point where you look really good. I have been divorced many years now. When I was married my then-husband wanted me to be skinny in an unhealthy way, even though for the most part I was a size 12, which he considered to be morbidly obese. I saw him a couple of months ago, and I looked really good. He hardly recognized me. I now weigh less than his present wife and have a much better figure. Revenge is sweet.

Joined: Aug 12
Posts: 6

Posted: 19 Nov 2012, 16:16
Dont get angry, its nonsense. It will just eat you up, a tiny drop of bitterness wil consume you. I have been there. Fat, alone with 3 kids and i can tell you the only way forward is to love yourself and your ex and make your childrens happiness your priority. getting angry is a wasted emotion, if it hits you, then just accept it and wait for it to subside, dont try and grow the anger. now is not the time to diet, you are special and dieting or not dieting doesnt change that. get fresh air, a little bit of walking and take it steady. If you have an eating problem, the time to solve it is not when you are under stress, just try not to make it any worse. Be gentle on yourself and dont be encouraged to hate your ex. Hatred and anger are like cancer, they destroy everything. love yourself and your kids and pray for help to stay strong.

Joined: Aug 12
Posts: 40

Posted: 19 Nov 2012, 21:03
I am going to co-sign on what everyone said. Screw his ass! You have your four kids to look after and to keep loving. Use this as motivation to lose the weight u don't want. Just imagine him seeing you once u get to that point point. the change alone is going to make a shift in his heart. He will see that without him u are a better person. Taking control of your life and changing whatever u may not like. He will see the new confidence u have it will eat him up that he ever let u go.

Joined: Sep 09
Posts: 1,995

Posted: 23 Nov 2012, 04:36
First of all, I'm sorry you had to experience that. I know a thing like that is rough on anyone, but no matter how little light there seems to be at the end of the tunnel, we need to work our way there sooner or later. The longer you wait, the harder it gets.
I work with long term ill people on a daily basis, and in my book one of the BEST cures for depression is EXERCISE! You actually release the "happy-drug" endorphins when you exercise, and they help your mood. How awesome is that?
Now, the next thing to do to succeed in this game is to HAVE A MISSION. How about you make it a mission to show that f**ker what he's mission out on. Be better than him. Go from being great to being AMAZING. Make him regret. Smile
Also, of course, use your kids for your "own purposes", in terms of exercise. Play with them. Walk with them. Go hide and seek! Just take them to fun places. Maybe the Zoo? That gives you a whole day of walking!
...and yes, I agree with everything else stated above this post. Smile

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Posted: 23 Nov 2012, 07:25
Here's a thought... you've already lost at least 200lbs of cr*p with that guy leaving - you're on a roll! Now take care of YOU! Living well is the best revenge. Start imagining the day you tell him to kiss your skinny behind! Envision his face on the sidewalk of every step you take on your walks. Consider his departure the best thing that could have happened so you can focus your energy and attention on you and your children. And come here and vent AND BRAG as you progress! We're here for you and know you can do it!

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Posts: 321

Posted: 23 Nov 2012, 07:47
My thoughts exactly FB!!! Sending lots of strength ((((((((((())))))))) to help you get through know you can!!!

I actually have a body like Cindy Crawford, I just keep it well covered to protect it!

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.

♥ I am the captain of my soul ♥

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Posts: 32

Posted: 23 Nov 2012, 07:56
I understand your pain, but I want to offer a bit of advice as well. Everyone who has posted is correct! It has been 3 months since my divorce and 11 months since my husband of 15 years left. I have two teenagers and two adult children. You can celebrate the 200 pounds of useless crap that just walked out the door as the first step toward acheiving your weight loss goals. If you are anything like me, his condescending talk and completely unsupportive mannerisms contributed to your weight gain in the first place!
You should re-direct your energies, pent up anger, and hurt, and focus on moving forward with your children. They are the true victims in a separation/divorce and you will need to protect and support them by being the best mom you can be. That includes taking care of you and your health. Your children will notice and support you in your efforts to take care of you. They will learn from it and in turn become the best cheerleaders for your success. There is also one motivator that keeps me moving when I don't want to.... the thought that me ex could actually end up with my children if I don't take care of myself and suffer an early demise.
Best wishes for a smooth transition to the "single mom" life. Reach out to others in your life for help and support. I guarantee that there are people who have stepped back from a relationship with you because they didn't like your husband, didn't like the way he treated you, etc. And lastly, come here to Fat Secret to find support as well. This is a wonderful support network for weight loss and LIFE.

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Posted: 23 Nov 2012, 09:34
Sending strength and positive vibes your way. Just take it one day at a time.
Take care.

Joined: Nov 12
Posts: 40

Posted: 23 Nov 2012, 16:23
In my case, eating wheat products caused weight gain and depression. At age 59 not knowing why my life had turned out the way it had, I gave up spaghetti, donuts, bagels, beer etc and started checking every food I ate to make sure it had no wheat. After 2 month of no wheat, I lost 30 pounds and quit taking 2 different anti-depressants that I had been on for 9 years. I believe that some people are particularly allergic to wheat and the effects take many forms including weight gain, mental problems such as depression and ADHD, digestive disorders, skin problems. I know that there are many people on sites like this that dispute these ideas, but there are many thousands who agree with me. If you Google "Wheat Belly" by Dr. William Davis and read the comments on the Amazon site for his book or the responses to his blog, you will find many stories that corroborate what I am telling you. All I can say is it is worth a try - what do you have to lose?
BTW, do not fall for the "deal" from NewsMax. They are thieves who will use your data to charge you 60 more dollars for a bogus newsletter.

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