am i wrong?????!!!!!

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aaron326

Joined: Mar 11
Posts: 82

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Posted: 20 Apr 2011, 11:08
so. i walk about 3 times a week generally depending on the weather and i have a friend who goes with me. now normally i used go alone bc i wanted to be at my own pace and not worry about anyone esle. WELL i let my walls down and let her come with me. now she is small, like 140 lbs and she is getting married to my husbands best friend next year so she wanted to get in shape for the wedding. so her being thin and healthier then me makes it a challange mentally and physically, she is a bit faster then me. i took a positive look on it that i had to push myself to keep with her and i have been doing so for about 3 weeks now.

Well here is the thing. i miss one day and so she went with someone esle bc she didnt wanna lose her schedule. we are supposed to go today and she tells me that "she hopes its ok" that her 2 friends are coming. well... no to me its not. all 3 of them are very thin and they are all bff's. not only did it take alot for me to walk with her but to put myself out there with two other skinny ass girls that i barely know... i wasnt comfortable to do so.

i told her that i didnt want to go then. and i explained that bc i dont know them i wasnt comfortable and that i would just go with her a different time.

was i wrong? i feel like maybe it seems rude, but im not ready to be left behind by 3 little girls that are all friends.

to me, i honestly believe that it would hurt me to much if i couldnt keep up or if they didnt care and left me behind and just didnt talk to me. i feel like the jab to my confidence would take a negative impact on my dieting. (im an emotional eater)
"the greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do."
-Ralph Emerson
xangelsarah

Joined: Feb 10
Posts: 104

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Posted: 20 Apr 2011, 11:12
no i dont think your wrong
chmilz

Joined: Feb 11
Posts: 76

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Posted: 20 Apr 2011, 11:17
well, you're not wrong per se, however you are being a great big chicken. You're letting your insecurities get the better of you, and get between you and your health. Just becuse they are "skinny" doesn't mean they aren't nice people. you could take this opportunity to meet some new people and make friends, thus increasing your support circle. You don't know that they are going to leave you behind, or not talk to you.

now who's being judgemental?

TheChunkyOne

Joined: Apr 10
Posts: 247

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Posted: 20 Apr 2011, 11:25
You think because they are 'skinny ass girls' that they are going to judge you and think that you are less of a person, and take off without you when you cant keep up?
Just like it is unfair for them to judge you based on your weight, it is unfair for you to judge based on theirs as well.
I agree with chmilz, you're being a chicken. Suck it up and make some new friends! Smile

(and if they take off without you its becuase they are a$$holes, not because they are skinnier than you)
Wicked Step...

Joined: Apr 11
Posts: 31

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Posted: 20 Apr 2011, 11:27
I do not think that you are wrong at all. You are not letting this stop you from exercising. You are only doing what is right for you and your goals for this moment. Who is to say that at a later time and place, you wouldn't want to go walking with a groop. ONLY you can determine what is the best aproach for you and your goals. I think that it is awesome that you challenged yourself with your friend for 3 weeks. It is perfectly accectable and understandable that you want to feel good about the exercise that you choose to do. GOOD LUCK!
If not today, then when?
Wicked Step...

Joined: Apr 11
Posts: 31

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Posted: 20 Apr 2011, 11:27
group LOL
If not today, then when?
kokusho

Joined: Jan 10
Posts: 416

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Posted: 20 Apr 2011, 11:28
Quote:
you are being a great big chicken

I second that opinion.
"Going to war without France, is like going deer hunting without your accordion." -Norman Schwarzkopf
Lily82

Joined: Apr 11
Posts: 55

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Posted: 20 Apr 2011, 11:31
You were not wrong we all have emotional confidence issues to an extent. however as stated above I would take the shot and walk with them everyone precieves themselves differently and just because theyre skinny doesnt mean they see themselves that way or that they are stuck up or judgemental. I think youre being judegemental of yourself and usign the girls as a scape goat in a sense.

Challenge yourself meet new people and walk with them, see their strengths as encouragement to improve not as a insult to your own ability. Good luck and please post what you end up doing and let us know if you took the challenge!
It's not who you are that holds you back, it's who you think you're not.
-Donna
aaron326

Joined: Mar 11
Posts: 82

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Posted: 20 Apr 2011, 11:36
chmilz wrote:
well, you're not wrong per se, however you are being a great big chicken. You're letting your insecurities get the better of you, and get between you and your health. Just becuse they are "skinny" doesn't mean they aren't nice people. you could take this opportunity to meet some new people and make friends, thus increasing your support circle. You don't know that they are going to leave you behind, or not talk to you.

now who's being judgemental?



i can see were you are coming from but its not taking away from my health. never did i say i wasnt still going to work out.
"the greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do."
-Ralph Emerson
kstubblefiel...

Joined: May 10
Posts: 1,400

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Posted: 20 Apr 2011, 11:37
I agree that it's unfair of you to judge these girls you don't even know based on their size. They're not going to expect you to walk faster than you are able & they're not going to leave you in the dust. It is very likely that by not going, you're missing out on what could potentially be a great, in-person support system for your weight loss.

