I need some help with this and I don't really have anywhere else to turn!

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Joined: Jan 10
Posts: 86

Posted: 28 Feb 2012, 14:33
Okay, I came back home today from my moms. I told my boyfriend (that I live with) that I lost 4 pounds in 9 days which is true I did. And all he said was I can lose that just by taking a dumb so it's no big deal. He don't understand how much work I put into those 4 pounds. I got depressed and stuffed a piece of cake down my neck! It's like he don't understand how hard I am trying. How can I change my habit of doing this. But trust me he hurt me so bad by those words Sad
No one said it would be easy....But it's sure gonna be worth it!

Joined: Jan 12
Posts: 2

Posted: 28 Feb 2012, 14:43
Tell him he's a jerk first off... I have the same problem anytime I get emotionally stressed out the first thing I turn to is food and it is usually full of sugar and carbs, one of the ways I am learning how to deal with it is by telling myself to take a 10 min walk, to go blow off the steam and when I get back I can have that piece of cake. Usually by the time I'm done walking I don't need the cake anymore. This could work with any exercise. Hope this helps!

Joined: Feb 12
Posts: 10

Posted: 28 Feb 2012, 15:16
There's one of two reasons why he said it: A: He's trying to sabatoge your weight loss efforts for his own selfish reasons. Maybe he's jeolous if other guys notice you, and is afraid that they'll make a better replacement. Or perhaps he likes overweight women. Or B: He's a man and doesn't think before he speaks. Either way I think it's best that you ask him why he said it and tell him how it effected you. If his response sends a red flag towards A, you might want to remind yourself of why you want to lose weight and reconsider if he is more important, because you won't receive any support A. If his response is more towards B, then tell him how important his support is to you as well as the kind of response your looking for. A little 101 on How to Train Your Future Husband.

Joined: Dec 11
Posts: 167

Posted: 28 Feb 2012, 15:17
I think you mean your ex-boyfriend.
“The last of the human freedoms is to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances.” ~Victor E. Frankl

Joined: Jul 10
Posts: 1,712

Posted: 28 Feb 2012, 15:24
Does your BF have some way to lose? Maybe he feels threatened by your success. 4 pounds in 9 days is great! Keep up the good work and don't let him sabotage your efforts! He SHOULD care if he hurt you and if he doesn't, that's another issue entirely.
- Natalie

Joined: Jan 10
Posts: 86

Posted: 28 Feb 2012, 15:24
Well, first off he is older then me and stuck in his ways. Before we got together he wanted me to find him a girlfriend, which is odd because he said he wanted a thin woman like between 100 and 140. Because his EX wife was like 300 pounds and he had enough big women. But I was big and he still asked me to be with him. I don't understand him at all at most times. Sometimes I wanna call it quits with him. But I'm scared too for some reason. I don't wanna leave him lonely, but I also wanna be happy. So it's very confusing.
No one said it would be easy....But it's sure gonna be worth it!

Joined: Feb 12
Posts: 10

Posted: 28 Feb 2012, 15:40
I don't want to tell you what to do here, but from a woman with experience of what you're going through. If he is careless about your feelings, then you'll never be happy with him. Don't worry about leaving a man like that lonely, he worries about himself enough already. You might find that becoming a healthier you is easier without a boyfriend, and it can be a great journey of self discovery and self reflection. You've made such progress already, don't let anyone undermine your efforts. Besides, as you become healthier, and become more confident with your body, you won't have difficulty finding another man. People who take care of themselves are naturally attractive, it's human nature, it means that you are capable.
Sue Brown

Joined: Jun 11
Posts: 19

Posted: 28 Feb 2012, 15:57
angel_face01 just a little advice... take care of yourself girl, if he loves you, he will smarten up. Men have a way of manipulating and sabotaging a woman if they feel insecure. My husband has been a complete a**hole to me for the last year and tries to sabotage me all the time, but I now refuse to let him get me down. Don't let any man steal your joy or happiness. Be good to yourself and everything else will fall into place with or without him. Take care Smile

Joined: Jan 10
Posts: 521

Posted: 28 Feb 2012, 16:45
This type of thing goes both ways. I heard from a therapist that many women consciously or subconsciously feed their man an excess amount of food to fatten them up on purpose to make them less attractive to other women. Perhaps he is a tad insecure with your relationship and he is afraid if you continue to lose weight other men will start paying more attention to you. Have you ever noticed any type of jealousy on his part when other men are around talking with you?
I have found that most of the support I received during my weight loss was from my friends and co-workers. My family did not like seeing me change. Many people have a hard time with this type of change.

Only one person can lead you down the road to better health... you and you alone. No one can do it for you.

Stay on your path to a longer and healthier life. If he can't deal with it, he has issues, don't let that affect how you feel about yourself. Your doing great.

Joined: May 10
Posts: 1,400

Posted: 28 Feb 2012, 16:49
The only thing you have control over here is you. You can't stop him from being a douche, & we can't stop you from being around a douche if that's what you want to do. You can, however, work on figuring out why you are letting the words of another person dictate the level of care you give yourself. People are entitled to say whatever they like, no matter how douchey it is, & you don't have to agree. You also don't have to let his douchiness control you. As long as you're letting him, what reason does he have to stop?

If you're going to be successful with your weight loss, you're going to have to realize that no one has to like or accept what you're doing but YOU. As you keep working on yourself, you will get stronger emotionally & hopefully start getting rid of the dead wood. If the only way for you to get yourself back is to surround yourself with positive, uplifting people, the only person responsible for making that happen is - wait for it - you.