Get out of your comfort zone and GO. If it turns out they suck, then never go with them again. And if that's the case, you will deal with it & you are strong enough to not let something stupid like that ruin your progress.
Kat | NO EXCUSES, JUST RESULTS | Next milestone - 256: 60 lbs lost
2013: still up from 1/1, but coming back down...
2010: 50.4 lbs lost | 2011:17 lbs lost | 2012: 1 lb gained
How I did it: http://stubbysticks.wordpress.com/weight-loss-summary-by-month/
Kingcole35

Joined: Apr 10
Posts: 274

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Posted: 20 Apr 2011, 11:39
I do think you are wrong. This is all about pushing your limits, if they are walking faster then you, then TRY to push yourself to walk faster to catch up and that will just make you burn more anyway it will also give you the confidence to know that you did it. There is NOTHING like doing something you wouldn't have done prior to starting losing weight. That's why we should be doing this, its getting our lives back. Get your life back, don't hide from it. Carpe Diem.
God doesn't give us what we want, he gives us what we need. The rest is up to us.

"If you are seeking creative ideas, go out walking. Angels whisper to a man when he goes for a walk." ~Raymond Inmon


I started My journey on May 6, 2010 and this is what I've done so far:
aaron326

Joined: Mar 11
Posts: 82

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Posted: 20 Apr 2011, 11:40
ok i will imput... bc i didnt know that i needed to. they are not the nicest people... and they DO think they are hot sh*t. which is part of why i dont want to go. the one girl i walk with is ok when nmot with them but i have been around them all at once a handful of times and its not fun....

as for calling me names... please stop calling me a chicken. it has nothing to do with the "guts" that i have or anything of the sort... i wanted to know if how i approached the situation was wrong.

just as you state for me not to judge them bc they are skinny... (as i didnt wanna take up a huge amount of space explaining every detail)
dont judge me or assume that i am "chicken"

thank you. geez...
"the greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do."
-Ralph Emerson
kstubblefiel...

Joined: May 10
Posts: 1,400

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Posted: 20 Apr 2011, 11:46
Well that does make it a little different if you DO know them, & if you weren't comfortable going with everyone then you did the right thing by saying so. Personally I would go & if they started acting bytchy I'd call them out on it to their faces, but that's just the type of person I am. I realize not everyone is comfortable being in that situation.
Kat | NO EXCUSES, JUST RESULTS | Next milestone - 256: 60 lbs lost
2013: still up from 1/1, but coming back down...
2010: 50.4 lbs lost | 2011:17 lbs lost | 2012: 1 lb gained
How I did it: http://stubbysticks.wordpress.com/weight-loss-summary-by-month/
Kingcole35

Joined: Apr 10
Posts: 274

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Posted: 20 Apr 2011, 11:47
Well you really didn't explain it like that to begin with, you said you didn't know them and used some pretty judgmental language towards them so I can understand how people above would think you were a bit gun shy.
God doesn't give us what we want, he gives us what we need. The rest is up to us.

"If you are seeking creative ideas, go out walking. Angels whisper to a man when he goes for a walk." ~Raymond Inmon


I started My journey on May 6, 2010 and this is what I've done so far:
Evie1010

Joined: Sep 10
Posts: 259

      quote  
Posted: 20 Apr 2011, 11:49
I for one know what it is like being over 300 pounds and still being motivated to exercise. Respectully, I submit to you that these other posters do NOT know what it is like. My husband is very athletic (x-military and a former track coach). We exercise at the park and there is no way on earth I can keep up with him when he speed-walks for exercise. He does one lap with me and three by himself and does a cool down with me. I can totally understand why you feel the way you do b/c I have experienced the discomfort of walking - and if you have the feeling of being self-conscious that you are slowing your friend down and not able to keep up, and you are sort of putting yourself out there to increase your mobility with a partner - that is a huge step in the right direction. I get it - these others don't, because they have no clue what it takes as an extremely heavy person to lug around all that extra weight, huffing and puffing from the exertion. The only thing I would recommend that you do is be honest with your friend and explain - "I enjoy walking with you and having time to hang out with you. While I value the time with you, sometimes I have felt that due to my size it would be hard to keep up with you, since you re a smaller person. It seems that over the weeks we've walked together, we've both done well and found a pace that is comfortable for us. While I would like to get to meet your friends, please understand that I am really self-conscious about exercising with them. I still have a lot of weight to lose and I feel like it might be tough to keep up with all you skinny chicks. I just feel sensitive about that right now... but if you feel that we could walk a pace that is comfortable for me, and if you feel like they would be friendly and inclusive of me, a stranger, than I would be willing to try it. Does this make sense?" ...and await her reply. She needs to know why you feel that way so she can be sensitive to your feelings. I do think it would nice for you to get to know more friends and have a cheering section. And let's face it - the vast majority of people would celebrate and encourage you that you are out there doing something productive on your way to better health. So, I feel that only a mean jerk would be insensitive, uninclusive and make you feel left out.
"Work as if it all depends on you. Pray as if it all depends on God" ~ Mark Twain