You can lose weight regardless of how anyone else feels about it. You really can. Just keep moving forward & it will get easier.
Kat | NO EXCUSES, JUST RESULTS | Next milestone - 256: 60 lbs lost
2013: still up from 1/1, but coming back down...
2010: 50.4 lbs lost | 2011:17 lbs lost | 2012: 1 lb gained
How I did it: http://stubbysticks.wordpress.com/weight-loss-summary-by-month/

Joined: Feb 12
Posts: 3

Posted: 28 Feb 2012, 18:04
Get a new boyfriend.

Joined: Jan 10
Posts: 86

Posted: 28 Feb 2012, 20:00
Well he said he was just pointing out a fact that he could and that he meant no harm in it. I guess I over re-acted do to my mental disorder. I tend to do that a lot. But thanks everyone for the advice. And kstubblefield amd sue brown I agree 100% with you. Everyone gave very good advice. Thanks a lot.
No one said it would be easy....But it's sure gonna be worth it!

Joined: Feb 12
Posts: 11

Posted: 28 Feb 2012, 20:11
I can say that i can relate to this problem, as my hubby suffers from a form of autism. When i first lost a few pounds, he was like, yah so, why are you bothering me with this. I was about ready to say forget about it and had to remember why i was losing weight. I was losing weight more myself, health, and to make myself feel better. It took two weeks of eating right and losing a few pounds before my husband asked me how he could lose weight. Maybe asking your bf to join in the weight loss process will make him understand how hard it is to lose weight. If not, don't let him get to you, and be proud of yourself for losing , putting effort in to lose, and keeping on track. Good luck.

Joined: Jul 10
Posts: 11

Posted: 28 Feb 2012, 20:42
Honestly, I think I would have slapped my boyfriend/husband if he said that to me. But that's just me.

Just tell him how his words hurt you - be honest and don't hold back. You are doing this for yourself, most of all. If you need him to support you through this process, let him know his role & what he can do to just support you. Clearly state how you expect him to be when it comes to this, seeing as you're trying your hardest to better yourself and your health. Losing weight takes a lot of work. Just keep going. Don't let him get you down. You're doing great! You can do it! We're here to support you even if he doesn't.

Joined: Jul 11
Posts: 10

Posted: 28 Feb 2012, 20:50
And just so you know, guys loose weight a lot faster than us girls. My husband can drop pounds just by cutting out his night time snacking. Like, a lot of pounds. But for me, I have to fight for every pound. One pound a week is a nice steady pace, two is rockin', and four pounds in nine days, that's like the glory train of the first week on a diet. Something nice to enjoy, but it'll slow down for the long term. Finding other things to feast on (prayer, the outdoors, art, work, enough sleep, friendships, helping people, etc.) is one of the best ways I've found for staying away from pig out sessions.
"Slow and steady wins the race." so this time, I'm going turtle pace.

Joined: Sep 09
Posts: 1,995

Posted: 28 Feb 2012, 23:44
Tell him that if he's please go take a dump, then, so he wouldn't be so full of s**t. I'm sorry that you don't have the support you need. Be strong, though. The results are all worth the struggle.
Visit my website: www.tabdig.info

"Losing weight is never about eating as little as possible"
- Kingkeld.
"You wouldn't worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.
― Eleanor Roosevelt
"Do. Or do not. There is no trying."
- Master Yoda.

I went from morbidly obese to being the owner of TABDIG - a weight loss coaching service that helps people worldwide losing weight. It's been an amazing journey. From October 4th 2010 to April 3rd 2012 I lost half my body weight - 80 kilos/170 lbs. Since then, I have had two cosmetic surgeries to remove excess skin. I have now quadrupled my strength, gained several kilos in muscle mass, and today I focus on building muscle, optimizing my diet, living healthy and helping people to reach the very same goals. I am stronger, healthier, thinner, happier! If you feel that you need help losing weight, don't hesitate to send me an inbox message.

Joined: Feb 11
Posts: 1

Posted: 29 Feb 2012, 06:15
Get rid of him Sweetie... Believe me I just got rid of one after a 20 yr relationship who would have preferred I was or stayed heavy for his own selfish reasons! We had had no intimacy for 7 years! What man does that? No emotional feelings or hugs... I was not only gaining weight but emotional starving too! Once I was "Free" I began to lose my weight and my life started coming back! I'm Great and finally where the Lord wants me! Good luck Girl! Need help or wanna talk I'm here my name is Chris and my E-mail is chrissue200@yahoo.com I get it and it took me 20 yrs please don't take that long. Do it You Can! Get that weight off ! Smile you are strong he is weak!

Joined: Jun 10
Posts: 182

Posted: 29 Feb 2012, 06:55
Sounds like you need to clarify some things in your life for yourself:
1) Why do you want to lose weight? Do those reasons change when someone questions or belittles them? Does cake fit into your goals? If not, ditch the cake . . . . . and question everything you eat and do in light of your goals.
2) What do you want from your life? Does everyone in your life help you achieve those goals or tear you down?
Man who say it cannot be done should not interrupt man doing it - Chinese Proverb

"Eat food, not too much, mostly plants." Michael Pollan

Joined: Sep 11
Posts: 57

Posted: 29 Feb 2012, 08:00
You DESERVE a Happy life...As long as you are happy that is all that matters...You are a beautiful person and you have your whole life in front of you...no regrets...You deserve to live the quality of life that you are seeking, you have done a wonderful job...Take Care of Yourself first

Joined: Jun 10
Posts: 527

Posted: 29 Feb 2012, 09:13
I'm sad that you so quickly decided you overreacted to him acting like a total turd to you. Just because a statement is true does not make it the kind or right thing to let fall out of your head.

But here's the thing: you cannot make him act better, you can just trust yourself to handle whatever comes your way - so start trusting yourself! He mouths off like that again, just think "What a jerk! Sucks to be you" and go do some angry cleaning or nitro-fueled walking.

And then reconsider how much he positively contributes to your life.

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