"You can make excuses or you can make progress; but you can't make both." ~ author unknown

"Personal growth occurs when the pain of staying the same outweighs the pain of change." ~ Evelyn
aaron326

Joined: Mar 11
Posts: 82

      quote  
Posted: 20 Apr 2011, 11:49
kstubblefield wrote:
Well that does make it a little different if you DO know them, & if you weren't comfortable going with everyone then you did the right thing by saying so. Personally I would go & if they started acting bytchy I'd call them out on it to their faces, but that's just the type of person I am. I realize not everyone is comfortable being in that situation.


lol normally i would do that too. the thing is i "barely know them" i really have only been around them just a handful of times. so thats why im kinda in this spot i think. bc i can be a b**ch and i know it.. im not afraid of being one... i just dont feel like fighting when im trying to be working out.
"the greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do."
-Ralph Emerson
aaron326

Joined: Mar 11
Posts: 82

      quote  
Posted: 20 Apr 2011, 11:50
Kingcole35 wrote:
Well you really didn't explain it like that to begin with, you said you didn't know them and used some pretty judgmental language towards them so I can understand how people above would think you were a bit gun shy.
.

if you read it i said "barely know them" so if that made people assume i didnt know them at all that on them. im not trying to sound like a bitch, and i appreciate all opinions.. i just do not appreciate anyone calling me anything... at all...ever.
"the greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do."
-Ralph Emerson
Kingcole35

Joined: Apr 10
Posts: 274

      quote  
Posted: 20 Apr 2011, 11:52
Evie1010 wrote:
I for one know what it is like being over 300 pounds and still being motivated to exercise. Respectully, I submit to you that these other posters do NOT know what it is like.


I don't? and neither does Kat?
God doesn't give us what we want, he gives us what we need. The rest is up to us.

"If you are seeking creative ideas, go out walking. Angels whisper to a man when he goes for a walk." ~Raymond Inmon


I started My journey on May 6, 2010 and this is what I've done so far:
Evie1010

Joined: Sep 10
Posts: 259

      quote  
Posted: 20 Apr 2011, 11:55
Well certainly, if you have had unpleasant run-ins with them in the past you were wise to just say no thanks. Keep going at it alone or partner up with your friend when she has time. I know you will stick with it! You are doing GREAT! And cudos on being so close to the 200's!!!!
"Work as if it all depends on you. Pray as if it all depends on God" ~ Mark Twain

"You can make excuses or you can make progress; but you can't make both." ~ author unknown

"Personal growth occurs when the pain of staying the same outweighs the pain of change." ~ Evelyn
aaron326

Joined: Mar 11
Posts: 82

      quote  
Posted: 20 Apr 2011, 11:56
Evie1010 wrote:
I for one know what it is like being over 300 pounds and still being motivated to exercise. Respectully, I submit to you that these other posters do NOT know what it is like. My husband is very athletic (x-military and a former track coach). We exercise at the park and there is no way on earth I can keep up with him when he speed-walks for exercise. He does one lap with me and three by himself and does a cool down with me. I can totally understand why you feel the way you do b/c I have experienced the discomfort of walking - and if you have the feeling of being self-conscious that you are slowing your friend down and not able to keep up, and you are sort of putting yourself out there to increase your mobility with a partner - that is a huge step in the right direction. I get it - these others don't, because they have no clue what it takes as an extremely heavy person to lug around all that extra weight, huffing and puffing from the exertion. The only thing I would recommend that you do is be honest with your friend and explain - "I enjoy walking with you and having time to hang out with you. While I value the time with you, sometimes I have felt that due to my size it would be hard to keep up with you, since you re a smaller person. It seems that over the weeks we've walked together, we've both done well and found a pace that is comfortable for us. While I would like to get to meet your friends, please understand that I am really self-conscious about exercising with them. I still have a lot of weight to lose and I feel like it might be tough to keep up with all you skinny chicks. I just feel sensitive about that right now... but if you feel that we could walk a pace that is comfortable for me, and if you feel like they would be friendly and inclusive of me, a stranger, than I would be willing to try it. Does this make sense?" ...and await her reply. She needs to know why you feel that way so she can be sensitive to your feelings. I do think it would nice for you to get to know more friends and have a cheering section. And let's face it - the vast majority of people would celebrate and encourage you that you are out there doing something productive on your way to better health. So, I feel that only a mean jerk would be insensitive, uninclusive and make you feel left out.


thanks. i def appreciate the fact that you can understand that the weight slows me a bit. i already walk 3mph which i think is damn good for me. im def gonna approach her with something very close to that.

as for her friends... maybe getting to know them better in a general environment would b a different situation and i will have to... we are all in her wedding next year. im just not ready i think. i have all the friends i need to be honest. im 27 married and making more friends isnt on the top of my list at the moment. =]
"the greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do."
-Ralph Emerson



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